Testes
Testes

Testes

Timeline
Timeline

Timeline

Weeks
Weeks

Weeks

Questionable
Questionable

Questionable

Take
Take

Take

Conner
Conner

Conner

The
The

The

How Much
How Much

How Much

Get Roasted
Get Roasted

Get Roasted

Coming Out
Coming Out

Coming Out

🔥 | Latest

When The: Oh my goodness, now this is a pool party I wouldn’t mind attending. (Source)
When The: Oh my goodness, now this is a pool party I wouldn’t mind attending. (Source)

Oh my goodness, now this is a pool party I wouldn’t mind attending. (Source)

When The: When the substitute teacher can’t control the class and has to call in an actual teacher by the-brown-memer MORE MEMES
When The: When the substitute teacher can’t control the class and has to call in an actual teacher by the-brown-memer
MORE MEMES

When the substitute teacher can’t control the class and has to call in an actual teacher by the-brown-memer MORE MEMES

When The: When the substitute teacher can’t control the class and has to call in an actual teacher
When The: When the substitute teacher can’t control the class and has to call in an actual teacher

When the substitute teacher can’t control the class and has to call in an actual teacher

When The: When the end game credits appear
When The: When the end game credits appear

When the end game credits appear

When The: So annoying when the bad guy turns good. [OC]
When The: So annoying when the bad guy turns good. [OC]

So annoying when the bad guy turns good. [OC]

When The: When the restrictions lift but the ‘Rona is still out there
When The: When the restrictions lift but the ‘Rona is still out there

When the restrictions lift but the ‘Rona is still out there

When The: You know it’s serious when the Amish hear about it. by hexagonalsky MORE MEMES
When The: You know it’s serious when the Amish hear about it. by hexagonalsky
MORE MEMES

You know it’s serious when the Amish hear about it. by hexagonalsky MORE MEMES

When The: “when the looting starts, the shooting starts” by he11oFr1end MORE MEMES
When The: “when the looting starts, the shooting starts” by he11oFr1end
MORE MEMES

“when the looting starts, the shooting starts” by he11oFr1end MORE MEMES

When The: “when the looting starts, the shooting starts”
When The: “when the looting starts, the shooting starts”

“when the looting starts, the shooting starts”

When The: gallusrostromegalus: huggablekaiju: aughtomaton: banyanyabread: elionking: rootbeergoddess: voidbat: callmebliss: rikodeine: ajax-daughter-of-telamon: tastefullyoffensive: (photo via princessmisery) This is a great idea! this is really cool. Kids hate the big plastic keys cos they’re not interesting, they wanna see the things the grownups use all the time I kinda want one of these. DUDE. it’s a giant fucking stim board! GENIUS. This is brilliant  Shit, I might make one of these for myself ^^ This is extremely devopmentally appropriate and smart Hey! They had a thing like this at my preschool, because not only is it a great entertainment center, its also a great tool for teaching toddlers fine motor skills.We also had a board with the fronts of shirts, jackets etc cut out and mounted so we could fool around with and learn how to use buttons, zippers, velcro etc, which meant I was dressing myself pretty early. We also had leftover keyboards, computer mice (sans cables) and a mix and match board of connector cables (bolted down and too short to strangle ourselves with) because I lived in silicon valley in the early 90’s when the tech boom was happening and parents would donate computer stuff for us to fuck around with.Im looking at those gate locks up there and that’s a bit of a bespoke parenting- Dad does run the risk of teaching this toddler how to escape a gated area like the yard, but if the kid isn’t prone to wandering, it’s a good safety thing for him to learn.Some other things to put on a fine motor skills stimboard: doorknobs and handles, switches and buttons (esp of you can wire them up to do something- kids learn patterns way earlier than you might think), window locks and cranks, assorted textures like carpet, fabrics, those reversible sequins, pebbles, sandpaper etc, the tops of jars with different kinds of lids top open and close, and (if you can stand it) anything that makes noises.But pretty much anything that can be fiddled with, changed by touching and is safe to nom on is a good thing.An additional caveat, from my own youth: if the fine motor boards are down at toddler height, dogs, cats, most pet birds and some reptiles will also play with and learn to manipulate these things. Which is also good mental stimulation for them but you can give your animals interesting ideas about what is ok to handle and teach them skills you might not want them to know.
When The: gallusrostromegalus:

huggablekaiju:

aughtomaton:

banyanyabread:

elionking:

rootbeergoddess:

voidbat:

callmebliss:

rikodeine:

ajax-daughter-of-telamon:

tastefullyoffensive:

(photo via princessmisery)

This is a great idea!

this is really cool. Kids hate the big plastic keys cos they’re not interesting, they wanna see the things the grownups use all the time

I kinda want one of these.

