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Occupy Democrats

Occupy Democrats

Howard
Howard

Howard

beached
 beached

beached

bag
 bag

bag

the kid
the kid

the kid

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the man
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Target, Tumblr, and Winter: SS WARRIMOO EQUATOR INTERNATIONAL DATE LINE rhube: rockyp77: GREAT SEA STORY The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought Captain John DS. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo’s position was LAT 0º 31’ N and LONG 179 30’ W. The date was 31 December 1899. “Know what this means?” First Mate Payton broke in, “We’re only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line”. Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime. He called his navigators to the bridge to check double check the ship’s position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed. The calm weather clear night worked in his favor. At mid-night the SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position were many: The forward part (bow) of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere in the middle of summer.  The rear (stern) was in the Northern Hemisphere in the middle of winter.  The date in the aft part of the ship was 31 December 1899. In the bow (forward) part it was 1 January 1900. This ship was therefore not only in: Two different days, Two different months, Two different years, Two different seasons But in two different centuries - all at the same time! What an absolute ledge.
Target, Tumblr, and Winter: SS WARRIMOO
 EQUATOR
 INTERNATIONAL
 DATE LINE
rhube:

rockyp77:



GREAT SEA STORY
The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought Captain John DS. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo’s position was LAT 0º 31’ N and LONG 179 30’ W. The date was 31 December 1899. “Know what this means?” First Mate Payton broke in, “We’re only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line”. Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime.


He called his navigators to the bridge to check  double check the ship’s position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed.

The calm weather  clear night worked in his favor. At mid-night the SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position were many:


The forward part (bow) of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere  in the middle of summer. 

The rear (stern) was in the Northern Hemisphere  in the middle of winter. 

The date in the aft part of the ship was 31 December 1899.

In the bow (forward) part it was 1 January 1900.



This ship was therefore not only in:


Two different days,



Two different months,



Two different years,



Two different seasons



But in two different centuries - all at the same time!

What an absolute ledge.

rhube: rockyp77: GREAT SEA STORY The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on ...

