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Apparently, Bitch, and Moms: ruby-white-rabbit There's a turtle in my yard laying eggs This bitch really gonna dump her kids on me and vamoose I'm not ready to be a single mom I know shit about reptiles I had to put a stick next to the nest because she decided the MIDDLE of our yard was the primo spot to give birth Mowing is gonna be interesting this summer Meet the mother leaving her wildlife progeny under my city girl care I'm googling turtles right now, I sent photos to my southern stepmom for help. Apparently she's a box turtle? 70 DAYS UNTIL THEY HATCH?? iplemons You a mom now Text from stepmom "watch out for foxes, cranes, raccoons, and snakes. They'll eat the eggs so chase them off ruby-white-rabbit mrswinterbarnes Name her Sharron, she sounds like she doesn't care about her kids @mrswinterbarnes you're not wrong. When I came back from closing the barn doors she was gone. Nowhere in sight. I thought turtles were supposed to be slow I was gone maybe ten minutes so first off, not even a goodbye?? I don't think Box turtles return to their nest either, so until they hatch and dig out YOU GONNA BE A MOMMA DAMN IT SHARRON First that bird makes its nursery in my bike basket on our porch and now this Why am I becoming a wildlife nanny?? UPDATE SHES BACK NEVERMIND ITS A DIFFERENT TURTLE That's two deadbeat turtle moms dropping their spawn on me ladystud Call this one Susan blad-the-inhaler You're like a really ticked-off nature witch who never signed up for this animal empath shit I'm trying to figure out when "oh, it's only midnight" to "omg it's already midnight" #lawnmowerpeople
Apparently, Bitch, and Moms: ruby-white-rabbit
 There's a turtle in my yard laying eggs
 This bitch really gonna dump her kids on me
 and vamoose
 I'm not ready to be a single mom
 I know shit about reptiles
 I had to put a stick next to the nest because
 she decided the MIDDLE of our yard was the
 primo spot to give birth
 Mowing is gonna be interesting this summer
 Meet the mother leaving her wildlife progeny
 under my city girl care
 I'm googling turtles right now, I sent photos
 to my southern stepmom for help. Apparently
 she's a box turtle?
 70 DAYS UNTIL THEY HATCH??
 iplemons
 You a mom now
 Text from stepmom "watch out for foxes,
 cranes, raccoons, and snakes. They'll eat the
 eggs so chase them off
 ruby-white-rabbit
 mrswinterbarnes
 Name her Sharron, she sounds like
 she doesn't care about her kids
 @mrswinterbarnes you're not wrong. When I
 came back from closing the barn doors she
 was gone. Nowhere in sight. I thought turtles
 were supposed to be slow
 I was gone maybe ten minutes so first off, not
 even a goodbye??
 I don't think Box turtles return to their nest
 either, so until they hatch and dig out
 YOU GONNA BE A MOMMA
 DAMN IT SHARRON
 First that bird makes its nursery in my bike
 basket on our porch and now this
 Why am I becoming a wildlife nanny??
 UPDATE
 SHES BACK
 NEVERMIND
 ITS A DIFFERENT TURTLE
 That's two deadbeat turtle moms dropping
 their spawn on me
 ladystud
 Call this one Susan
 blad-the-inhaler
 You're like a really ticked-off nature witch who
 never signed up for this animal empath shit
I'm trying to figure out when "oh, it's only midnight" to "omg it's already midnight" #lawnmowerpeople

I'm trying to figure out when "oh, it's only midnight" to "omg it's already midnight" #lawnmowerpeople

Children, Dude, and Dumb: webelieveinyoukris Being gay is natural? Okay You have three islands. Divide them into groups of one. The straight island, the gay island, and the lesbian island. The straight island is going to reproduce and keep going strong for millions of generations to come. The gay and lesbian islands will both wipe out in not even one century. This isn't just about religion or t simple common sense. Bei ing gay is unnatural, and not just because God said so, but because you yourself wouldn't even be born without a REAL natural man and woman. And no, there is no such thing as a lesbian bone marrow "thing to have children. That's a biased fact that came from a lesbian scientist who has false opinions. If it's not a real penis or vagina, then it's fucking false and you're just opinionated by dumb facts. I'm done here. Read over what I said and if you still think that being gay is normal and natural, then I hope you achieve some common sense one day. Bye yeinns Where is this gay island located.. asking for a friend queercakes just have SO MANY questions. Why were we all separated onto different islands? Did the government sanction this? If so, why? Why didn't we revolt against this tyrannical government? Where are these islands? How were they chosen? Are the continents of the world abandoned? What kind of resources are on each island? Are they the same or different? Does each island have a right to form its own govenment or does the government that segregated us still rule? If so, what island do they rule from and how do they communicate with the other two islands? If they can communicate with the other two islands, can all three islands communicate with each other? If the straight people keep reproducing won't their island become overpopulated and their resources depleted? Islands only have so much space right? Do straight people stop having gay kids? Isn't it a fact that, to date, straight people are the largest manufacturers of gay kids? If a gay kid is born on straight island, do they get sent to their appropriate island? Wouldn't that aid in the re-population of gay and lesbian island? What about people who are attracted to more than one gender? Are they just lost at sea floating aimlessly? Is the ocean full of listless pansexuals, fioating nowhere? Or are they trapped in some sort of purgatory because they don't fit on any one island? Are there trees on lesbian island? Is it conceivable that if there were, a arge group of lesbians could build a boat? Have you ever seen lesbians around timber? If they built a boat, could they travel to gay island? How far apart are the islands? If they could travel to gay island, would they be able to collect semen return to lesbian island, and repopulate the island? Would they be able to send some of those children to gay island? Do trans people exist in this world? If so wouldn't they be able to aid in repopulation? If the lesbians decided to declare war on the heterosexuals, would they be able to reach their island? On the way to heterosexual island, could the lesbians pick up the gays and scoop the floating bisexuals from the sea? If so, would they all be able to go and attack heterosexual island together, wiping out its people's, stealing its children and taking all its resources? Does this fantasy world get you off at night? Please write back soon fieldbears Speaking up from the pansexual archipelago: i too have these questions hellisbucky Checking in from bisexual bay: The boats are nearly complete and are equipped with a special invisibility function. We attack at dawn fieldbears Fuck the questions, lemme on that boat, I'm coming with you singoallala random ace just floating away into the sky like a balloon* jezunya I am so here for an asexual sky nation. We live in fioating cities and master the wind currents. Newly minted ace youths are sent up to us in baskets suspended under hot air balloons. We breed giant birds to bear us through the skies, or else build ourselves wings and gliders to fly in their midst. The only land we know are the tallest mountain peaks and the world is a bright blue gem spreading out beneath us And we will of course be providing air support for the impending attack on Straight Island) homieomorphism Long ago, the four nations lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Hetero Nation attacked Source:webelieveinyoukris #just. …like DUDE #also i love how absokuteky zero of this post's replies actually explain to op hiw they were dumb #instead they built the premise of a tv show that frankly needs to be funded asap 435,477 notes Sometimes a post is so freaking dumb that the only response is ridiculousness
Children, Dude, and Dumb: webelieveinyoukris
 Being gay is natural? Okay
 You have three islands. Divide them into groups of one. The straight island, the
 gay island, and the lesbian island. The straight island is going to reproduce and
 keep going strong for millions of generations to come. The gay and lesbian
 islands will both wipe out in not even one century. This isn't just about religion or
 t simple common sense. Bei
 ing gay is unnatural, and not just
 because God said so, but because you yourself wouldn't even be born without a
 REAL natural man and woman. And no, there is no such thing as a lesbian bone
 marrow "thing to have children. That's a biased fact that came from a lesbian
 scientist who has false opinions. If it's not a real penis or vagina, then it's fucking
 false and you're just opinionated by dumb facts. I'm done here. Read over what I
 said and if you still think that being gay is normal and natural, then I hope you
 achieve some common sense one day. Bye
 yeinns
 Where is this gay island located.. asking for a friend
 queercakes
 just have SO MANY questions. Why were we all separated onto different
 islands? Did the government sanction this? If so, why? Why didn't we revolt
 against this tyrannical government? Where are these islands? How were they
 chosen? Are the continents of the world abandoned? What kind of resources are
 on each island? Are they the same or different? Does each island have a right to
 form its own govenment or does the government that segregated us still rule? If
 so, what island do they rule from and how do they communicate with the other
 two islands? If they can communicate with the other two islands, can all three
 islands communicate with each other? If the straight people keep reproducing
 won't their island become overpopulated and their resources depleted? Islands
 only have so much space right? Do straight people stop having gay kids? Isn't it
 a fact that, to date, straight people are the largest manufacturers of gay kids? If
 a gay kid is born on straight island, do they get sent to their appropriate island?
 Wouldn't that aid in the re-population of gay and lesbian island? What about
 people who are attracted to more than one gender? Are they just lost at sea
 floating aimlessly? Is the ocean full of listless pansexuals, fioating nowhere? Or
 are they trapped in some sort of purgatory because they don't fit on any one
 island? Are there trees on lesbian island? Is it conceivable that if there were, a
 arge group of lesbians could build a boat? Have you ever seen lesbians around
 timber? If they built a boat, could they travel to gay island? How far apart are the
 islands? If they could travel to gay island, would they be able to collect semen
 return to lesbian island, and repopulate the island? Would they be able to send
 some of those children to gay island? Do trans people exist in this world? If so
 wouldn't they be able to aid in repopulation? If the lesbians decided to declare
 war on the heterosexuals, would they be able to reach their island? On the way
 to heterosexual island, could the lesbians pick up the gays and scoop the
 floating bisexuals from the sea? If so, would they all be able to go and attack
 heterosexual island together, wiping out its people's, stealing its children and
 taking all its resources? Does this fantasy world get you off at night? Please
 write back soon
 fieldbears
 Speaking up from the pansexual archipelago: i too have these questions
 hellisbucky
 Checking in from bisexual bay: The boats are nearly complete and are equipped
 with a special invisibility function. We attack at dawn
 fieldbears
 Fuck the questions, lemme on that boat, I'm coming with you
 singoallala
 random ace just floating away into the sky like a balloon*
 jezunya
 I am so here for an asexual sky nation. We live in fioating cities and master the
 wind currents. Newly minted ace youths are sent up to us in baskets suspended
 under hot air balloons. We breed giant birds to bear us through the skies, or else
 build ourselves wings and gliders to fly in their midst. The only land we know are
 the tallest mountain peaks and the world is a bright blue gem spreading out
 beneath us
 And we will of course be providing air support for the impending attack on
 Straight Island)
 homieomorphism
 Long ago, the four nations lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when the
 Hetero Nation attacked
 Source:webelieveinyoukris #just. …like DUDE
 #also i love how absokuteky zero of this post's replies actually explain to op hiw they
 were dumb
 #instead they built the premise of a tv show that frankly needs to be funded asap
 435,477 notes
Sometimes a post is so freaking dumb that the only response is ridiculousness