DUDE. it’s a giant fucking stim board! GENIUS.

This is brilliant 

Shit, I might make one of these for myself

^^


This is extremely devopmentally appropriate and smart




Hey! They had a thing like this at my preschool, because not only is it a great entertainment center, its also a great tool for teaching toddlers fine motor skills.We also had a board with the fronts of shirts, jackets etc cut out and mounted so we could fool around with and learn how to use buttons, zippers, velcro etc, which meant I was dressing myself pretty early. We also had leftover keyboards, computer mice (sans cables) and a mix and match board of connector cables (bolted down and too short to strangle ourselves with) because I lived in silicon valley in the early 90’s when the tech boom was happening and parents would donate computer stuff for us to fuck around with.Im looking at those gate locks up there and that’s a bit of a bespoke parenting- Dad does run the risk of teaching this toddler how to escape a gated area like the yard, but if the kid isn’t prone to wandering, it’s a good safety thing for him to learn.Some other things to put on a fine motor skills stimboard: doorknobs and handles, switches and buttons (esp of you can wire them up to do something- kids learn patterns way earlier than you might think), window locks and cranks, assorted textures like carpet, fabrics, those reversible sequins, pebbles, sandpaper etc, the tops of jars with different kinds of lids top open and close, and (if you can stand it) anything that makes noises.But pretty much anything that can be fiddled with, changed by touching and is safe to nom on is a good thing.An additional caveat, from my own youth: if the fine motor boards are down at toddler height, dogs, cats, most pet birds and some reptiles will also play with and learn to manipulate these things.  Which is also good mental stimulation for them but you can give your animals interesting ideas about what is ok to handle and teach them skills you might not want them to know.

gallusrostromegalus: huggablekaiju: aughtomaton: banyanyabread: elionking: rootbeergoddess: voidbat: callmebliss: rikodeine: aja...

When The: When the love is pure
When The: When the love is pure

When the love is pure

When The: That tail droop when the doggo’s date left (Source)
When The: That tail droop when the doggo’s date left (Source)

That tail droop when the doggo’s date left (Source)

When The: afloweroutofstone: iamicecreamsbitch: averyterrible: afloweroutofstone: afloweroutofstone: the-real-numbers: identicaltomyself: argumate: afloweroutofstone: Spent the last four hours or so starting on a new project: mapping the locations of famous horror movies set in America. It’s a work in progress, y’all’ see more when I’m done. this is like when the RAF tried to figure out where to armour their bombers by looking at the distribution of bullet holes; the empty area on the map is where nobody lived to tell the tale. It follows population density pretty closely except that the desert Southwest is over represented. Is that because it’s close to Hollywood? Cheap to shoot in? High density of chupacabras? That’s just where the spooky is. Everything else is just noise from large populations. Since @argumate​ brought this back, here’s what the map looks like today: I started adding any horror movie at all, not just well-known ones. Also, it’s global now! @cominyern​ Subgenre!  Red is killer/slasher/psychological Blue is monster/creature Yellow is ghost/spirit/demon Green is alien Black is zombies Purple is vampires It lets you look at some cool regional trends, like how ghosts are huge in New England while aliens and vampires have a cluster in the Southwest. that the original had a lot of black in Pittsburgh is unsurprising, given where a certain George Romero came from, but it now has an interesting relative density and variety. (i blame the Tom Savini practical effects school in Monessen, personally) I wish this was an interactive map I want to find and watch my “local” horror movies! Ask and you shall receive! Here’s a link to explore the map for your local horror movies!
When The: afloweroutofstone:

iamicecreamsbitch:

averyterrible:


afloweroutofstone:

afloweroutofstone:

the-real-numbers:

identicaltomyself:


argumate:


afloweroutofstone:
Spent the last four hours or so starting on a new project: mapping the locations of famous horror movies set in America. It’s a work in progress, y’all’ see more when I’m done.
this is like when the RAF tried to figure out where to armour their bombers by looking at the distribution of bullet holes; the empty area on the map is where nobody lived to tell the tale.


It follows population density pretty closely except that the desert Southwest is over represented. Is that because it’s close to Hollywood? Cheap to shoot in? High density of chupacabras?


That’s just where the spooky is. Everything else is just noise from large populations.

