Saucing
Saucing

Saucing

Happy Birthday Buddy
Happy Birthday Buddy

Happy Birthday Buddy

Voting For Trump
Voting For Trump

Voting For Trump

Banae
Banae

Banae

apartment
 apartment

apartment

bleeding
 bleeding

bleeding

40 yards
 40 yards

40 yards

momentous
momentous

momentous

dashing
dashing

dashing

thrown
thrown

thrown

🔥 | Latest

Candy, Christmas, and Gif: AT&T LTE 10:40 AM e * 67%. Amelia YOU MATCHED WITH AMELIA ON 6/23/18 A lost duck is walking through the forest. Which way does he go? To the left The duck waddles along and ends up by a lake. Farther along the shore is a bridge he can cross to get to the other side. Should the duck swim across the lake or go towards the bridge? Bridge Also... why is there a Christmas tree outside With night approaching the duck crosses the bridge. Smart decision as alligators are seen hiding in the lake The duck has a weird feeling there might have been treasure under the Christmas tree he passed. "Too late" he says to himself. On the other side the duck finds an abandoned mining town. However, power is still running Should the duck investigate one of the houses or pass through the town towards the mountain? Sk Omg this is a risky choice but the duck should investigate the house The duck is hesitant but decides to investigate the house. He finds that the front door is unlocked and slowly opens it, searching for any danger. He finds nothing of danger but keeps his guard up. In the entry way is an old Christmas tree, a desk with a phone and two doors. Where should he go? The Christmas tree The duck investigates under the Christmas tree and finds some old presents. With no one living in the town he decides to open them. He finds a hat making him feel way cooler, and some candy that he decides to eat. "Man I'm cool" says the duck. Should the duck leave or continue to investigate the house? Continue to investigate The duck looks into the two doors and finds the rooms are empty. "They must've left in a hurry" he says. The duck waddles to the desk and searches it finding nothing but a torn note. On it is written "Amelia's number" but the rest of the note is gone. The duck wonders if he should try a random phone number or leave the house and head towards the mountain. What should he do? Sunday 9:58 PM Try a random phone number Yesterday 4:31 PM The duck wonders what Amelia's phone number could be. What number should he try? Sent Today 10:06 AM GIF Type a message Apologies if its a repost. It madeth me laugh
Candy, Christmas, and Gif: AT&T LTE
 10:40 AM
 e
 * 67%.
 Amelia
 YOU MATCHED WITH AMELIA ON 6/23/18
 A lost duck is walking through the
 forest. Which way does he go?
 To the left
 The duck waddles along and ends up
 by a lake. Farther along the shore is a
 bridge he can cross to get to the other
 side. Should the duck swim across the
 lake or go towards the bridge?
 Bridge
 Also... why is there a Christmas tree
 outside
 With night approaching the duck
 crosses the bridge. Smart decision as
 alligators are seen hiding in the lake
 The duck has a weird feeling there
 might have been treasure under the
 Christmas tree he passed. "Too late"
 he says to himself. On the other side
 the duck finds an abandoned mining
 town. However, power is still running
 Should the duck investigate one of the
 houses or pass through the town
 towards the mountain?
 Sk
 Omg this is a risky choice but the duck
 should investigate the house
 The duck is hesitant but decides to
 investigate the house. He finds that
 the front door is unlocked and slowly
 opens it, searching for any danger. He
 finds nothing of danger but keeps his
 guard up. In the entry way is an old
 Christmas tree, a desk with a phone
 and two doors. Where should he go?
 The Christmas tree
 The duck investigates under the
 Christmas tree and finds some old
 presents. With no one living in the
 town he decides to open them. He
 finds a hat making him feel way
 cooler, and some candy that he
 decides to eat. "Man I'm cool" says
 the duck. Should the duck leave or
 continue to investigate the house?
 Continue to investigate
 The duck looks into the two doors and
 finds the rooms are empty. "They
 must've left in a hurry" he says. The
 duck waddles to the desk and
 searches it finding nothing but a torn
 note. On it is written "Amelia's
 number" but the rest of the note is
 gone. The duck wonders if he should
 try a random phone number or leave
 the house and head towards the
 mountain. What should he do?
 Sunday 9:58 PM
 Try a random phone number
 Yesterday 4:31 PM
 The duck wonders what Amelia's
 phone number could be. What number
 should he try?
 Sent
 Today 10:06 AM
 GIF
 Type a message
Apologies if its a repost. It madeth me laugh