Sometimes a post is so freaking dumb that the only response is ridiculousness

Bodies , Fire, and Frozen: Yuri Doroshenko Lyudmila Dubinina gor Dyatlov Alexander Zinaida Kolmogorova Kolevatov Yuri Krivonischenko Rustem Slobodin Nikolai Thibeaux- Semyon Zolotaryov Yuri Yudin* lostcrimeprincess: The Dyatlov Pass Incident occurred in the Ural mountains of Russia nearly 60 years ago. 9 experienced hikers were found frozen in the snow with unusual injuries and even more unusual circumstances surrounding their deaths.A hiking group from the Ural PolyTechnical institute, lead by Igor Dyatlov, were hiking to Ortem, a category three hiking trip(the most difficult) The trip was no worry to the hikers(originally 8 men and 2 women) as they were all experienced hikers and skiers.Before they set out on what would be the last leg of their journey one of the men, Yuri Yudin, did not feel well and had to leave early. This illness would save his life.The group of 9 set up camp on the base of the mountain called Kholat Syakhl, also known as “Dead Mountain) in Mansi. It is unknown why they camped on the slope and not down near the forest where they would have more shelter from the elements. By the next morning all the hikers would be dead. Some of the bodies wuld not be found for 3 months.Here is where their deaths become a mystery. It was determined they froze to death(6) or died of fatal injuries(3) however their bodoes were scattered up to 3000 meters from their tent, which had been cut open from the inside. Yuri Krivonischenko and Yuri Doreschenko were found 2000 meters down the hill huddled together with a dead fire. Branches on the tree they were under were broken up to 5 meters high suggesting one of them climbed up the tree. They were both shoe less and only in their underwear. Between the cedar tree and the camp the bodies of Igor Dyatlov,  Zinaida Kolomogorova, and Rustem Slobodin were found in positions suggesting they tried to return to the camp. All of these bodies were found February 26, 1959.It wasn’t until May 6 that year that the last four hikers would be found dead under 4 meters of snow in a ravine 2075 meters away from the tent. Lyudmilla Dubinina had been found face down in the ravine missing her tongue, lips, and eyes. She had also sustained a major chest fracture along with Zolotaryov, though neither had bruising on their bodies or soft tissue to suggest anything causing the fracture. Thibeaux-Brignolles had also sustained a major skull fracture. The injuries Thibeaux-Brignolles, Zolotaryov, and Dubinina sustained that lead to their deaths were made with a force as strong as a car crash said  Dr. Boris Vozrozhdenny when asked.  Those who had died first had relinquished their clothing to the other as Zolotaryov was wearing Dubinina’s faux fur coat.The nine hikers were the only people on the mountain that night, they had all died within 6-8 hours of their last meal, and they all left the tent by their own accord. Some hikers camping on a mountain a few kilometers away reported seeing strange orange orbs in the sky that night and the last picture on Krioneschenko’s camera showed some blurry orbs. It was also reported that at the funerals for the hikers their bodies held a deep tan, an almost orange one. Ultimately their death was ruled to be caused by an unknown force and may remain a mystery forever. 
Bodies , Fire, and Frozen: Yuri Doroshenko
 Lyudmila Dubinina
 gor Dyatlov
 Alexander
 Zinaida
 Kolmogorova
 Kolevatov
 Yuri Krivonischenko
 Rustem Slobodin
 Nikolai Thibeaux-
 Semyon Zolotaryov
 Yuri Yudin*
lostcrimeprincess:

The Dyatlov Pass Incident occurred in the Ural mountains of Russia nearly 60 years ago. 9 experienced hikers were found frozen in the snow with unusual injuries and even more unusual circumstances surrounding their deaths.A hiking group from the Ural PolyTechnical institute, lead by Igor Dyatlov, were hiking to Ortem, a category three hiking trip(the most difficult) The trip was no worry to the hikers(originally 8 men and 2 women) as they were all experienced hikers and skiers.Before they set out on what would be the last leg of their journey one of the men, Yuri Yudin, did not feel well and had to leave early. This illness would save his life.The group of 9 set up camp on the base of the mountain called Kholat Syakhl, also known as “Dead Mountain) in Mansi. It is unknown why they camped on the slope and not down near the forest where they would have more shelter from the elements. By the next morning all the hikers would be dead. Some of the bodies wuld not be found for 3 months.Here is where their deaths become a mystery. It was determined they froze to death(6) or died of fatal injuries(3) however their bodoes were scattered up to 3000 meters from their tent, which had been cut open from the inside. Yuri Krivonischenko and Yuri Doreschenko were found 2000 meters down the hill huddled together with a dead fire. Branches on the tree they were under were broken up to 5 meters high suggesting one of them climbed up the tree. They were both shoe less and only in their underwear. Between the cedar tree and the camp the bodies of Igor Dyatlov,  Zinaida Kolomogorova, and Rustem Slobodin were found in positions suggesting they tried to return to the camp. All of these bodies were found February 26, 1959.It wasn’t until May 6 that year that the last four hikers would be found dead under 4 meters of snow in a ravine 2075 meters away from the tent. Lyudmilla Dubinina had been found face down in the ravine missing her tongue, lips, and eyes. She had also sustained a major chest fracture along with Zolotaryov, though neither had bruising on their bodies or soft tissue to suggest anything causing the fracture. 

Thibeaux-Brignolles had also sustained a major skull fracture.

The injuries Thibeaux-Brignolles, Zolotaryov, and Dubinina sustained that lead to their deaths were made with a force as strong as a car crash said  Dr. Boris Vozrozhdenny when asked. 

  Those who had died first had relinquished their clothing to the other as 

 Zolotaryov was wearing Dubinina’s faux fur coat.The nine hikers were the only people on the mountain that night, they had all died within 6-8 hours of their last meal, and they all left the tent by their own accord. Some hikers camping on a mountain a few kilometers away reported seeing strange orange orbs in the sky that night and the last picture on Krioneschenko’s camera showed some blurry orbs. It was also reported that at the funerals for the hikers their bodies held a deep tan, an almost orange one. Ultimately their death was ruled to be caused by an unknown force and may remain a mystery forever. 

lostcrimeprincess: The Dyatlov Pass Incident occurred in the Ural mountains of Russia nearly 60 years ago. 9 experienced hikers were found ...