Since @argumate​ brought this back, here’s what the map looks like today:
I started adding any horror movie at all, not just well-known ones. Also, it’s global now!

@cominyern​ Subgenre! 
Red is killer/slasher/psychological
Blue is monster/creature
Yellow is ghost/spirit/demon
Green is alien
Black is zombies
Purple is vampires
It lets you look at some cool regional trends, like how ghosts are huge in New England while aliens and vampires have a cluster in the Southwest.

that the original had a lot of black in Pittsburgh is unsurprising, given where a certain George Romero came from, but it now has an interesting relative density and variety.

(i blame the Tom Savini practical effects school in Monessen, personally)



I wish this was an interactive map I want to find and watch my “local” horror movies! 

Ask and you shall receive! Here’s a link to explore the map for your local horror movies!

afloweroutofstone: iamicecreamsbitch: averyterrible: afloweroutofstone: afloweroutofstone: the-real-numbers: identicaltomyself:...

When The: Picked out my mask for when the bars reopen.
When The: Picked out my mask for when the bars reopen.

Picked out my mask for when the bars reopen.

When The: Picked out my mask for when the bars reopen.
When The: Picked out my mask for when the bars reopen.

Picked out my mask for when the bars reopen.

When The: When the end game credits appear by smartaleckduck MORE MEMES
When The: When the end game credits appear by smartaleckduck
MORE MEMES

When the end game credits appear by smartaleckduck MORE MEMES

When The: When the end game credits appear
When The: When the end game credits appear

When the end game credits appear

When The: rayethefox14524: g-blocking-antis: notice-me-cherry-pie: the-joker-hates-sjws: kaldicuct: jdbsmg-star: henryismywaifu: tinybookling: littleblackchat: lifeiscaulscott: semiauto14: daissychainss: dilfweed: jennaavh: madmints: takesabeating: cheshireinthemiddle: ginzers: spoopy-roxxi: ginzers: spoopy-roxxi: ginzers: Teach children that this is not ok Teach children that there’s nothing wrong with this I’m really not understanding why you think cultural appropriation would be ok, unless you are assuming that the girl in the picture is part Japanese. Yellow face yet she’s using white makeup in the traditional style but okay. Cultural appropriation isn’t a thing, hon. ☺️ Cultures should be shared by all means. I disagree. The makeup is clearly reflective of traditional Geisha makeup which is yellowface and therefore racist. Furthermore, the girl is wearing a kimono, a garment that has for ages carried cultural significance. Assuming that she is white how can you think this is ok? And cultural appropriation isn’t a thing? What rock do you live under? I suggest you educate yourself on the differences between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation. I am japanese, in japan at this very moment. The only people who think culture shouldnt be shared are racists like you. A vast majority of Japanese people actually enjoy other people making an effort to spread and enjoy japanese culture, and encourage it. Many make businesses in deliberately taking pictures of people in kimono. A common omiage (gift) for foreigners from japanese people is traditional japanese things such as kimonos, tea seats, shisa dog statues, ect. And to top it off, basically 80 percent of japanese customs, traditions, and food, came from other countries. Japanese is an integration of different cultures, like america. Japan takes influences from places like korea, china, russia, and europe. If japan stuck to itself, there would be no tempura, japanese tea, tea ceremonies, kabuki, japanese bread, japanese curry, j- pop, anime, cars, or modern fishing techniques. The picture is not “yellow face” they are not making fun of asians. In fact, it looks like they put extra care and research into their work. The only reason that you have a problem with this is because that little girl is white and you know that it is acceptable on tumblr to crap all over white people. The only racist here is you. Rekt b t f o Dang she got shut down. Damn I’ve never hit reblog so fast in my entire fucking life Daaaaamn Pew pew pew I reblog this every time I see it I live in Japan and I’d like to back up this sentiment.  Recently a museum in Boston came under a lot of fire for allowing visitors to wear a ‘kimono’ (it was featuring a painting my Monet of a girl – a white girl – in a kimono, and the museum had replicas made that guests of ANY RACE could wear to mimic the painting, Pageant-of-the-Masters style). After protests and heated debate, the museum closed the event. I was living in Japan at the time, and out of all the *actual* Japanese people I asked, not a single one was offended by the event. Rather, they were excited that people half a world away were showing interest in their culture, and were sad that visitors could no longer enjoy the event. This party, though somewhat silly in application, is an attempt at experiencing and appreciating another culture. The mom who put this together is not an expert on Japan, but she did her best. She got a lot of things right: there are few things Japan loves more than tea, Pocky, and sakura.  Where do you draw the line for who is “allowed” to learn about Japan? If the girl were of Japanese descent, would that make it ok (even though her citizenship would be the same as the girl from the photo)? If one of the girl’s parents were from Japan, then would it be ok?  Are you only allowed to make pizza if you live in Italy? If you’re an Italian immigrant? How do we decide these things?? You can’t say you want to dismantle racism and then in the next breath make rules – based on race – for who people can wear, try, or eat, especially when the intent is obviously to have fun experiencing a culture (as opposed to having fun by making fun of a race or culture, like blackface does).  When you tell people they can only experience things ‘meant for their race’, it totally smacks of segregation to me and I can’t stand it. As someone who (obviously) loves Japan, I say let people learn about it, let people experience it, let people appreciate it. You don’t have to know every single thing about a culture to enjoy it. fucking people got owned is what, fuck i hate how people say you cant do shit when culture should be shared and is shared its how it grows and changes through fucking generations itS HOW YOU LEARN about the world and just fucking, tumblr fucking stupid like 70% of the dam time this new light Vintage post, sipping on it like fine wine. Always a fan of seeing this happen Have fun, not make fun of Same. I’m glad when people enjoy my culture, wear our traditional clothes and try our food recipes, as long as its respectful :) All people should try to learn other religions! I’m proud of this girl!
When The: rayethefox14524:

g-blocking-antis:


notice-me-cherry-pie:


the-joker-hates-sjws:

kaldicuct:

jdbsmg-star:

henryismywaifu:

tinybookling:

littleblackchat:

lifeiscaulscott:

semiauto14:

daissychainss:

dilfweed:

jennaavh:

madmints:

takesabeating:

cheshireinthemiddle:

ginzers:

spoopy-roxxi:

ginzers:

spoopy-roxxi:

ginzers:

Teach children that this is not ok

Teach children that there’s nothing wrong with this

I’m really not understanding why you think cultural appropriation would be ok, unless you are assuming that the girl in the picture is part Japanese.

Yellow face yet she’s using white makeup in the traditional style but okay.
Cultural appropriation isn’t a thing, hon. ☺️ Cultures should be shared by all means.

I disagree. The makeup is clearly reflective of traditional Geisha makeup which is yellowface and therefore racist. Furthermore, the girl is wearing a kimono, a garment that has for ages carried cultural significance. Assuming that she is white how can you think this is ok? And cultural appropriation isn’t a thing? What rock do you live under? I suggest you educate yourself on the differences between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation.

I am japanese, in japan at this very moment. The only people who think culture shouldnt be shared are racists like you. 
A vast majority of Japanese people actually enjoy other people making an effort to spread and enjoy japanese culture, and encourage it. Many make businesses in deliberately taking pictures of people in kimono. A common omiage (gift) for foreigners from japanese people is traditional japanese things such as kimonos, tea seats, shisa dog statues, ect. 
And to top it off, basically 80 percent of japanese customs, traditions, and food, came from other countries. Japanese is an integration of different cultures, like america. Japan takes influences from places like korea, china, russia, and europe. If japan stuck to itself, there would be no tempura, japanese tea, tea ceremonies, kabuki, japanese bread, japanese curry, j- pop, anime, cars, or modern fishing techniques. The picture is not “yellow face” they are not making fun of asians. In fact, it looks like they put extra care and research into their work. 
The only reason that you have a problem with this is because that little girl is white and you know that it is acceptable on tumblr to crap all over white people. The only racist here is you.

Rekt

b t f o

Dang she got shut down.