Apparently, Final Boss, and Party: thouartathaumaturgeharry G battlecrazed-axe-mage forgamers They should make a co- op game where you and a buddy go through many levels, leveling up and beating bosses But the final boss is each other You were my brother Player 2! crunchthedeerstroyer I one time did a campaign in DND where the entire party woke up in a trash heap, memories wiped, when a man in shining white armor approached them. He helped them up, healed them, and helped them escape what was essentially the dump and find their way into the sunlight. He told them of the tale of a wicked king of immense power who bargained for his abilities from a demon, hoping to save his kingdom, and succumbed to the evil after his wife died. The wife had a pearl necklace, and it was the man's duty to find those pearls, because they held a magic in them that could defeat the king This particular NPC was startlingly overpowered at first, right a long the levels of 6 while everyone else was just starting out, and he helped them along in the most dire situations, healing, defeating, and even resurrecting for them. There would be periods where he would be gone, and the party would have to face a crypt full of mummies together or dive into the deepest parts of the ocean and retrieve these milky white pearls that would give them the ability to help their friend and defeat the wicked king. Slowly, their memories came back to them, and that was a stark comfort for them, but the entire time, there seemed to be a piece missing After they retrieved 5 pearls (they broke the 6th one), they journied with the man to the wicked king's castle, and fought their way through endless ranks of guards, undead, demons, and even a lich, until they made their way to the sacred bed chamber of the king, that they all remembered the story of from before they had awoken in that garbage pile They opened the doors, only to find it empty save the usual furniture, marred by scratches and the ancient scrawl of demons. The man in the white armor sighed and walked into the bedroom. And his armor changed from white to pitch black, and the whole party remembered suddenly. That was the face of the wicked king, the face that smiled at them whenever he healed them, the face that looked stern as they suggested stupids things to find the pearls. Apparently, in lapses of the demon's control, the king had found a way to set him self up for defeat, by bringing his wive's pearls along with brave, powerful warriors. Every absence he felt was where he had to return to the demon's control and become the wicked king again, but he was determined to fight himself, to rid his own evil from the world, to end this curse of immortality and see his loved one again. I made the party fight the final boss, and they saw the eyes of a friend They all cried, and I am no longer allowed to DM for them. fuckyeahsnackables GLORIOUS. battlecrazed-axe- mage Excellent DMing! Source: forgamers 23,729 notes Great DD campaign
Apparently, Final Boss, and Party: thouartathaumaturgeharry
 G battlecrazed-axe-mage
 forgamers
 They should make a co-
 op game where you and
 a buddy go through many
 levels, leveling up and
 beating bosses But the
 final boss is each other
 You were my brother Player 2!
 crunchthedeerstroyer
 I one time did a campaign in DND where
 the entire party woke up in a trash heap,
 memories wiped, when a man in shining white
 armor approached them. He helped them up,
 healed them, and helped them escape what
 was essentially the dump and find their way
 into the sunlight. He told them of the tale
 of a wicked king of immense power who
 bargained for his abilities from a demon,
 hoping to save his kingdom, and succumbed
 to the evil after his wife died. The wife had a
 pearl necklace, and it was the man's duty to
 find those pearls, because they held a magic
 in them that could defeat the king
 This particular NPC was startlingly
 overpowered at first, right a long the levels
 of 6 while everyone else was just starting
 out, and he helped them along in the most
 dire situations, healing, defeating, and even
 resurrecting for them. There would be periods
 where he would be gone, and the party would
 have to face a crypt full of mummies together
 or dive into the deepest parts of the ocean
 and retrieve these milky white pearls that
 would give them the ability to help their friend
 and defeat the wicked king. Slowly, their
 memories came back to them, and that was
 a stark comfort for them, but the entire time,
 there seemed to be a piece missing
 After they retrieved 5 pearls (they broke the
 6th one), they journied with the man to the
 wicked king's castle, and fought their way
 through endless ranks of guards, undead,
 demons, and even a lich, until they made their
 way to the sacred bed chamber of the king,
 that they all remembered the story of from
 before they had awoken in that garbage pile
 They opened the doors, only to find it empty
 save the usual furniture, marred by scratches
 and the ancient scrawl of demons. The
 man in the white armor sighed and walked
 into the bedroom.
 And his armor changed from white to pitch
 black, and the whole party remembered
 suddenly. That was the face of the wicked
 king, the face that smiled at them whenever
 he healed them, the face that looked stern
 as they suggested stupids things to find the
 pearls. Apparently, in lapses of the demon's
 control, the king had found a way to set him
 self up for defeat, by bringing his wive's pearls
 along with brave, powerful warriors. Every
 absence he felt was where he had to return to
 the demon's control and become the wicked
 king again, but he was determined to fight
 himself, to rid his own evil from the world,
 to end this curse of immortality and see his
 loved one again.
 I made the party fight the final boss, and they
 saw the eyes of a friend
 They all cried, and I am no longer allowed
 to DM for them.
 fuckyeahsnackables
 GLORIOUS.
 battlecrazed-axe-
 mage
 Excellent DMing!
 Source: forgamers
 23,729 notes
Great DD campaign