Animals, Ass, and Bad: Hey since I haven't been active in forever, who wants to hear a story about how 1 became a local cryptid in my town? Heck yeah! Yes Reply Alright lets do this So l live in a small neighborhood kinda thing, Its honestly shaped like someone connected two bongs with a straw that leads out to the street, so very tiny and not a lot of people drive through cause its a dead end and surrounded by woods Anyways, so it's Saturday morning, like 3 am and my sister has taken her behemoth of a dog outside Little background, this dog is a saint bermard, lab mix, so he big. Hes also amazingly stupid. He's only three and we got him a year ago so he still does stupid shit all the time. Anyways hes got a long lead line on him, probably 30 ft, so hes off doing whatever and ny sister is kinda dazed, still sleepy. Homeboy fucking TAKES OFF and runs into the woods behind y house, taking that lead with him and a good chunk of my sisters pal skin. Whatever he's chasing has speed, and hes keeping up with it. So l run outside cause shes screaming his name and start to take off after him. 1 thought that mother fucker would get caught on a tree due to the lead but nope was I wrong. Now the woods probably go a mile back before they hit road, and then stretch around s miles hotizontally I'm worried this dumb dog is gonna run into the street and get hit, so l run the mile to the street (with my very out of shape body. 1 honestly thought I was going to die). After like r5 minutes of tripping and trying to make my way through this damn jungle, I get to the street. At this point 1 still look a human so nothing happens, 1 dont see him anywhere, and 1 run back to the house cause I've realized I'm in a tank top and boxer shorts with no shoes and its tick season. So I change into a big ass sweatshirt and sweat pants and boots even though its almost oo degrees out because I do not want to have to deal with ticks After chugging some water 1 take back off, this time going horizontally 1 caught sight of something running so l took off, yelling ny brains out managing to sprain my ankle and rip half my hair outta my ponytail in the process Around a mile downl lose sight of it so l turn and hike the mile back to the street just to make sure it didn't go that way After that I go back to my house, and then return to the spot where i last saw him and continue walking till Imlike 2 miles away So my trip so far has been mile to street> mile home > i mile hotizontally>t mile to street >2 miles home> 2 ½ miles horizontally So I'm about ready to die. I'm covering in blood from smashing y arm one of my eyes has turned red cause a stick poked it, I've got a limp, I'm breathing like a dragon with asthma, and I'm covering in leaves and sticks I start yelling his name again and hear a bark in the distance so 1 take off and after like 5 minutes I spot him He is now howling like a banshee in distress I book it towards his dumb ass and practically tackle him, which ended up with me covered in a random assortment of shit. Cool, whatever. His leash is tied atound two trees so I unravel it and he pounces on me in relief. He's salivating like crazy so I take him to a stream near by to let him drink Mother fucker pulls me in. I'm too tired to be pissed. At this point now that I'm calming down I realize my boots are now soaking wet with both blood and water. I've got several scars on my thigh and they all got ripped open So Im gushing blood like no tomorrow.I soak my jacket in water and put it on this stupid dog so he wont get burnt on the way back and itll be a bit cooler. So now he looks even bigger then usual 1 take my shoes off and toss then over my neck and we're about to start the trek back when he takes off AGAIN. This time I'm holding the leash and 1 do not let go. He ends up slipping on a mud bank and taking me with him With are now covered head to toe in nad, shit, dirt, blood and whatever the hell else is in those woods. Some how he has ended up with no major wounds, but now I have a rock lodged in my forehead and blood in my eyes. And my shoes are gone. Whatever, 1 just want to get home. 1 pick a direction and walk until 1 end up in the back yard of someone who lives down the street. Lucky for me, this person has barbed wire in their back yard on the ground for some reason, which I trip on Now I have barbed wire practically wrapped around me like some crazy fashion statement. I wanted to get home so bad 1 didn't even bother to rip it off. I'd do that So now its like 6am, so its dark, but you can still see, and its dead quiet. I pull my sisters dog along with me, holding his collar so he cant take off again. So heres me, covered in blood, mud, and barbed wire, limping down the street, no shoes on, with a large dog wearing a jacket, which, from a distance, you cant tell. Now I smell like whatever was in those woods, and it is a strong smell, so as I walk by any house with a dog outside, that dog starts barking. Eventually the quiet is replaced with dogs howling, barking, snarling at me. 1 eventually make it back to my house, but not before passing a dude getting his newspaper or whatever He's a good distance away from me and he hesitantly calls out asking if Im okay. I respond with "yeah but I've been yelling for like 3 hours t as ungodly rasp. He goes right the fuck back in l get home, get cleaned up, get the dog cleaned up, and everythings fine UNTIL a couple nights later my mom goes to a neighborhood meeting story Turns out, there had been a black bear in the woods near my house, which people had been keeping an eye out for, but instead they saw (what they thought) was a "humanoid figure covered in spikes dragging a bear covered in blood around by its neck For the next few weeks people were talking about how they heard the "hortiie screeching" and how there was blood all down the streets and on the trees. The dude who asked if I was okay was telling everybody that the "thing growled at him and he could see it had blood red eyes So now theres a rumor about a demon with razor sharp tendrils who feeds on wild animals by slashing them open and drinking their blood Rumor states that you'll hear it before you see it, and the sound it makes sounds like a howl and a scream People later found my boots covered in blood and said it was a "victim of the demon. A week later a house that was being built caught fire and that was blamed on me, as well as an accident where someone swerved to avoid something and crashed through a house. The stream turned blood red after some heavy rainfall. which was due to the mud, but also blamed on me and some mote for a couple nights (coyotes most people "spotting" the demon (which was either their imagination or the actual bear) the rumot grew and grew so now its famous in my neighborhood So yeah thats how 1 became a bear killing demon in my neighborhood. I was too embarrassed. How to become a cryptid
Animals, Ass, and Bad: Hey since I haven't been active in forever, who wants to hear a story
 about how 1 became a local cryptid in my town?
 Heck yeah!
 Yes
 Reply
 Alright lets do this
 So l live in a small neighborhood kinda thing, Its honestly shaped like
 someone connected two bongs with a straw that leads out to the street,
 so very tiny and not a lot of people drive through cause its a dead end
 and surrounded by woods Anyways, so it's Saturday morning, like 3 am
 and my sister has taken her behemoth of a dog outside
 Little background, this dog is a saint bermard, lab mix, so he big. Hes
 also amazingly stupid. He's only three and we got him a year ago so he
 still does stupid shit all the time. Anyways hes got a long lead line on
 him, probably 30 ft, so hes off doing whatever and ny sister is kinda
 dazed, still sleepy.
 Homeboy fucking TAKES OFF and runs into the woods behind y
 house, taking that lead with him and a good chunk of my sisters pal
 skin. Whatever he's chasing has speed, and hes keeping up with it. So l
 run outside cause shes screaming his name and start to take off after
 him. 1 thought that mother fucker would get caught on a tree due to the
 lead but nope was I wrong. Now the woods probably go a mile back
 before they hit road, and then stretch around s miles hotizontally
 I'm worried this dumb dog is gonna run into the street and get hit, so l
 run the mile to the street (with my very out of shape body. 1 honestly
 thought I was going to die). After like r5 minutes of tripping and trying
 to make my way through this damn jungle, I get to the street. At this
 point 1 still look a human so nothing happens, 1 dont see him anywhere,
 and 1 run back to the house cause I've realized I'm in a tank top and
 boxer shorts with no shoes and its tick season. So I change into a big ass
 sweatshirt and sweat pants and boots even though its almost oo degrees
 out because I do not want to have to deal with ticks
 After chugging some water 1 take back off, this time going horizontally
 1 caught sight of something running so l took off, yelling ny brains out
 managing to sprain my ankle and rip half my hair outta my ponytail in
 the process Around a mile downl lose sight of it so l turn and hike the
 mile back to the street just to make sure it didn't go that way
 After that I go back to my house, and then return to the spot where i
 last saw him and continue walking till Imlike 2 miles away
 So my trip so far has been
 mile to street> mile home > i mile hotizontally>t mile to street >2
 miles home> 2 ½ miles horizontally
 So I'm about ready to die. I'm covering in blood from smashing y arm
 one of my eyes has turned red cause a stick poked it, I've got a limp, I'm
 breathing like a dragon with asthma, and I'm covering in leaves and
 sticks
 I start yelling his name again and hear a bark in the distance so 1 take off
 and after like 5 minutes I spot him He is now howling like a banshee in
 distress I book it towards his dumb ass and practically tackle him,
 which ended up with me covered in a random assortment of shit. Cool,
 whatever. His leash is tied atound two trees so I unravel it and he
 pounces on me in relief. He's salivating like crazy so I take him to a
 stream near by to let him drink
 Mother fucker pulls me in. I'm too tired to be pissed. At this point now
 that I'm calming down I realize my boots are now soaking wet with
 both blood and water. I've got several scars on my thigh and they all got
 ripped open So Im gushing blood like no tomorrow.I soak my jacket in
 water and put it on this stupid dog so he wont get burnt on the way
 back and itll be a bit cooler. So now he looks even bigger then usual 1
 take my shoes off and toss then over my neck and we're about to start
 the trek back when he takes off AGAIN. This time I'm holding the leash
 and 1 do not let go. He ends up slipping on a mud bank and taking me
 with him With are now covered head to toe in nad, shit, dirt, blood
 and whatever the hell else is in those woods.
 Some how he has ended up with no major wounds, but now I have a
 rock lodged in my forehead and blood in my eyes. And my shoes are
 gone. Whatever, 1 just want to get home. 1 pick a direction and walk
 until 1 end up in the back yard of someone who lives down the street.
 Lucky for me, this person has barbed wire in their back yard on the
 ground for some reason, which I trip on Now I have barbed wire
 practically wrapped around me like some crazy fashion statement. I
 wanted to get home so bad 1 didn't even bother to rip it off. I'd do that
 So now its like 6am, so its dark, but you can still see, and its dead quiet.
 I pull my sisters dog along with me, holding his collar so he cant take
 off again. So heres me, covered in blood, mud, and barbed wire, limping
 down the street, no shoes on, with a large dog wearing a jacket, which,
 from a distance, you cant tell. Now I smell like whatever was in those
 woods, and it is a strong smell, so as I walk by any house with a dog
 outside, that dog starts barking. Eventually the quiet is replaced with
 dogs howling, barking, snarling at me. 1 eventually make it back to my
 house, but not before passing a dude getting his newspaper or whatever
 He's a good distance away from me and he hesitantly calls out asking if
 Im okay. I respond with "yeah but I've been yelling for like 3 hours
 t as ungodly rasp. He goes right the fuck back in
 l get home, get cleaned up, get the dog cleaned up, and everythings fine
 UNTIL a couple nights later my mom goes to a neighborhood meeting
 story
 Turns out, there had been a black bear in the woods near my house,
 which people had been keeping an eye out for, but instead they saw
 (what they thought) was a "humanoid figure covered in spikes dragging
 a bear covered in blood around by its neck
 For the next few weeks people were talking about how they heard
 the "hortiie screeching" and how there was blood all down the streets
 and on the trees. The dude who asked if I was okay was telling
 everybody that the "thing growled at him and he could see it had blood
 red eyes
 So now theres a rumor about a demon with razor sharp tendrils who
 feeds on wild animals by slashing them open and drinking their blood
 Rumor states that you'll hear it before you see it, and the sound it makes
 sounds like a howl and a scream People later found my boots covered in
 blood and said it was a "victim of the demon. A week later a house that
 was being built caught fire and that was blamed on me, as well as an
 accident where someone swerved to avoid something and crashed
 through a house. The stream turned blood red after some heavy rainfall.
 which was due to the mud, but also blamed on me and some mote
 for a couple nights (coyotes most
 people "spotting" the demon (which was either their imagination or the
 actual bear) the rumot grew and grew so now its famous in my
 neighborhood
 So yeah thats how 1 became a bear killing demon in my neighborhood.
 I was too embarrassed.
How to become a cryptid

