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Give

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river: inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: sonnetscrewdriver: dat-soldier: did-you-kno: Source back the fuck up There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up. So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him. The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off. Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes. did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out This just keeps getting better I fucking love history. ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire. The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked. On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro” and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing. and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave. Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.  and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked. Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river. Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.  Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows. Zhuge Liang is legend. I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History. If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff. Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this: Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes. Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
river: inquisitorhotpants:

burntcopper:

futureevilscientist:

optimysticals:

uovoc:

konec0:

sleepyferret:

shitfacedanon:

dat-soldier:

sonnetscrewdriver:

dat-soldier:

did-you-kno:

Source


back the fuck up


There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.


did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out


This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

I fully support watching Red Cliff; it’s gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.

Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D

inquisitorhotpants: burntcopper: futureevilscientist: optimysticals: uovoc: konec0: sleepyferret: shitfacedanon: dat-soldier: so...

river: phantomemes: lines taken from various characters and events in  tri - crescendo’s  game  ,  eternal sonata  ( 2007 ) .  feel free to change pronouns   ( he , she , they , i , etc )   &  tenses as you feel necessary . “ the morning light has now come ” “ it takes but a moment  ,  don’t worry ” “ you do not understand ” “ live in ignorance  ,  die in ignorance ” “ forget the pain you felt in the dream ” “ this is but a brief parting ” “ bow down before me ” “ cry me a river  ,  you wimp ” “ sorry  ,  but i’m in a hurry ” “ stay away from me ” “ will somebody please take care of that ? ” “ just shut your mouth and watch ” “ you better beg for mercy from this one ” “ you don’t look so good ” “ picking on weaklings really isn’t my style ” “ i’ll be perfectly polite when i send you flying ” “ are you looking down on me ? ” “ soon you’ll be dust on the ground ” “ would you just open your eyes ? ” “ pride goeth before the fall ” “ anything that gets in my way is going down ” “ transforming weakness into strength  ;  strength will surely become weakness ” “ break free from the cage that holds you ” “ when plants die  ,  the earth does not tremble ” “ if you strike a person their soul is scattered ” “ virtue does exist in this world ” “ i will be the shield that protects my people ” “ you gutless coward ” “ to me thou art a bone  ,  to me thou art as limbs ” “ the night shall become my clause ” “ my resolve will never waver ” “ so long you stupid bastard ” “ this is the end of your pathetic lives ” “ to enjoy the morning roses you must kill the insects ” “ you will die trembling ” “ oh  ,  i’ll hang you very slowly ” “ there is no tomorrow for the weak ” “ if something can not be recognized  ,  does it even exist ? ” “ war is simply a battle of egos ” “ at some point it’s no longer about who wins or loses ” “ i believe that the future holds infinite hope for all of us ” “ when a man’s consciousness is fading away he will find without fail that he comes face to face with his own soul and must challenge it ” “ i only want a chance to do something to help everyone ” “ ignoring the things that seem too hard to do eventually becomes a habit  ,  the natural thing to do ” “ the time has come for everything to be settled ” “ was this always my life’s purpose ? ” “ no one wants to touch someone like me ” “ do you plan to spend your whole life pretending to be someone you’re not ? ” “ people tend to act in ways that suit their own best interests ” “ you can’t just sit back and accept a destiny of death ” “ you can’t hesitate ” “ when one thing comes to an end  ,  something else begins ” “ you can give up when it’s really  ,  truly  ,  absolutely the very end ” “ are we only destined for destruction ? ” “ my life is nothing compared to his ” “ everything I’ve ever done has always just been an act ” “ making excuses just makes you look pathetic ” “ we learn from our mistakes and grow from them ” “ when you eliminate all the other possibilities  ,  you cannot escape the truth that remains ” “ there’s no use in comparing the dead with the living ” “ he needs to remember this pain ” “ i’ve no interest in hearing about your failure ” “ what I want is to be adored and admired for eternity ” “ you have a heart that sees the world with open eyes ”
river: phantomemes:
lines taken from various characters and events in  tri - crescendo’s  game  ,  eternal sonata  ( 2007 ) .  feel free to change pronouns   ( he , she , they , i , etc )   &  tenses as you feel necessary .
“ the morning light has now come ”
“ it takes but a moment  ,  don’t worry ”
“ you do not understand ”
“ live in ignorance  ,  die in ignorance ”
“ forget the pain you felt in the dream ”
“ this is but a brief parting ”
“ bow down before me ”
“ cry me a river  ,  you wimp ”
“ sorry  ,  but i’m in a hurry ”
“ stay away from me ”
“ will somebody please take care of that ? ”
“ just shut your mouth and watch ”
“ you better beg for mercy from this one ”
“ you don’t look so good ”
“ picking on weaklings really isn’t my style ”
“ i’ll be perfectly polite when i send you flying ”
“ are you looking down on me ? ”
“ soon you’ll be dust on the ground ”
“ would you just open your eyes ? ”
“ pride goeth before the fall ”
“ anything that gets in my way is going down ”
“ transforming weakness into strength  ;  strength will surely become weakness ”
“ break free from the cage that holds you ”
“ when plants die  ,  the earth does not tremble ”
“ if you strike a person their soul is scattered ”
“ virtue does exist in this world ”
“ i will be the shield that protects my people ”
“ you gutless coward ”
“ to me thou art a bone  ,  to me thou art as limbs ”
“ the night shall become my clause ”
“ my resolve will never waver ”
“ so long you stupid bastard ”
“ this is the end of your pathetic lives ”
“ to enjoy the morning roses you must kill the insects ”
“ you will die trembling ”
“ oh  ,  i’ll hang you very slowly ”
“ there is no tomorrow for the weak ”
“ if something can not be recognized  ,  does it even exist ? ”
“ war is simply a battle of egos ”
“ at some point it’s no longer about who wins or loses ”
“ i believe that the future holds infinite hope for all of us ”
“ when a man’s consciousness is fading away he will find without fail that he comes face to face with his own soul and must challenge it ”
“ i only want a chance to do something to help everyone ”
“ ignoring the things that seem too hard to do eventually becomes a habit  ,  the natural thing to do ”
“ the time has come for everything to be settled ”
“ was this always my life’s purpose ? ”
“ no one wants to touch someone like me ”
“ do you plan to spend your whole life pretending to be someone you’re not ? ”
“ people tend to act in ways that suit their own best interests ”
“ you can’t just sit back and accept a destiny of death ”
“ you can’t hesitate ”
“ when one thing comes to an end  ,  something else begins ”
“ you can give up when it’s really  ,  truly  ,  absolutely the very end ”
“ are we only destined for destruction ? ”
“ my life is nothing compared to his ”
“ everything I’ve ever done has always just been an act ”
“ making excuses just makes you look pathetic ”
“ we learn from our mistakes and grow from them ”
“ when you eliminate all the other possibilities  ,  you cannot escape the truth that remains ”
“ there’s no use in comparing the dead with the living ”
“ he needs to remember this pain ”
“ i’ve no interest in hearing about your failure ”
“ what I want is to be adored and admired for eternity ”
“ you have a heart that sees the world with open eyes ”