Great DD campaign

Apparently, Final Boss, and Party: thouartathaumaturgeharry G battlecrazed-axe-mage forgamers They should make a co- op game where you and a buddy go through many levels, leveling up and beating bosses But the final boss is each other You were my brother Player 2! crunchthedeerstroyer I one time did a campaign in DND where the entire party woke up in a trash heap, memories wiped, when a man in shining white armor approached them. He helped them up, healed them, and helped them escape what was essentially the dump and find their way into the sunlight. He told them of the tale of a wicked king of immense power who bargained for his abilities from a demon, hoping to save his kingdom, and succumbed to the evil after his wife died. The wife had a pearl necklace, and it was the man's duty to find those pearls, because they held a magic in them that could defeat the king This particular NPC was startlingly overpowered at first, right a long the levels of 6 while everyone else was just starting out, and he helped them along in the most dire situations, healing, defeating, and even resurrecting for them. There would be periods where he would be gone, and the party would have to face a crypt full of mummies together or dive into the deepest parts of the ocean and retrieve these milky white pearls that would give them the ability to help their friend and defeat the wicked king. Slowly, their memories came back to them, and that was a stark comfort for them, but the entire time, there seemed to be a piece missing After they retrieved 5 pearls (they broke the 6th one), they journied with the man to the wicked king's castle, and fought their way through endless ranks of guards, undead, demons, and even a lich, until they made their way to the sacred bed chamber of the king, that they all remembered the story of from before they had awoken in that garbage pile They opened the doors, only to find it empty save the usual furniture, marred by scratches and the ancient scrawl of demons. The man in the white armor sighed and walked into the bedroom. And his armor changed from white to pitch black, and the whole party remembered suddenly. That was the face of the wicked king, the face that smiled at them whenever he healed them, the face that looked stern as they suggested stupids things to find the pearls. Apparently, in lapses of the demon's control, the king had found a way to set him self up for defeat, by bringing his wive's pearls along with brave, powerful warriors. Every absence he felt was where he had to return to the demon's control and become the wicked king again, but he was determined to fight himself, to rid his own evil from the world, to end this curse of immortality and see his loved one again. I made the party fight the final boss, and they saw the eyes of a friend They all cried, and I am no longer allowed to DM for them. fuckyeahsnackables GLORIOUS. battlecrazed-axe- mage Excellent DMing! Source: forgamers 23,729 notes Great DD campaign
Apparently, Final Boss, and Party: thouartathaumaturgeharry
 G battlecrazed-axe-mage
 forgamers
 They should make a co-
 op game where you and
 a buddy go through many
 levels, leveling up and
 beating bosses But the
 final boss is each other
 You were my brother Player 2!
 crunchthedeerstroyer
 I one time did a campaign in DND where
 the entire party woke up in a trash heap,
 memories wiped, when a man in shining white
 armor approached them. He helped them up,
 healed them, and helped them escape what
 was essentially the dump and find their way
 into the sunlight. He told them of the tale
 of a wicked king of immense power who
 bargained for his abilities from a demon,
 hoping to save his kingdom, and succumbed
 to the evil after his wife died. The wife had a
 pearl necklace, and it was the man's duty to
 find those pearls, because they held a magic
 in them that could defeat the king
 This particular NPC was startlingly
 overpowered at first, right a long the levels
 of 6 while everyone else was just starting
 out, and he helped them along in the most
 dire situations, healing, defeating, and even
 resurrecting for them. There would be periods
 where he would be gone, and the party would
 have to face a crypt full of mummies together
 or dive into the deepest parts of the ocean
 and retrieve these milky white pearls that
 would give them the ability to help their friend
 and defeat the wicked king. Slowly, their
 memories came back to them, and that was
 a stark comfort for them, but the entire time,
 there seemed to be a piece missing
 After they retrieved 5 pearls (they broke the
 6th one), they journied with the man to the
 wicked king's castle, and fought their way
 through endless ranks of guards, undead,
 demons, and even a lich, until they made their
 way to the sacred bed chamber of the king,
 that they all remembered the story of from
 before they had awoken in that garbage pile
 They opened the doors, only to find it empty
 save the usual furniture, marred by scratches
 and the ancient scrawl of demons. The
 man in the white armor sighed and walked
 into the bedroom.
 And his armor changed from white to pitch
 black, and the whole party remembered
 suddenly. That was the face of the wicked
 king, the face that smiled at them whenever
 he healed them, the face that looked stern
 as they suggested stupids things to find the
 pearls. Apparently, in lapses of the demon's
 control, the king had found a way to set him
 self up for defeat, by bringing his wive's pearls
 along with brave, powerful warriors. Every
 absence he felt was where he had to return to
 the demon's control and become the wicked
 king again, but he was determined to fight
 himself, to rid his own evil from the world,
 to end this curse of immortality and see his
 loved one again.
 I made the party fight the final boss, and they
 saw the eyes of a friend
 They all cried, and I am no longer allowed
 to DM for them.
 fuckyeahsnackables
 GLORIOUS.
 battlecrazed-axe-
 mage
 Excellent DMing!
 Source: forgamers
 23,729 notes
Great DD campaign