Apologies if its a repost. It madeth me laugh

80s, Ariana Grande, and Bad: This dog throwing a ball on the beach @DrSmashlove A dear friend of mine who live in NYC was seriously dating a man from out of town. He planned to move to NYC and they planned to start a life together. He ended up calling it all off and it hurt her badly. I was texting with her and she said out of deep frustration “I HONESTLY JUST WANNA B LIKE ARIANA GRANDE THANK U NEXT BUT NOOO”. This really hurt my heart. Lemme splain y’all some. First, even Ariana ain’t like Ariana. I don’t know what Ariana was like as a child or what she like now. None of us do. Everything about her - from her music to her social media - is carefully crafted-curated by a team of dozens of people who make their living off of her. She has the fourth largest IG account with 136M followers. She don’t just walk into a bathroom bust a selfie and post it like y’all. She got a team of former Facebook-IG employees who analyze IG activity to the millisecond and post content that will guarantee growth and exposure of her account. And her music is cranked out by the same old balding men in creepy black nike caps, bad tans and tight jeans who managed Guns N Roses-Metallica in the 80s and now have decided that dressing a grown woman up as a lil girl with bows in her hair is the wave. Don’t ever get lost in the sauce. NOBODY’s heart is built like that. NOBODY invest they entire existence someone and then by the next day they like “thank u next”. That’s a tag line only someone with a sick heart (in a black nike baseball cap 😂) could devise. It’s not real. Love is a gift. Sometimes the world gets in the way. Don’t stop loving with all your heart. My friend said “What if I never meet anyone who makes me feel like that? Or worse, what if I can’t let myself feel like that with someone who deserves it bc he fvcked up my sense of trust so bad?” Well bish that’s how the heart works lol! That’s how u feel when u in love and it get torn apart! U feel like maybe u never gon be in love again! Nah. A merciful God ain’t build us like that and God is indeed merciful. Give it time. U will love again and realize that ya ex was a whole trash can. It take time to heal but it will happen. Don’t hold yourself to someone else’s timeline! Ever! Love y’all. Bless up ❤️
80s, Ariana Grande, and Bad: This dog throwing a ball on the beach
 @DrSmashlove
A dear friend of mine who live in NYC was seriously dating a man from out of town. He planned to move to NYC and they planned to start a life together. He ended up calling it all off and it hurt her badly. I was texting with her and she said out of deep frustration “I HONESTLY JUST WANNA B LIKE ARIANA GRANDE THANK U NEXT BUT NOOO”. This really hurt my heart. Lemme splain y’all some. First, even Ariana ain’t like Ariana. I don’t know what Ariana was like as a child or what she like now. None of us do. Everything about her - from her music to her social media - is carefully crafted-curated by a team of dozens of people who make their living off of her. She has the fourth largest IG account with 136M followers. She don’t just walk into a bathroom bust a selfie and post it like y’all. She got a team of former Facebook-IG employees who analyze IG activity to the millisecond and post content that will guarantee growth and exposure of her account. And her music is cranked out by the same old balding men in creepy black nike caps, bad tans and tight jeans who managed Guns N Roses-Metallica in the 80s and now have decided that dressing a grown woman up as a lil girl with bows in her hair is the wave. Don’t ever get lost in the sauce. NOBODY’s heart is built like that. NOBODY invest they entire existence someone and then by the next day they like “thank u next”. That’s a tag line only someone with a sick heart (in a black nike baseball cap 😂) could devise. It’s not real. Love is a gift. Sometimes the world gets in the way. Don’t stop loving with all your heart. My friend said “What if I never meet anyone who makes me feel like that? Or worse, what if I can’t let myself feel like that with someone who deserves it bc he fvcked up my sense of trust so bad?” Well bish that’s how the heart works lol! That’s how u feel when u in love and it get torn apart! U feel like maybe u never gon be in love again! Nah. A merciful God ain’t build us like that and God is indeed merciful. Give it time. U will love again and realize that ya ex was a whole trash can. It take time to heal but it will happen. Don’t hold yourself to someone else’s timeline! Ever! Love y’all. Bless up ❤️