phantomemes: lines taken from various characters and events in  tri - crescendo’s  game  ,  eternal sonata  ( 2007 ) .  feel free to chan...

river: due to less pollution nile river water quality finally become drinkable
river: due to less pollution nile river water quality finally become drinkable

due to less pollution nile river water quality finally become drinkable

river: shot, beaten, poisoned and thrown into a river to drown
river: shot, beaten, poisoned and thrown into a river to drown

shot, beaten, poisoned and thrown into a river to drown

river: I'm never gonna agriculturaly recover from this [Battle of the Yres] [1938 Yellow River Flood]
river: I'm never gonna agriculturaly recover from this [Battle of the Yres] [1938 Yellow River Flood]

I'm never gonna agriculturaly recover from this [Battle of the Yres] [1938 Yellow River Flood]

river: *Kid tragically drowns in chocolate river*
river: *Kid tragically drowns in chocolate river*

*Kid tragically drowns in chocolate river*

river: My brother and I built inukshuks by a river on our vacation to the New England states.
river: My brother and I built inukshuks by a river on our vacation to the New England states.

My brother and I built inukshuks by a river on our vacation to the New England states.

river: Because my career fell apart, I got to spend five weeks with my son. I'd rather throw sticks in a river with him any day.
river: Because my career fell apart, I got to spend five weeks with my son. I'd rather throw sticks in a river with him any day.

Because my career fell apart, I got to spend five weeks with my son. I'd rather throw sticks in a river with him any day.

river: You see weird things every-day. As weird as a hobbit swimming in the river
river: You see weird things every-day. As weird as a hobbit swimming in the river

You see weird things every-day. As weird as a hobbit swimming in the river

river: Playing in the river before bath time
river: Playing in the river before bath time

Playing in the river before bath time

river: A pic of a river near my house
river: A pic of a river near my house

A pic of a river near my house

river: A man has fallen into the river in LEGO city
river: A man has fallen into the river in LEGO city

A man has fallen into the river in LEGO city

river: gacougnol: Paul CupidoRiver Run Always 2019
river: gacougnol:

Paul CupidoRiver Run Always
2019

gacougnol: Paul CupidoRiver Run Always 2019

river: The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.
river: The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.

The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.

river: The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.
river: The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.

The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.

river: The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.
river: The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.