Great DD campaign

Apparently, Final Boss, and Party: thouartathaumaturgeharry battlecrazed-axe-mage forgamers They should make a co- op game where you and a buddy go through many levels, leveling up and beating bosses But the nal boss is each other You were my brother Player 2! crunchthedeerstroyer I one time did a campaign in DND where the entire party woke up in a trash heap, memories wiped, when a man in shining white armor approached them. He helped them up healed them, and helped them escape what was essentially the dump and find their way into the sunlight. He told them of the tale of a wicked king of immense power who bargained for his abilities from a demon, hoping to save his kingdom, and succumbed to the evil after his wife died. The wife had a pearl necklace, and it was the man's duty to find those pearls, because they held a magic in them that could defeat the king This particular NPC was startlingly overpowered at first, right a long the levels of 6 while everyone else was just starting out, and he helped them along in the most dire situations, healing, defeating, and even resurrecting for them. There would be periods where he would be gone, and the party would have to face a crypt full of mummies together or dive into the deepest parts of the ocean and retrieve these milky white pearls that would give them the ability to help their friend and defeat the wicked king. Slowly, their memories came back to them, and that was a stark comfort for them, but the entire time there seemed to be a piece missing After they retrieved 5 pearls (they broke the 6th one), they journied with the man to the wicked king's castle, and fought their way through endless ranks of guards, undead, demons, and even a lich, until they made their way to the sacred bed chamber of the king, that they all remembered the story of from before they had awoken in that garbage pile They opened the doors, only to find it empty save the usual furniture, marred by scratches and the ancient scrawl of demons. The man in the white armor sighed and walked into the bedroom And his armor changed from white to pitch black, and the whole party remembered suddenly. That was the face of the wicked king, the face that smiled at them whenever he healed them, the face that looked stern as they suggested stupids things to find the pearls. Apparently, in lapses of the demon's control, the king had found a way to set him self up for defeat, by bringing his wive's pearls along with brave, powerful warriors. Every absence he felt was where he had to return to the demon's control and become the wicked king again, but he was determined to fight himself, to rid his own evil from the world to end this curse of immortality and see his loved one again I made the party fight the final boss, and they saw the eyes of a friend They all cried, and I am no longer allowed to DM for them. fuckyeahsnackables GLORIOUS. battlecrazed-axe-mage Excellent DMing! Source: forgamers 23,729 notes The Quest For The Pearl Necklace
Apparently, Final Boss, and Party: thouartathaumaturgeharry
 battlecrazed-axe-mage
 forgamers
 They should make a co-
 op game where you and
 a buddy go through many
 levels, leveling up and
 beating bosses But the
 nal boss is each other
 You were my brother Player 2!
 crunchthedeerstroyer
 I one time did a campaign in DND where
 the entire party woke up in a trash heap,
 memories wiped, when a man in shining white
 armor approached them. He helped them up
 healed them, and helped them escape what
 was essentially the dump and find their way
 into the sunlight. He told them of the tale
 of a wicked king of immense power who
 bargained for his abilities from a demon,
 hoping to save his kingdom, and succumbed
 to the evil after his wife died. The wife had a
 pearl necklace, and it was the man's duty to
 find those pearls, because they held a magic
 in them that could defeat the king
 This particular NPC was startlingly
 overpowered at first, right a long the levels
 of 6 while everyone else was just starting
 out, and he helped them along in the most
 dire situations, healing, defeating, and even
 resurrecting for them. There would be periods
 where he would be gone, and the party would
 have to face a crypt full of mummies together
 or dive into the deepest parts of the ocean
 and retrieve these milky white pearls that
 would give them the ability to help their friend
 and defeat the wicked king. Slowly, their
 memories came back to them, and that was
 a stark comfort for them, but the entire time
 there seemed to be a piece missing
 After they retrieved 5 pearls (they broke the
 6th one), they journied with the man to the
 wicked king's castle, and fought their way
 through endless ranks of guards, undead,
 demons, and even a lich, until they made their
 way to the sacred bed chamber of the king,
 that they all remembered the story of from
 before they had awoken in that garbage pile
 They opened the doors, only to find it empty
 save the usual furniture, marred by scratches
 and the ancient scrawl of demons. The
 man in the white armor sighed and walked
 into the bedroom
 And his armor changed from white to pitch
 black, and the whole party remembered
 suddenly. That was the face of the wicked
 king, the face that smiled at them whenever
 he healed them, the face that looked stern
 as they suggested stupids things to find the
 pearls. Apparently, in lapses of the demon's
 control, the king had found a way to set him
 self up for defeat, by bringing his wive's pearls
 along with brave, powerful warriors. Every
 absence he felt was where he had to return to
 the demon's control and become the wicked
 king again, but he was determined to fight
 himself, to rid his own evil from the world
 to end this curse of immortality and see his
 loved one again
 I made the party fight the final boss, and they
 saw the eyes of a friend
 They all cried, and I am no longer allowed
 to DM for them.
 fuckyeahsnackables
 GLORIOUS.
 battlecrazed-axe-mage
 Excellent DMing!
 Source: forgamers
 23,729 notes
The Quest For The Pearl Necklace