Damn I’ve never hit reblog so fast in my entire fucking life

Daaaaamn

Pew pew pew

I reblog this every time I see it

I live in Japan and I’d like to back up this sentiment. 
Recently a museum in Boston came under a lot of fire for allowing visitors to wear a ‘kimono’ (it was featuring a painting my Monet of a girl – a white girl – in a kimono, and the museum had replicas made that guests of ANY RACE could wear to mimic the painting, Pageant-of-the-Masters style). After protests and heated debate, the museum closed the event.
I was living in Japan at the time, and out of all the *actual* Japanese people I asked, not a single one was offended by the event. Rather, they were excited that people half a world away were showing interest in their culture, and were sad that visitors could no longer enjoy the event.
This party, though somewhat silly in application, is an attempt at experiencing and appreciating another culture. The mom who put this together is not an expert on Japan, but she did her best. She got a lot of things right: there are few things Japan loves more than tea, Pocky, and sakura. 
Where do you draw the line for who is “allowed” to learn about Japan? If the girl were of Japanese descent, would that make it ok (even though her citizenship would be the same as the girl from the photo)? If one of the girl’s parents were from Japan, then would it be ok? 
Are you only allowed to make pizza if you live in Italy? If you’re an Italian immigrant? How do we decide these things??
You can’t say you want to dismantle racism and then in the next breath make rules – based on race – for who people can wear, try, or eat, especially when the intent is obviously to have fun experiencing a culture (as opposed to having fun by making fun of a race or culture, like blackface does). 
When you tell people they can only experience things ‘meant for their race’, it totally smacks of segregation to me and I can’t stand it. As someone who (obviously) loves Japan, I say let people learn about it, let people experience it, let people appreciate it. You don’t have to know every single thing about a culture to enjoy it.



fucking people got owned is what, fuck i hate how people say you cant do shit when culture should be shared and is shared its how it grows and changes through fucking generations itS HOW YOU LEARN about the world and just fucking, tumblr fucking stupid like 70% of the dam time

this new light

Vintage post, sipping on it like fine wine.

Always a fan of seeing this happen



Have fun, not make fun of



Same. I’m glad when people enjoy my culture, wear our traditional clothes and try our food recipes, as long as its respectful :)



All people should try to learn other religions! I’m proud of this girl!

rayethefox14524: g-blocking-antis: notice-me-cherry-pie: the-joker-hates-sjws: kaldicuct: jdbsmg-star: henryismywaifu: tinybookl...

When The: epicdndmemes: When the RPing is going well but you spent hours on the battle map
When The: epicdndmemes:

When the RPing is going well but you spent hours on the battle map

epicdndmemes: When the RPing is going well but you spent hours on the battle map

When The: When the new album drops it’s a wrap by joethearchitect3 MORE MEMES
When The: When the new album drops it’s a wrap by joethearchitect3
MORE MEMES

When the new album drops it’s a wrap by joethearchitect3 MORE MEMES

When The: When the lightsaber rises by Captain_Jorik MORE MEMES
When The: When the lightsaber rises by Captain_Jorik
MORE MEMES

When the lightsaber rises by Captain_Jorik MORE MEMES

When The: When the lightsaber rises
When The: When the lightsaber rises

When the lightsaber rises

When The: Saw this on the side of my almond butter today. Justin will be fine when the bees come.
When The: Saw this on the side of my almond butter today. Justin will be fine when the bees come.

Saw this on the side of my almond butter today. Justin will be fine when the bees come.

When The: Saw this on the side of my almond butter today. Justin will be fine when the bees come.
When The: Saw this on the side of my almond butter today. Justin will be fine when the bees come.

Saw this on the side of my almond butter today. Justin will be fine when the bees come.

When The: When the gym reopens and you struggle to lift the weight you used to warm up with. Gymaholic App: https://www.gymaholic.co #fitness #motivation #meme #workout #gymaholic
When The: When the gym reopens and you struggle to lift the weight you used to warm up with.  Gymaholic App: https://www.gymaholic.co   #fitness #motivation #meme #workout #gymaholic

When the gym reopens and you struggle to lift the weight you used to warm up with. Gymaholic App: https://www.gymaholic.co #fitness #m...

When The: When the code reviewer asks me if I have documented the code.
When The: When the code reviewer asks me if I have documented the code.

When the code reviewer asks me if I have documented the code.

When The: But when the world needed him most, he vanished
When The: But when the world needed him most, he vanished

But when the world needed him most, he vanished

When The: cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) “we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?” “kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes. “we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.” “i know.” x “daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.” her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her. “daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor. “don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing. x “father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?” “your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.” she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says. x “why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam. “we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.” she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family. “it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.” x her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.” the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass. “why not?” the mermaid asks. “he’ll win,” the first mate says. the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks. x the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her. “don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.” x the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape. “let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.” they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her. she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings. the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone. x she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea. x “you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her. she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise. “i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.” the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. “we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either. “i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time. “guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.” “without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?” “i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?” “of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.” x the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid. “you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock. the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy. “they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.” “and now?” “they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?” the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.” She protects her family. Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link! https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817 That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there! HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER
When The: cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

cereusblue: unnameablethings: dragonsateyourtoast: redporkpadthai: dragonsateyourtoast: otherwindow: otherwindow: This is how the g...

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