How to become a cryptid

Alive, America, and Anaconda: Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump Follow In 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room Today, we CUT THE RED TAPE! It is time to SET FREE OUR DREAMS and MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! WH Gov TODAY 0:12 2.55M views 3:35 PM-14 Dec 2017 Joy Reid Ф @JoyAnnReid Following Every one of those pages protects your food from being filled with rat droppings, spoiled meat out of your deli, lead out of your paint, your child's medicine from being defective & corporations from polluting the air you breathe or dumping medical waste in the water you wade in Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump In 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room... 0:38 6:36 PM -14 Dec 2017 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h company becaus profitable to cut corners. And if no one's looking, people cut corners. Deregulation is not so good if you value clean air, water and safe food, medicine and workplaces. Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h Deregulation is designed to do only one thing: make corporations more profitable, by reducing the cost of doing business. Making products cleaner and safer costs money. Making workplaces safe and clean costs money. Keeping the air clean means less drilling, so less money. Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h Donald Trump is a president straight out of the 1920s. Cal Coolidge has nothing on him. 164 880 4.2 feynites: bogleech: themightyglamazon: jumpingjacktrash: oh my god. let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember where my mom was driving me, in our avocado green chevette, i just know there was a traffic jam that turned 35w northbound into a parking lot from horizon to horizon. picture it – wait, you don’t have to use your imagination, this happened all the damn time back then. every one of those damn cars was burning leaded gasoline. there were no emissions regulations. there were no safety regulations. there were just thousands and thousands of detroit steel shoeboxes belching visible smoke as they idled, engines loud and hot, here and there a radiator giving up in the heat, a cloud of burning oil rising. i, a smeet of five or six, was choking on toxic smog. i reckon it was about a half hour into the traffic jam that i first threw up. i remember a blinding headache, i remember being confused, i remember dry heaving with my arms and head hanging out the window, the green metal of the car burning my hands and my chin. i don’t remember passing out, but i’m told i lost consciousness before mom was able to get to an off-ramp, because there were no emergency lanes on the highways back then. i lived. and life went on. what were we going to do, complain? if i’d died, the cause of death probably would’ve been recorded as heatstroke, not carbon monoxide poisoning. i know i’m probably preaching to the choir here on tumblr. but i really wish i could tell that story to the people who think deregulation is no big deal. i wish they’d put themselves in my mom’s shoes. or even just look at some old pictures, then look out the window. ever notice how cityscapes used to have that orange tint and hazy aura? yeah, that’s poison gas. remember how the mississippi river used to be a stinking soup of baby-shit yellow sludge covered with disturbingly stiff rafts of light orange foam? i can’t even find pictures of the sludge and foam, i guess they didn’t end up on the internet. the smell was indescribable. that oily shimmer. the reek of dead things. people didn’t boat on the river for pleasure; it smelled too bad, it was too ugly, and you could get super super sick if you touched the water. and now look at it. i still wouldn’t want to drink it, but if i fell in i wouldn’t bolt for the shower in a panic, you know? if the thieving billionaires get their way, we can kiss those sailboats goodbye, and learn the smell of toxic foam once more. the ultra-rich won’t even feel the extra money, they’ve already got more than they could ever touch, they just stash it in offshore accounts to rot, but the rest of us will return to a time of neverending nausea and weird cancers. a time when every elementary school class had at least one kind who’d been born with no fingers or their heart outside their body, and this was just… the way things were. i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to longpost. it’s just. god. y’all have no idea how CLEAN everything is now, compared to when i was a kid. and these rich old men are counting on that, on people not knowing or not remembering how bad it was before regulation, not realizing how much we need these protections until it’s too late. I enforce federal worker health and safety and pollution regulations.  When I was learning my trade, when my classmates and I were having a chuckle over the “well duh” level of specificity written into the Code of Federal Regulations (try “no hazardous material shall be stored in crew berthing” on for size), I will never forget the silence that followed when our instructor spoke these words: “Your regulations are written in blood.” These regulations were not written on a whim. They were written because someone thought they could cut costs by storing however many more pounds of a radioactive, toxic, carcinogenic, or whatever else material in the same rooms where the human beings they paid to transport those materials slept, and then did that, because no one was telling them not to.  They were written because people died. Horrifically. Because unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering.  Can I say it again, for those not paying attention?  Unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering. Do we also need to fucking talk about the Radium Girls again who slowly fucking rotted alive because the company they worked for deliberately hid knowledge of radium’s effects on living matter? I’m gonna talk about it. It’s depressing and dark as hell, but if anyone ever thinks to themselves that companies will just regulate out of a sense of civic duty or basic human morality, and don’t need outside enforcement, then they need to keep this story in mind. United States Radium Corporation that knew radium was lethal, and hired factory girls to work at painting watches with glow-in-the-dark radium faces. To emphasize - they knew radium was lethal and dangerous. Scientists who worked with it wore safety equipment and knew better than to touch it with bare skin. The factory girls, on the other hand, were instructed by their employers to keep the tips of their paint brushes pointed by sucking them between their lips. An act that guaranteed that they were ingesting small amounts of radium daily. They were told that radium was safe, and in small doses even good for you - United States Radium Corporation had paid for ‘studies’ and promoted other products which used small amounts of radium, and had branded at as, basically, a medicinal curative that just need to be doled out in appropriate dosages. This was bullshit, and not even bullshit which the company higher ups could reasonably be expected to actually believe on all levels, with the information that they had readily at hand. What they knew was that a small amount of radium wouldn’t kill you right away, and that there was a two year statute of limitations on workers compensation claims. When the girls began dying and the finger was pointed at radium, the president of the United States Radium Corporation had an independent researcher investigate the claim. The research established that the link between the girls’ deaths and radium was clear. The company, not liking that result, covered up the independent research and hired other people to simply state that this was not the case. Of course, by this point there were dying factory workers who were literally glowing in the goddamn dark, whose bones had become so infused with radium that they were visibly radioactive in their autopsies (when said bones weren’t just falling out of them while they were alive, anyway), so of course the company was forced to admit - oh wait, no, they started stealing dead women’s bones from morgues so that they could dispute their causes of death. Like. Let’s be clear. United States Radium Corporation didn’t just fail to keep their workers sufficiently informed, they didn’t just not investigate things well enough, which would have been bad enough on its own. They told their employees to ingest a deadly substance, and when those DYING WOMEN got together with their last breaths to try and make the world aware of what was going on, purely to try and keep it from killing all the other girls who might get jobs in factories (because they were all doomed to painful cancerous death themselves), they paid for hush-ups and cover-ups and fake studies, and stooped to full-on grave robbing to keep people from finding out that they were killing women in droves. There were factory workers giving testimonies as they physically fell apart on their death beds. The company’s response was not to even revise workers’ regulations to be more safe. It was entirely, 100%, to lie about it, so they could keep making money and keep killing their workers. And do you want to know what happened to that company? To the United States Radium Corporation? It eventually became The Safety Light Corporation, and was decommissioned in 2005. The radium girls were dying in the late 1920′s. The company that killed them didn’t even go under with them, didn’t even die when their efforts to raise awareness actually resulted in better and more stringent regulations. So the prospect that better regulations will hurt a corporation are laughable. Even the corporations that deserve to be destroyed by them still manage to do alright when they’re forced to make less money and kill fewer people. Boo hoo, how sad for them. But inadequate regulations will kill actual human people. Full stop. Some companies will still adhere to ethics, sure, some will have people in charge or on various levels who care and can intervene. But not all of them. And the United States Radium Corporation was just ONE company. One company, that had no regulations to hold it accountable, that decided it didn’t care - and so many women died horrible, horrible deaths for it. Do not ever let anyone kid you about the ramifications of deregulation. And do not forget that people who died, with their dying breath, fought to establish regulations to keep you safe. Anyone who takes them away is spitting on their graves.
Alive, America, and Anaconda: Donald J. Trump
 @realDonaldTrump
 Follow
 In 1960, there were approximately 20,000
 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations.
 Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen
 in the Roosevelt Room
 Today, we CUT THE RED TAPE! It is time to
 SET FREE OUR DREAMS and MAKE
 AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