The Quest For The Pearl Necklace

Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie: erinnightwalker: erinnightwalker: geostatonary: sixpenceee: “A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.” (Source) “HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.” “LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“ I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia. One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless. For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura. When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch. I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats. What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.) The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words. The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel. Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music. Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.) After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss. “……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.” “No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!” “WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.” “What the hell does that mean?!!” “DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.” “……..” “THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.” Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this…. Since you asked nicely ^_^ Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job. After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.) Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it. Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.) He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound. “You….you alright there buddy?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Right. Um. Well.” Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form. When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window. Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges. “Nice night for it, huh?” “…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢ “ “Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?” “Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “ “Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.” “ I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ ͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞ ̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟ ̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Anytime.” There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son. When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included). IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!! Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.) While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.) So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy. When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open. A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps. “GACK!” “NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?” “GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!” “I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.” “Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Is he supposed to be…..skinless?” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.” “…….laPDOG?!” “YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.” “……” “THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.” A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces. “NEIGHBOR STEVE?” “Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?” “I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.” Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten. Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”) This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash OMIGOSH I’m in love. I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.

bibliotecaria-d: ebonykain: karacat: othersideofforty: erinnightwalker: ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter: erinnightwalker: acaffeinejunkie...

Anna, Tumblr, and Blog: babyvintagee: Anna Nicole Smith for Newlook France, August 1993, photographed by Bert Stern
Anna, Tumblr, and Blog: babyvintagee:

Anna Nicole Smith for Newlook France, August 1993, photographed by Bert Stern

babyvintagee: Anna Nicole Smith for Newlook France, August 1993, photographed by Bert Stern