The Connecticut River in four seasons. Each is a 4x6" oil on board.

river: Brought my whiskey to the river today
river: Brought my whiskey to the river today

Brought my whiskey to the river today

river: When a man has fallen into the river of Lego City
river: When a man has fallen into the river of Lego City

When a man has fallen into the river of Lego City

river: For context, this was on a River Monsters video, in which Jeremy Wade got injured catching a 250 pound fish.
river: For context, this was on a River Monsters video, in which Jeremy Wade got injured catching a 250 pound fish.

For context, this was on a River Monsters video, in which Jeremy Wade got injured catching a 250 pound fish.

river: So deep man i cried a river 😔👊
river: So deep man i cried a river 😔👊

So deep man i cried a river 😔👊

river: Brave pupper fording the river
river: Brave pupper fording the river

Brave pupper fording the river

river: On a video of Yiruma - River Flows in You...Sounds like the plot of one of those Sims 2 “child abuse story” videos 🙄
river: On a video of Yiruma - River Flows in You...Sounds like the plot of one of those Sims 2 “child abuse story” videos 🙄

On a video of Yiruma - River Flows in You...Sounds like the plot of one of those Sims 2 “child abuse story” videos 🙄

river: China builds 11 dams on Mekong River upstream, triggering ecological crisis in downstream countries
river: China builds 11 dams on Mekong River upstream, triggering ecological crisis in downstream countries

China builds 11 dams on Mekong River upstream, triggering ecological crisis in downstream countries

river: Iceland where Green Fields, Yellow River, Black Beach and Blue Sea meet!
river: Iceland where Green Fields, Yellow River, Black Beach and Blue Sea meet!

Iceland where Green Fields, Yellow River, Black Beach and Blue Sea meet!

river: Hudson River-Railroad Spike?
river: Hudson River-Railroad Spike?

Hudson River-Railroad Spike?

river: I took a picture of fishermen in a canoe fishing at Night at the source of River Nile
river: I took a picture of fishermen in a canoe fishing at Night at the source of River Nile

I took a picture of fishermen in a canoe fishing at Night at the source of River Nile

river: Colors of Lires' river
river: Colors of Lires' river

Colors of Lires' river

river: In Band of Brothers (2001) one of the men rowing across the river has no paddle.
river: In Band of Brothers (2001) one of the men rowing across the river has no paddle.

In Band of Brothers (2001) one of the men rowing across the river has no paddle.

river: Quinebaug River, Dudley, MA...sunset.
river: Quinebaug River, Dudley, MA...sunset.

Quinebaug River, Dudley, MA...sunset.

river: Cetina river in Croatia rafting
river: Cetina river in Croatia rafting

Cetina river in Croatia rafting

river: River Severn Tidal Bore. (better camera needed) link below for vid.
river: River Severn Tidal Bore. (better camera needed) link below for vid.

River Severn Tidal Bore. (better camera needed) link below for vid.

river: I found a car bumper partially submerged in a river
river: I found a car bumper partially submerged in a river

I found a car bumper partially submerged in a river

river: Chilling on a floating hotel on the River Kwai, Thailand
river: Chilling on a floating hotel on the River Kwai, Thailand

Chilling on a floating hotel on the River Kwai, Thailand

river: When you have the river path all to yourself...
river: When you have the river path all to yourself...

When you have the river path all to yourself...

river: When you have the river path all to yourself...
river: When you have the river path all to yourself...

When you have the river path all to yourself...

river: Out for an afternoon bicycle ride in Destrehan, Louisiana. On the river levee.
river: Out for an afternoon bicycle ride in Destrehan, Louisiana. On the river levee.

Out for an afternoon bicycle ride in Destrehan, Louisiana. On the river levee.

river: When you have the river path all to yourself...
river: When you have the river path all to yourself...

When you have the river path all to yourself...

river: Pewdiepie forgets peepeepoopoo don’t tell me felix forgot that peepeepoopoo pushed him into the river
river: Pewdiepie forgets peepeepoopoo don’t tell me felix forgot that peepeepoopoo pushed him into the river

Pewdiepie forgets peepeepoopoo don’t tell me felix forgot that peepeepoopoo pushed him into the river

river: Willie Nelson - whiskey river ..... I'm happy
river: Willie Nelson - whiskey river ..... I'm happy

Willie Nelson - whiskey river ..... I'm happy

river: Went for a nice walk in the park over the Tay River in Perth, Scotland.
river: Went for a nice walk in the park over the Tay River in Perth, Scotland.

Went for a nice walk in the park over the Tay River in Perth, Scotland.

river: Hey! A man has fallen into the river!
river: Hey! A man has fallen into the river!

Hey! A man has fallen into the river!

river: Children going to school having to cross a river by pulley in Modena, Italy. 1959
river: Children going to school having to cross a river by pulley in Modena, Italy. 1959

Children going to school having to cross a river by pulley in Modena, Italy. 1959

river: Having a splash in the river
river: Having a splash in the river

Having a splash in the river