 WH
 Gov
 TODAY
 0:12 2.55M views
 3:35 PM-14 Dec 2017

 Joy Reid Ф
 @JoyAnnReid
 Following
 Every one of those pages protects your
 food from being filled with rat droppings,
 spoiled meat out of your deli, lead out of
 your paint, your child's medicine from
 being defective & corporations from
 polluting the air you breathe or dumping
 medical waste in the water you wade in
 Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump
 In 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the
 Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over
 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room...
 0:38
 6:36 PM -14 Dec 2017

 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h
 company becaus
 profitable to cut corners. And if no one's looking, people cut corners.
 Deregulation is not so good if you value clean air, water and safe food, medicine
 and workplaces.
 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h
 Deregulation is designed to do only one thing: make corporations more
 profitable, by reducing the cost of doing business. Making products cleaner and
 safer costs money. Making workplaces safe and clean costs money. Keeping
 the air clean means less drilling, so less money.
 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h
 Donald Trump is a president straight out of the 1920s. Cal Coolidge has nothing
 on him.
 164
 880
 4.2
feynites:
bogleech:

themightyglamazon:

jumpingjacktrash:

oh my god.
let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember where my mom was driving me, in our avocado green chevette, i just know there was a traffic jam that turned 35w northbound into a parking lot from horizon to horizon.
picture it – wait, you don’t have to use your imagination, this happened all the damn time back then.
every one of those damn cars was burning leaded gasoline. there were no emissions regulations. there were no safety regulations. there were just thousands and thousands of detroit steel shoeboxes belching visible smoke as they idled, engines loud and hot, here and there a radiator giving up in the heat, a cloud of burning oil rising.
i, a smeet of five or six, was choking on toxic smog.
i reckon it was about a half hour into the traffic jam that i first threw up. i remember a blinding headache, i remember being confused, i remember dry heaving with my arms and head hanging out the window, the green metal of the car burning my hands and my chin. i don’t remember passing out, but i’m told i lost consciousness before mom was able to get to an off-ramp, because there were no emergency lanes on the highways back then.
i lived. and life went on. what were we going to do, complain? if i’d died, the cause of death probably would’ve been recorded as heatstroke, not carbon monoxide poisoning.
i know i’m probably preaching to the choir here on tumblr. but i really wish i could tell that story to the people who think deregulation is no big deal. i wish they’d put themselves in my mom’s shoes.
or even just look at some old pictures, then look out the window.
ever notice how cityscapes used to have that orange tint and hazy aura? yeah, that’s poison gas. 
remember how the mississippi river used to be a stinking soup of baby-shit yellow sludge covered with disturbingly stiff rafts of light orange foam?
i can’t even find pictures of the sludge and foam, i guess they didn’t end up on the internet. the smell was indescribable. that oily shimmer. the reek of dead things. people didn’t boat on the river for pleasure; it smelled too bad, it was too ugly, and you could get super super sick if you touched the water.
and now look at it.
i still wouldn’t want to drink it, but if i fell in i wouldn’t bolt for the shower in a panic, you know?
if the thieving billionaires get their way, we can kiss those sailboats goodbye, and learn the smell of toxic foam once more. the ultra-rich won’t even feel the extra money, they’ve already got more than they could ever touch, they just stash it in offshore accounts to rot, but the rest of us will return to a time of neverending nausea and weird cancers. a time when every elementary school class had at least one kind who’d been born with no fingers or their heart outside their body, and this was just… the way things were.
i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to longpost. it’s just. god. y’all have no idea how CLEAN everything is now, compared to when i was a kid. and these rich old men are counting on that, on people not knowing or not remembering how bad it was before regulation, not realizing how much we need these protections until it’s too late.

I enforce federal worker health and safety and pollution regulations. 
When I was learning my trade, when my classmates and I were having a chuckle over the “well duh” level of specificity written into the Code of Federal Regulations (try “no hazardous material shall be stored in crew berthing” on for size), I will never forget the silence that followed when our instructor spoke these words:
“Your regulations are written in blood.”
These regulations were not written on a whim. 

They were written because someone thought they could cut costs by storing however many more pounds of a radioactive, toxic, carcinogenic, or whatever else material in the same rooms where the human beings they paid to transport those materials slept, and then did that, because no one was telling them not to. 
They were written because people died. Horrifically. Because unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering. 
Can I say it again, for those not paying attention? 
Unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering.

Do we also need to fucking talk about the Radium Girls again who slowly fucking rotted alive because the company they worked for deliberately hid knowledge of radium’s effects on living matter?

I’m gonna talk about it. It’s depressing and dark as hell, but if anyone ever thinks to themselves that companies will just regulate out of a sense of civic duty or basic human morality, and don’t need outside enforcement, then they need to keep this story in mind.


United States Radium Corporation

 that knew radium was lethal, and hired factory girls to work at painting watches with glow-in-the-dark radium faces. To emphasize - they knew radium was lethal and dangerous. Scientists who worked with it wore safety equipment and knew better than to touch it with bare skin. The factory girls, on the other hand, were instructed by their employers to keep the tips of their paint brushes pointed by sucking them between their lips. An act that guaranteed that they were ingesting small amounts of radium daily. They were told that radium was safe, and in small doses even good for you - 

United States Radium Corporation

 had paid for ‘studies’ and promoted other products which used small amounts of radium, and had branded at as, basically, a medicinal curative that just need to be doled out in appropriate dosages.
This was bullshit, and not even bullshit which the company higher ups could reasonably be expected to actually believe on all levels, with the information that they had readily at hand. What they knew was that a small amount of radium wouldn’t kill you right away, and that there was a two year statute of limitations on workers compensation claims. When the girls began dying and the finger was pointed at radium, the president of the United States Radium Corporation

 had an independent researcher investigate the claim. The research established that the link between the girls’ deaths and radium was clear. The company, not liking that result, covered up the independent research and hired other people to simply state that this was not the case.
Of course, by this point there were dying factory workers who were literally glowing in the goddamn dark, whose bones had become so infused with radium that they were visibly radioactive in their autopsies (when said bones weren’t just falling out of them while they were alive, anyway), so of course the company was forced to admit - oh wait, no, they started stealing dead women’s bones from morgues so that they could dispute their causes of death.
Like. Let’s be clear. 