America, Hello, and Internet: Nightmargin @NightMargin Follow If you're gonna contact your reps about #NetNeutrality,,-, and you do any sort of business online (etsy store, commissions, etc), it might be a good idea to bring up your personal stakes in the call. A loss of revenue for small businesses is a very tangible consequence. 2:50 PM-22 Nov 2017 Nightmargin NightMargin Follow basically, give the impression that people who do BUSINESS are gonna be PISSED To: Brendan.Carr@fcc.gov Hello Mr. Carr I am Casey, an American citizen and small business owner in Arkansas who primarily conducts business online The Title Il net neutrality rules currently in place protects my business and my clients by allowing everyone the same access to the same information, including public listings for my products and services, and my advertisements on social media The FCC chairman's proposed plans to destroy net neutrality has the potential to throttle my customer base and make my business as well as the millions of similar businesses in the country, no longer sustainable Removing net neutrality regulations would only provide short-term benefits to large cable companies by allowing them to abuse their power. A tiered internet system--one that charges my customer base extra fees to go on certain social media websites--would kill franchises of all sizes in today's world, where business operations of all sizes rely on social media marketing to advertise. This would ruin a lot of livelihoods, and would no doubt upset a lot of hardworking American citizens! I hope you can take this into consideration, and abandon the FCC's plans to overthrow net neutrality. Please protect the free market that the current internet provides Thank you anosci: nightmargin: Here’s another exciting round of “I hope the internet doesn’t blow up”! Rumor has it that you use the language of MONEY you might get people’s attention faster, so here goes nothing… Call your reps: battleforthenet.com Fax your reps:  text ‘resist’ to 50409, follow instructions Send stern email to the FCC: Ajit Pai : Ajit.Pai@fcc.gov Michael O'Rielly:  Mike.ORielly@fcc.gov Brendan Carr: Brendan.Carr@fcc.gov (You can use my template (3rd image) if you want, just swap out the name and state and whatever else applies to your business model. Make it personal!) pretty much yeah my personal bullet points: I run a small business online removing net neutrality will limit my customer base liming my customer base is a great way to kill my business you don’t want to kill small businesses do you also maybe worth mentioning: Portugal already did this. We / America can do better. (Patriotism etc.)
America, Hello, and Internet: Nightmargin
 @NightMargin
 Follow
 If you're gonna contact your reps about
 #NetNeutrality,,-, and you do any sort of
 business online (etsy store, commissions, etc),
 it might be a good idea to bring up your
 personal stakes in the call. A loss of revenue
 for small businesses is a very tangible
 consequence.
 2:50 PM-22 Nov 2017

 Nightmargin
 NightMargin
 Follow
 basically, give the impression that people
 who do BUSINESS are gonna be PISSED

 To: Brendan.Carr@fcc.gov
 Hello Mr. Carr
 I am Casey, an American citizen and small business owner in Arkansas who primarily conducts business online
 The Title Il net neutrality rules currently in place protects my business and my clients by allowing everyone the same access to the
 same information, including public listings for my products and services, and my advertisements on social media
 The FCC chairman's proposed plans to destroy net neutrality has the potential to throttle my customer base and make my business
 as well as the millions of similar businesses in the country, no longer sustainable
 Removing net neutrality regulations would only provide short-term benefits to large cable companies by allowing them to abuse their
 power. A tiered internet system--one that charges my customer base extra fees to go on certain social media websites--would kill
 franchises of all sizes in today's world, where business operations of all sizes rely on social media marketing to advertise. This
 would ruin a lot of livelihoods, and would no doubt upset a lot of hardworking American citizens!
 I hope you can take this into consideration, and abandon the FCC's plans to overthrow net neutrality. Please protect the free
 market that the current internet provides
 Thank you
anosci:

nightmargin:

Here’s another exciting round of “I hope the internet doesn’t blow up”! Rumor has it that you use the language of MONEY you might get people’s attention faster, so here goes nothing…
Call your reps: battleforthenet.com
Fax your reps: 

text ‘resist’ to 50409, follow instructions
Send stern email to the FCC:


Ajit Pai : Ajit.Pai@fcc.gov Michael O'Rielly:  Mike.ORielly@fcc.gov Brendan Carr: Brendan.Carr@fcc.gov (You can use my template (3rd image) if you want, just swap out the name and state and whatever else applies to your business model. Make it personal!)

pretty much yeah
my personal bullet points:
I run a small business online
removing net neutrality will limit my customer base
liming my customer base is a great way to kill my business
you don’t want to kill small businesses do you
also maybe worth mentioning: Portugal already did this. We / America can do better. (Patriotism etc.)

anosci: nightmargin: Here’s another exciting round of “I hope the internet doesn’t blow up”! Rumor has it that you use the language of MON...

Memes, Money, and Nba: Former NBA Commissioner David Stern Thinks NBA Should Allow Marijuana Usage @balleralert Former NBA Commissioner David Stern Thinks NBA Should Allow Marijuana Usage - blogged by @baetoven_ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ While speaking to ex-NBA player AlHarrington in an interview for Uninterrupted, former NBA Commissioner DavidStern called for the league to allow the use of medical marijuana in states where it is legalized. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ "I'm now at the point where, personally, I think [marijuana] probably should be removed from the ban list," Stern told Harrington, who became a cannabis entrepreneur after playing in the NBA for 17 years. "I think there is universal agreement that marijuana for medical purposes should be completely legal." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Stern continued, “I think we have to change the Collective Bargaining Agreement and let you do what is legal in your state. If marijuana is now in the process of being legalized, I think you should be allowed to do what’s legal in your state.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Harrington revealed he first used medical marijuana after a botched knee surgery while playing for the DenverNuggets. He's already invested $3 million of his own money into the prescription drug industry.
Memes, Money, and Nba: Former NBA Commissioner David Stern
 Thinks NBA Should Allow Marijuana
 Usage
 @balleralert
Former NBA Commissioner David Stern Thinks NBA Should Allow Marijuana Usage - blogged by @baetoven_ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ While speaking to ex-NBA player AlHarrington in an interview for Uninterrupted, former NBA Commissioner DavidStern called for the league to allow the use of medical marijuana in states where it is legalized. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ "I'm now at the point where, personally, I think [marijuana] probably should be removed from the ban list," Stern told Harrington, who became a cannabis entrepreneur after playing in the NBA for 17 years. "I think there is universal agreement that marijuana for medical purposes should be completely legal." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Stern continued, “I think we have to change the Collective Bargaining Agreement and let you do what is legal in your state. If marijuana is now in the process of being legalized, I think you should be allowed to do what’s legal in your state.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Harrington revealed he first used medical marijuana after a botched knee surgery while playing for the DenverNuggets. He's already invested $3 million of his own money into the prescription drug industry.

Former NBA Commissioner David Stern Thinks NBA Should Allow Marijuana Usage - blogged by @baetoven_ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ While speaking to ex-NBA...