A dear friend of mine who live in NYC was seriously dating a man from out of town. He planned to move to NYC and they planned to start a lif...

Advice, Brains, and Coca-Cola: Peanut butter spaceorphan18: sulkingheals: downtroddendeity: jacemp3: monkeysaysficus: audrey-hepbae: catchymemes: 10 tricks you didn’t know you could do with your food. By Blossom The internet went from showing food recipe videos to alchemy in less than a decade. There’s going to be a quick video on how to make the philosopher’s stone from tomato sauce next week.  I WANNA DRINK THE TRANSPARENT SODA leave milk out unrefrigerated in your house for 2 days Some days ago, my sibling sent me this video out of the desperate hope I could provide the catharsis of seeing it torn to pieces. It has now been coming on 72 hours, and only now have I recovered enough to be able to do much of anything but scream, “WHAT?!” and “NO!” at the screen. We had a long discussion about what in the twelve hells this video even is. A surreal, dadaist parody so obscure that our brains aren’t operating on enough levels to comprehend it? The Instagram lifehack equivalent of those terrifying procedurally-generated animated Youtube videos that farm ad revenue by playing millions of times to babies whose parents left the iPad on autoplay? A coded message designed to activate the combat programming of brainwashed cyborg sleeper agents? A post that slipped through a wormhole from an alternate dimension where the laws of reality are different? An emanation of a vast and alien chaos god? I cannot bring myself to confront the claims in this video in the order they are put forth without losing my will to live after the first one, so I will start with the least crazy and work my way up. Bananas to ripen things: More or less true. You’ll sometimes see advice to cooks to store underripe fruit in a paper bag with one piece of overripe (but not rotten) fruit to ripen it more quickly.Misrepresentations: It will probably take longer than overnight to ripen something as green as some of those tomatoes, and it doesn’t have to be a banana. Coca-cola and milk: The coke is more acidic than the milk and curdles it, resulting in solid globs of milk protein which settle out. The brown dye in the coke sticks to the milk protein globs, leaving the excess liquid more or less clear.Misrepresentations: The video has been enormously sped up, which the editing does not make clear; the reaction takes hours. Ketchup to clean metal: To my mild surprise, this is actually a thing (though you could just make a paste out of salt, flour, and vinegar and scrub with that and not get ketchup stains on everything)…Misrepresentations: …for cleaning copper and bronze. Which the jug shown in the video is not. The acid in the ketchup might take some of the tarnish off, say, aluminum, but at that point you might as well just use vinegar. Sparkling water omelet: Omelet souffles are a thing.Misrepresentations: You… literally do not need the sparkling water… you can just beat the eggs until they’re fluffy… “Warm water clears wax from fruits!”: This is a mysterious and arcane procedure called “washing.”Misrepresentations: I don’t know what the hell they even did to the video on this sequence but as a person who has washed many apples in warm water, it does not look like that and the thin layer of edible wax applied to make them look good in the grocery store does not come off that easily. Sprite to clean earrings: Again, this will take tarnish off some metals just due to the acid, but…Misrepresentations: DO YOU WANT GROSS STICKY EARRINGS AND EAR INFECTIONS? JUST USE VINEGAR WATER. Also, “dirt” is not a kind of molecule. (Incidentally, if the earrings are silver, there is a vastly better method that actually reverses the tarnish instead of removing it.) Insta-freeze bottle: This is a real thing…Misrepresentation: …which absolutely will not happen if you follow their instructions, because a) they neglect to mention an important caveat (the water needs to be purified/distilled) and b) 5 minutes is not long enough for a water bottle to supercool. If you google any of the myriad videos and articles of people doing this trick, you’ll see numbers like “3 hours in the freezer” or “40 minutes in a salted ice bath.” There is video of the trick working. Either that footage was taken from someone else, or