United States Radium Corporation

 didn’t just fail to keep their workers sufficiently informed, they didn’t just not investigate things well enough, which would have been bad enough on its own. They told their employees to ingest a deadly substance, and when those DYING WOMEN got together with their last breaths to try and make the world aware of what was going on, purely to try and keep it from killing all the other girls who might get jobs in factories (because they were all doomed to painful cancerous death themselves), they paid for hush-ups and cover-ups and fake studies, and stooped to full-on grave robbing to keep people from finding out that they were killing women in droves.
There were factory workers giving testimonies as they physically fell apart on their death beds. The company’s response was not to even revise workers’ regulations to be more safe. It was entirely, 100%, to lie about it, so they could keep making money and keep killing their workers.
And do you want to know what happened to that company? To the United States Radium Corporation?
It eventually became The Safety Light Corporation, and was decommissioned in 2005. The radium girls were dying in the late 1920′s. The company that killed them didn’t even go under with them, didn’t even die when their efforts to raise awareness actually resulted in better and more stringent regulations. So the prospect that better regulations will hurt a corporation are laughable. Even the corporations that deserve to be destroyed by them still manage to do alright when they’re forced to make less money and kill fewer people. Boo hoo, how sad for them.
But inadequate regulations will kill actual human people. Full stop. Some companies will still adhere to ethics, sure, some will have people in charge or on various levels who care and can intervene. But not all of them. And the United States Radium Corporation was just ONE company. One company, that had no regulations to hold it accountable, that decided it didn’t care - and so many women died horrible, horrible deaths for it.
Do not ever let anyone kid you about the ramifications of deregulation. And do not forget that people who died, with their dying breath, fought to establish regulations to keep you safe. Anyone who takes them away is spitting on their graves.

feynites: bogleech: themightyglamazon: jumpingjacktrash: oh my god. let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabou...

America, Asian, and Confused: gardentechgodgnostic: katjohnadams: localgays: updatepls: supermegafoxyawesomehotnot: cosima-wants-the-d-elphine: story time. the look in your eyes is what gets me. “so i return to my body.. from the other plane of existence.. in which i scream” DEAD “Story time. I have this one white friend. And - [mocking] I have this one white friend, I’m not racist. And like - where was I even going with this? [laughs] She’s not even my friend, she’s just someone I know. Okay, whatever, ‘kay, so this one white person that I know - [under breath] (I know a lot, my entire town is white.) Anyway, um, one day, she comes up to me, and she’s like, “Jenny, what are you?” and, you know, that’s like white person talk for like, [sarcastic mocking] “what FUCKING country do you come from? Like obviously you’re not from here.”  And I’m like, “um, I’m Chinese.” And she’s like “What? You’re Chinese?” And I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s so much of a surprise.” And she’s like “Well, I thought you said you were Asian.” And - [deep breath] [pause] there was a moment, a good minute and a half, where I left my body and ascended onto another plane, and I screamed into the abyss of that plane [pause] because she did not know that Asian and Chinese are… I, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t even… you know, whatever. So, return to my body, from the [pause] other plane of existence in which I scream. A lot. And I tell her: “You know, China, China, you see, the country that I’m from, is a part of Asia.” And she’s like, “Where’s Asia?” [whispers] She asked me. Where Asia is. And I say, “Well, Asia consists of, you know..” and I list the different Asian countries and she’s like “Whaat?” And I’m like [sarcastically] it’s, it’s this thing, you know, that you learn about in like third grade geography. It’s a continent! And she’s like “A continent?” And I’m like “Yes.” And she goes, “so it’s not a country?” I’m like, “No.” And she’s like “What’s the difference?” And I’m like [deep breath] “America, you see, has like North, Central, South, so like, take somewhere from Canada; they are North American but they’re also Canadian…” And she’s like “I don’t understand.” And I’m like “It’s okay, just know that I am both Asian AND Chinese” and you know what, she is still confused to this day, and I [pause] am still on the other plane of existence, screaming, as I tell this story to you. So you can come join me, on the separate plane of existence.” I WILL ALWAYS REBLOG THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT IS TOO REAL, TOO TRUE. I’m actually crying
America, Asian, and Confused: gardentechgodgnostic:
katjohnadams:

localgays:

updatepls:

supermegafoxyawesomehotnot:

cosima-wants-the-d-elphine:

story time.

the look in your eyes is what gets me. 

“so i return to my body.. from the other plane of existence.. in which i scream” 
DEAD


“Story time.
I have this one white friend. 
And - [mocking] I have this one white friend, I’m not racist. And like - where was I even going with this? [laughs] She’s not even my friend, she’s just someone I know. Okay, whatever, ‘kay, so this one white person that I know - [under breath] (I know a lot, my entire town is white.) Anyway, um, one day, she comes up to me, and she’s like, 
“Jenny, what are you?” and, you know, that’s like white person talk for like, [sarcastic mocking] “what FUCKING country do you come from? Like obviously you’re not from here.”  And I’m like, “um, I’m Chinese.” 
And she’s like “What? You’re Chinese?” 
And I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s so much of a surprise.” 
And she’s like “Well, I thought you said you were Asian.” 
And - [deep breath] [pause] there was a moment, a good minute and a half, where I left my body and ascended onto another plane, and I screamed into the abyss of that plane [pause] because she did not know that Asian and Chinese are… I, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t even… you know, whatever. 
So, return to my body, from the [pause] other plane of existence in which I scream. A lot. And I tell her: “You know, China, China, you see, the country that I’m from, is a part of Asia.”
And she’s like, “Where’s Asia?”
[whispers] She asked me. Where Asia is. 
And I say, “Well, Asia consists of, you know..” and I list the different Asian countries and she’s like “Whaat?” 
And I’m like [sarcastically] it’s, it’s this thing, you know, that you learn about in like third grade geography. It’s a continent! And she’s like “A continent?” 
And I’m like “Yes.” 
And she goes, “so it’s not a country?” 
I’m like, “No.” 
And she’s like “What’s the difference?” 
And I’m like [deep breath] “America, you see, has like North, Central, South, so like, take somewhere from Canada; they are North American but they’re also Canadian…” 
And she’s like “I don’t understand.” 
And I’m like “It’s okay, just know that I am both Asian AND Chinese” and you know what, she is still confused to this day, and I [pause] am still on the other plane of existence, screaming, as I tell this story to you. So you can come join me, on the separate plane of existence.”


I WILL ALWAYS REBLOG THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT IS TOO REAL, TOO TRUE.


I’m actually crying

gardentechgodgnostic: katjohnadams: localgays: updatepls: supermegafoxyawesomehotnot: cosima-wants-the-d-elphine: story time. the look...