Bad, Friday, and Memes: Charles Barkley Says Steph Curry's White House Controversy "Sets a Bad Precedent" @balleralert Read More: www.balleralert.com Charles Barkley Says Steph Curry’s White House Controversy “Sets a Bad Precedent” - blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On Saturday, CharlesBarkley spoke out against StephCurry’s stern take on visiting the White House. The Hall of Famer, who is known for his controversial hot takes, discussed the situation in an interview with NBA TV, saying Curry’s decision “set a bad precedent.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “I think it’s unfortunate,” Barkley said of the incident between Curry and Trump. “I think that it’s an honor and a privilege to go to the White House, no matter who the president is. It’s an honor and a privilege. Also I thought it would have been an opportunity for those guys to sit down and talk to the president about some of the issues and concerns they had." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “If I got a chance to sit with the president, I think we are all concerned about police brutality. I’m concerned about DACA. That would have been a chance – they could have negotiated a sit down, instead of just coming to do that formal stuff, where you – he stands there and you get your jersey and everything. But it’s unfortunate. It’s just really sad to be honest with you. It’s an honor and a privilege. With guys not going to the White House because they don’t like who the president is, I think that sets a bad precedent.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On Friday, Curry sat down......to read the rest log on to BallerAlert.com (clickable link on profile)
Bad, Friday, and Memes: Charles Barkley Says Steph Curry's White
 House Controversy "Sets a Bad Precedent"
 @balleralert
 Read More: www.balleralert.com
Charles Barkley Says Steph Curry’s White House Controversy “Sets a Bad Precedent” - blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On Saturday, CharlesBarkley spoke out against StephCurry’s stern take on visiting the White House. The Hall of Famer, who is known for his controversial hot takes, discussed the situation in an interview with NBA TV, saying Curry’s decision “set a bad precedent.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “I think it’s unfortunate,” Barkley said of the incident between Curry and Trump. “I think that it’s an honor and a privilege to go to the White House, no matter who the president is. It’s an honor and a privilege. Also I thought it would have been an opportunity for those guys to sit down and talk to the president about some of the issues and concerns they had." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “If I got a chance to sit with the president, I think we are all concerned about police brutality. I’m concerned about DACA. That would have been a chance – they could have negotiated a sit down, instead of just coming to do that formal stuff, where you – he stands there and you get your jersey and everything. But it’s unfortunate. It’s just really sad to be honest with you. It’s an honor and a privilege. With guys not going to the White House because they don’t like who the president is, I think that sets a bad precedent.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On Friday, Curry sat down......to read the rest log on to BallerAlert.com (clickable link on profile)

Charles Barkley Says Steph Curry’s White House Controversy “Sets a Bad Precedent” - blogged by @MsJennyb ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On Saturday, Charle...

Apparently, Bad, and Confused: 2 What is gaslighting? NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 1.800.799.SAFE loveisrespect: What is Gaslighting? You’re crazy - that never happened. Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory. It’s all in your head. Does your significant other say things like this to you a lot? Do you often start questioning what’s really true – or even your own sanity – within your relationship? If so, your partner may be using what mental health professionals call “gaslighting.” This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he denies that the light changed when his wife points it out. It is a very effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship. Signs of being a victim of gaslighting (Stern, 2009) include: You constantly second-guess yourself. You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day. You often feel confused and even crazy. You’re always apologizing to your partner. You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists. You have trouble making simple decisions. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed. You feel hopeless and joyless. You feel as though you can’t do anything right. You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner. If any of these signs ring true for you, give us a call at 1-866-331-9474, chat online, or text loveis to 22522. Our advocates are here to support and listen to you! [Head over to loveisrespect.org to read this blogpost in its entirety.]
Apparently, Bad, and Confused: 2
 What is
 gaslighting?
 NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 1.800.799.SAFE
loveisrespect:

What is Gaslighting?
You’re crazy - that never happened.
Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.
It’s all in your head.
Does your significant other say things like this to you a lot? Do you often start questioning what’s really true – or even your own sanity – within your relationship? If so, your partner may be using what mental health professionals call “gaslighting.”
This term comes from the 1938 stage play Gas Light, in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he denies that the light changed when his wife points it out. It is a very effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control). Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.
Signs of being a victim of gaslighting (Stern, 2009) include:
You constantly second-guess yourself.
You ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” multiple times a day.
You often feel confused and even crazy.
You’re always apologizing to your partner.
You can’t understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren’t happier.
You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
You have trouble making simple decisions.
You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
You feel hopeless and joyless.
You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
You wonder if you are a “good enough” partner.
If any of these signs ring true for you, give us a call at 1-866-331-9474, chat online, or text loveis to 22522. Our advocates are here to support and listen to you!
[Head over to loveisrespect.org to read this blogpost in its entirety.]

loveisrespect: What is Gaslighting? You’re crazy - that never happened. Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory. It’s all in your head....