they knew how to do it, did it, and then deliberately lied about the time for no apparent reason. Putting a broken plate in milk for two days magically fixes it: To my immense surprise, they didn’t make this one up; the idea is that the milk protein casein can form into a plastic at high temperatures and bind to the ceramic. Googling it turned up some hobbyist potters commenting that they’d used it to salvage things that had cracked slightly in the kiln.Misrepresentations: Once again, they’ve misrepresented the method: everything I saw talking about how to do it said to boil the milk and then soak for an hour, not leave it out for two days like an offering to the pixies. And most of what I saw reported about it also said it only really works on hairline cracks, not full breaks, and doesn’t hold up long-term because the real structural damage isn’t repaired. And may leave a faint and persistent odor of boiled milk. Just use superglue. “Reveal the genetic memory of the honeycomb”: This is the kind of gibberish predicated on so many nonsensical assumptions that unpacking it would be more trouble than it’s worth. Plus, well, I can barely see anything with the low video quality, but what I can see of the vague blur doesn’t look much like a honeycomb in the first place. Suffice to say: “Honey looks like a honeycomb” isn’t even in the ballpark of what’s generally meant by “genetic memory,” what’s generally meant by “genetic memory” is also complete hooey, and fluid dynamics is weird and swirling a thick, viscous, water-soluble liquid with a layer of water on top is going to do weird things. But at least that I could potentially attribute to ignorance rather than deliberate intent to deceive, unlike… Hot coals and peanut butter This is the reason it’s taken me this long to post this. Every time I think about it my soul starts to leave my body. It’s such a mind-boggling level of bullshit that every time I’ve tried to put words around an explanation I’m quickly reduced to staring at the screen and mouthing “No” to myself in a voice of quiet despair, because I can’t even figure out where to start. Well, okay, I guess I might as well start by saying I think their… let’s say inspiration on this was articles about scientists who made diamonds out of peanut butter and carbon dioxide. …With a press that’s designed to recreate the conditions of the earth’s mantle, and which is prone to exploding. So, you know, not something you can do in your kitchen. Unless you have one hell of a kitchen. You can see the direct links to this in the nonsensical claim that this “works” because peanut butter contains carbon dioxide. (It doesn’t, particularly. It’s crushed peanuts mixed with oil. You know what would have a lot of carbon dioxide? The fire you pulled that glowing lump of charcoal out of.) It also mentions “pressure” when no particular pressure is involved, presumably because we’ve all heard about turning coal into diamond under heat and pressure. Chemically speaking, there’s very little to make that crystal out of except carbon, unless you want to posit a mass migration of all the sugar molecules in the peanut butter to the center of the coal. And “carbon crystal” = “diamond,” and do you think if it was that easy to make diamonds they’d be that expensive? I will guarantee you that crystal is a lump of quartz they covered in black crud and then peanut butter to pretend it was the charcoal. But, of course, all of that is irrelevant, because by reblogging this at all, even to performatively despair that the internet does not seem to have come all that far since the days of Infinite Chocolate, I’m playing into their hands. Lifehack clickbait has done this forever- they deliberately seed in wrong or awful advice because people will share that to say how stupid/wrong it is. They led with complete insanity to get attention, and I gave them eyeballs on the video watching this, and I’ll be giving them more from writing this. Maybe I’ll stick to the chaos god theory. It’s less depressing. @ohnofixit I apologize for being stupid enough to believe that video so reblogging the breakdown of why it was wrong. Why you shouldn’t believe everything on the internet. 
Advice, Brains, and Coca-Cola: Peanut butter
spaceorphan18:

sulkingheals:

downtroddendeity:

jacemp3:

monkeysaysficus:


audrey-hepbae:

catchymemes:

10 tricks you didn’t know you could do with your food.
By Blossom

The internet went from showing food recipe videos to alchemy in less than a decade. There’s going to be a quick video on how to make the philosopher’s stone from tomato sauce next week. 


I WANNA DRINK THE TRANSPARENT SODA


leave milk out unrefrigerated in your house for 2 days

Some days ago, my sibling sent me this video out of the desperate hope I could provide the catharsis of seeing it torn to pieces. It has now been coming on 72 hours, and only now have I recovered enough to be able to do much of anything but scream, “WHAT?!” and “NO!” at the screen.
We had a long discussion about what in the twelve hells this video even is. A surreal, dadaist parody so obscure that our brains aren’t operating on enough levels to comprehend it? The Instagram lifehack equivalent of those terrifying procedurally-generated animated Youtube videos that farm ad revenue by playing millions of times to babies whose parents left the iPad on autoplay? A coded message designed to activate the combat programming of brainwashed cyborg sleeper agents? A post that slipped through a wormhole from an alternate dimension where the laws of reality are different? An emanation of a vast and alien chaos god?
I cannot bring myself to confront the claims in this video in the order they are put forth without losing my will to live after the first one, so I will start with the least crazy and work my way up.
Bananas to ripen things: More or less true. You’ll sometimes see advice to cooks to store underripe fruit in a paper bag with one piece of overripe (but not rotten) fruit to ripen it more quickly.Misrepresentations: It will probably take longer than overnight to ripen something as green as some of those tomatoes, and it doesn’t have to be a banana.
Coca-cola and milk: The coke is more acidic than the
 milk and curdles it, resulting in solid globs of milk protein which 
settle out. The brown dye in the coke sticks to the milk protein globs, 
leaving the excess liquid more or less clear.Misrepresentations: The video has been enormously sped up, which the editing does not make clear; the reaction takes hours.
Ketchup to clean metal: To my mild surprise, this is actually a thing (though you could just make a paste out of salt, flour, and vinegar and scrub with that and not get ketchup stains on everything)…Misrepresentations: …for cleaning copper and bronze. Which the jug shown in the video is not. The acid in the ketchup might take some of the tarnish off, say, aluminum, but at that point you might as well just use vinegar.
Sparkling water omelet: Omelet souffles are a thing.Misrepresentations: You… literally do not need the sparkling water… you can just beat the eggs until they’re fluffy…