America, Bad, and Cars: Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump Follow In 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room Today, we CUT THE RED TAPE! It is time to SET FREE OUR DREAMS and MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! WH Gov TODAY 0:12 2.55M views 3:35 PM-14 Dec 2017 Joy Reid Ф @JoyAnnReid Following Every one of those pages protects your food from being filled with rat droppings, spoiled meat out of your deli, lead out of your paint, your child's medicine from being defective & corporations from polluting the air you breathe or dumping medical waste in the water you wade in Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump In 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room... 0:38 6:36 PM -14 Dec 2017 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h company becaus profitable to cut corners. And if no one's looking, people cut corners. Deregulation is not so good if you value clean air, water and safe food, medicine and workplaces. Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h Deregulation is designed to do only one thing: make corporations more profitable, by reducing the cost of doing business. Making products cleaner and safer costs money. Making workplaces safe and clean costs money. Keeping the air clean means less drilling, so less money. Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h Donald Trump is a president straight out of the 1920s. Cal Coolidge has nothing on him. 164 880 4.2 jumpingjacktrash: oh my god. let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember where my mom was driving me, in our avocado green chevette, i just know there was a traffic jam that turned 35w northbound into a parking lot from horizon to horizon. picture it – wait, you don’t have to use your imagination, this happened all the damn time back then. every one of those damn cars was burning leaded gasoline. there were no emissions regulations. there were no safety regulations. there were just thousands and thousands of detroit steel shoeboxes belching visible smoke as they idled, engines loud and hot, here and there a radiator giving up in the heat, a cloud of burning oil rising. i, a smeet of five or six, was choking on toxic smog. i reckon it was about a half hour into the traffic jam that i first threw up. i remember a blinding headache, i remember being confused, i remember dry heaving with my arms and head hanging out the window, the green metal of the car burning my hands and my chin. i don’t remember passing out, but i’m told i lost consciousness before mom was able to get to an off-ramp, because there were no emergency lanes on the highways back then. i lived. and life went on. what were we going to do, complain? if i’d died, the cause of death probably would’ve been recorded as heatstroke, not carbon monoxide poisoning. i know i’m probably preaching to the choir here on tumblr. but i really wish i could tell that story to the people who think deregulation is no big deal. i wish they’d put themselves in my mom’s shoes. or even just look at some old pictures, then look out the window. ever notice how cityscapes used to have that orange tint and hazy aura? yeah, that’s poison gas. remember how the mississippi river used to be a stinking soup of baby-shit yellow sludge covered with disturbingly stiff rafts of light orange foam? i can’t even find pictures of the sludge and foam, i guess they didn’t end up on the internet. the smell was indescribable. that oily shimmer. the reek of dead things. people didn’t boat on the river for pleasure; it smelled too bad, it was too ugly, and you could get super super sick if you touched the water. and now look at it. i still wouldn’t want to drink it, but if i fell in i wouldn’t bolt for the shower in a panic, you know? if the thieving billionaires get their way, we can kiss those sailboats goodbye, and learn the smell of toxic foam once more. the ultra-rich won’t even feel the extra money, they’ve already got more than they could ever touch, they just stash it in offshore accounts to rot, but the rest of us will return to a time of neverending nausea and weird cancers. a time when every elementary school class had at least one kid who’d been born with no fingers or their heart outside their body, and this was just… the way things were. i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to longpost. it’s just. god. y’all have no idea how CLEAN everything is now, compared to when i was a kid. and these rich old men are counting on that, on people not knowing or not remembering how bad it was before regulation, not realizing how much we need these protections until it’s too late. edit: replaced the last pic because i accidentally grabbed lake calhoun instead of the river. now it’s the mississippi.
America, Bad, and Cars: Donald J. Trump
 @realDonaldTrump
 Follow
 In 1960, there were approximately 20,000
 pages in the Code of Federal Regulations.
 Today there are over 185,000 pages, as seen
 in the Roosevelt Room
 Today, we CUT THE RED TAPE! It is time to
 SET FREE OUR DREAMS and MAKE
 AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

 WH
 Gov
 TODAY
 0:12 2.55M views
 3:35 PM-14 Dec 2017

 Joy Reid Ф
 @JoyAnnReid
 Following
 Every one of those pages protects your
 food from being filled with rat droppings,
 spoiled meat out of your deli, lead out of
 your paint, your child's medicine from
 being defective & corporations from
 polluting the air you breathe or dumping
 medical waste in the water you wade in
 Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrump
 In 1960, there were approximately 20,000 pages in the
 Code of Federal Regulations. Today there are over
 185,000 pages, as seen in the Roosevelt Room...
 0:38
 6:36 PM -14 Dec 2017

 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h
 company becaus
 profitable to cut corners. And if no one's looking, people cut corners.
 Deregulation is not so good if you value clean air, water and safe food, medicine
 and workplaces.
 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h
 Deregulation is designed to do only one thing: make corporations more
 profitable, by reducing the cost of doing business. Making products cleaner and
 safer costs money. Making workplaces safe and clean costs money. Keeping
 the air clean means less drilling, so less money.
 Joy Reid@JoyAnnReid .22h
 Donald Trump is a president straight out of the 1920s. Cal Coolidge has nothing
 on him.
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 880
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jumpingjacktrash:

oh my god.
let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember where my mom was driving me, in our avocado green chevette, i just know there was a traffic jam that turned 35w northbound into a parking lot from horizon to horizon.
picture it – wait, you don’t have to use your imagination, this happened all the damn time back then.
every one of those damn cars was burning leaded gasoline. there were no emissions regulations. there were no safety regulations. there were just thousands and thousands of detroit steel shoeboxes belching visible smoke as they idled, engines loud and hot, here and there a radiator giving up in the heat, a cloud of burning oil rising.
i, a smeet of five or six, was choking on toxic smog.
i reckon it was about a half hour into the traffic jam that i first threw up. i remember a blinding headache, i remember being confused, i remember dry heaving with my arms and head hanging out the window, the green metal of the car burning my hands and my chin. i don’t remember passing out, but i’m told i lost consciousness before mom was able to get to an off-ramp, because there were no emergency lanes on the highways back then.
i lived. and life went on. what were we going to do, complain? if i’d died, the cause of death probably would’ve been recorded as heatstroke, not carbon monoxide poisoning.
i know i’m probably preaching to the choir here on tumblr. but i really wish i could tell that story to the people who think deregulation is no big deal. i wish they’d put themselves in my mom’s shoes.
or even just look at some old pictures, then look out the window.
ever notice how cityscapes used to have that orange tint and hazy aura? yeah, that’s poison gas. 
remember how the mississippi river used to be a stinking soup of baby-shit yellow sludge covered with disturbingly stiff rafts of light orange foam?
i can’t even find pictures of the sludge and foam, i guess they didn’t end up on the internet. the smell was indescribable. that oily shimmer. the reek of dead things. people didn’t boat on the river for pleasure; it smelled too bad, it was too ugly, and you could get super super sick if you touched the water.
and now look at it.
i still wouldn’t want to drink it, but if i fell in i wouldn’t bolt for the shower in a panic, you know?
if the thieving billionaires get their way, we can kiss those sailboats goodbye, and learn the smell of toxic foam once more. the ultra-rich won’t even feel the extra money, they’ve already got more than they could ever touch, they just stash it in offshore accounts to rot, but the rest of us will return to a time of neverending nausea and weird cancers. a time when every elementary school class had at least one kid who’d been born with no fingers or their heart outside their body, and this was just… the way things were.
i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to longpost. it’s just. god. y’all have no idea how CLEAN everything is now, compared to when i was a kid. and these rich old men are counting on that, on people not knowing or not remembering how bad it was before regulation, not realizing how much we need these protections until it’s too late.
edit: replaced the last pic because i accidentally grabbed lake calhoun instead of the river. now it’s the mississippi.

jumpingjacktrash: oh my god. let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember wh...