“Warm water clears wax from fruits!”: This is a mysterious and arcane procedure called “washing.”Misrepresentations: I don’t know what the hell they even did to the video on this sequence but as a person who has washed many apples in warm water, it does not look like that and the thin layer of edible wax applied to make them look good in the grocery store does not come off that easily.
Sprite to clean earrings: Again, this will take tarnish off some metals just due to the acid, but…Misrepresentations: DO YOU WANT GROSS STICKY EARRINGS AND EAR INFECTIONS? JUST USE VINEGAR WATER. Also, “dirt” is not a kind of molecule. (Incidentally, if the earrings are silver, there is a vastly better method that actually reverses the tarnish instead of removing it.)
Insta-freeze bottle: This is a real thing…Misrepresentation: …which absolutely will not happen if you follow their instructions, because a) they neglect to mention an important caveat (the water needs to be purified/distilled) and b) 5 minutes is not long enough for a water bottle to supercool. If you google any of the myriad videos and articles of people doing this trick, you’ll see numbers like “3 hours in the freezer” or “40 minutes in a salted ice bath.”
There is video of the trick working. Either that footage was taken from someone else, or they knew how to do it, did it, and then deliberately lied about the time for no apparent reason.
Putting a broken plate in milk for two days magically fixes it: To my immense surprise, they didn’t make this one up; the idea is that the milk protein casein can form into a plastic at high temperatures and bind to the ceramic. Googling it turned up some hobbyist potters commenting that they’d used it to salvage things that had cracked slightly in the kiln.Misrepresentations: Once again, they’ve misrepresented the method: everything I saw talking about how to do it said to boil the milk and then soak for an hour, not leave it out for two days like an offering to the pixies. And most of what I saw reported about it also said it only really works on hairline cracks, not full breaks, and doesn’t hold up long-term because the real structural damage isn’t repaired. And may leave a faint and persistent odor of boiled milk.
Just use superglue.
“Reveal the genetic memory of the honeycomb”:
This is the kind of gibberish predicated on so many nonsensical assumptions that unpacking it would be more trouble than it’s worth. Plus, well, I can barely see anything with the low video quality, but what I can see of the vague blur doesn’t look much like a honeycomb in the first place. Suffice to say:
“Honey looks like a honeycomb” isn’t even in the ballpark of what’s generally meant by “genetic memory,”
what’s generally meant by “genetic memory” is also complete hooey, and
fluid dynamics is weird and swirling a thick, viscous, water-soluble liquid with a layer of water on top is going to do weird things.
But at least that I could potentially attribute to ignorance rather than deliberate intent to deceive, unlike…
Hot coals and peanut butter
This is the reason it’s taken me this long to post this. Every time I think about it my soul starts to leave my body. It’s such a mind-boggling level of bullshit that every time I’ve tried to put words around an explanation I’m quickly reduced to staring at the screen and mouthing “No” to myself in a voice of quiet despair, because I can’t even figure out where to start.
Well, okay, I guess I might as well start by saying I think their… let’s say inspiration on this was articles about scientists who made diamonds out of peanut butter and carbon dioxide. …With a press that’s designed to recreate the conditions of the earth’s mantle, and which is prone to exploding. So, you know, not something you can do in your kitchen. Unless you have one hell of a kitchen.
You can see the direct links to this in the nonsensical claim that this “works” because peanut butter contains carbon dioxide. (It doesn’t, particularly. It’s crushed peanuts mixed with oil. You know what would have a lot of carbon dioxide? The fire you pulled that glowing lump of charcoal out of.) It also mentions “pressure” when no particular pressure is involved, presumably because we’ve all heard about turning coal into diamond under heat and pressure.
Chemically speaking, there’s very little to make that crystal out of except carbon, unless you want to posit a mass migration of all the sugar molecules in the peanut butter to the center of the coal. And “carbon crystal” = “diamond,” and do you think if it was that easy to make diamonds they’d be that expensive?
I will guarantee you that crystal is a lump of quartz they covered in black crud and then peanut butter to pretend it was the charcoal.
But, of course, all of that is irrelevant, because by reblogging this at all, even to performatively despair that the internet does not seem to have come all that far since the days of Infinite Chocolate, I’m playing into their hands. Lifehack clickbait has done this forever- they deliberately seed in wrong or awful advice because people will share that to say how stupid/wrong it is. They led with complete insanity to get attention, and I gave them eyeballs on the video watching this, and I’ll be giving them more from writing this.
Maybe I’ll stick to the chaos god theory. It’s less depressing.
@ohnofixit


I apologize for being stupid enough to believe that video so reblogging the breakdown of why it was wrong.

Why you shouldn’t believe everything on the internet. 

spaceorphan18: sulkingheals: downtroddendeity: jacemp3: monkeysaysficus: audrey-hepbae: catchymemes: 10 tricks you didn’t know you c...