Ocean


                    
                    
                

                

                

            

        
    







            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    

                        


	

	
    
        

            

                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        The
        

            
            The
        

    

    

         
The

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        Atlante
        

            
            Atlante
        

    

    

         
Atlante

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         im scared
        

            
             im scared
        

    

    

         
 im scared

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         others
        

            
             others
        

    

    

         
 others

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         no
        

            
             no
        

    

    

         
 no

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        jarred
        

            
            jarred
        

    

    

         
jarred

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        sharking
        

            
            sharking
        

    

    

         
sharking

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        ifs
        

            
            ifs
        

    

    

         
ifs

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        actual
        

            
            actual
        

    

    

         
actual

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        containment
        

            
            containment
        

    

    

         
containment

    



                
            

        

    
    

        🔥 | Latest
    

    
    

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: dontforgettospeak:

wickedwonderlandd:

trinikelly1984:

morgrimmoon:

letsmcflytobritain:

deminat-20:

smiling-grouch:


ocean-again:

loueejii:

facelesssavior:

twitblr:

Dormant Predators



This is why I have this. Even if they can get the lock opened they can’t push the door open. Got it at Lowes for $20. 

reblog for that last bit to save a life


If you’re like me and have a large gap under your front door (someone could take a stick and just poke the leaning stick style door jam out), I recommend the Addalock. It’s small, perfect for traveling, and this lock is CRAZY. It’s so simple but the door does not move. 
You can’t see it from the other side, either. It also cost about $20, and I can’t recommend it enough. Easy to travel with, too! Great for Air BnBs!




That’s why I have these on my doors. They get drilled into the side and once its flipped over the door nothing is getting it open. Not the door being unlocked nothing, I’ve unlocked the door and pulled and pushed as hard as I could and it didn’t budge. When I go on a trip this is what I use and when I’m home I leave it on too. No one is getting in here.

Okay I know that it is necessary for many but what do you do if you need medical attention and you’re not able to open the door from the inside? Can the fire department get through these at least?  

Yes. The fire department can and will break down your door if necessary, it’s one of the reasons they have axes; it’s entirely possible for door frames to melt/expand/seize or otherwise become unopenable during a house fire but the door itself can be hacked down. Or the window. In rare cases, the wall. Firefighters don’t fuck around with collateral damage when lives are at stake.



Sharing for all the safety items!! 



This is horrifying that these things are even necessary. Reblog to save a frickin life

I’ve got the addalock one from above (plus a bar for my sliding door and additional window locks) and it gives me serious piece of mind.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: dontforgettospeak:

wickedwonderlandd:

trinikelly1984:

morgrimmoon:

letsmcflytobritain:

deminat-20:

smiling-grouch:


ocean-again:

loueejii:

facelesssavior:

twitblr:

Dormant Predators



This is why I have this. Even if they can get the lock opened they can’t push the door open. Got it at Lowes for $20. 

reblog for that last bit to save a life


If you’re like me and have a large gap under your front door (someone could take a stick and just poke the leaning stick style door jam out), I recommend the Addalock. It’s small, perfect for traveling, and this lock is CRAZY. It’s so simple but the door does not move. 
You can’t see it from the other side, either. It also cost about $20, and I can’t recommend it enough. Easy to travel with, too! Great for Air BnBs!




That’s why I have these on my doors. They get drilled into the side and once its flipped over the door nothing is getting it open. Not the door being unlocked nothing, I’ve unlocked the door and pulled and pushed as hard as I could and it didn’t budge. When I go on a trip this is what I use and when I’m home I leave it on too. No one is getting in here.

Okay I know that it is necessary for many but what do you do if you need medical attention and you’re not able to open the door from the inside? Can the fire department get through these at least?  

Yes. The fire department can and will break down your door if necessary, it’s one of the reasons they have axes; it’s entirely possible for door frames to melt/expand/seize or otherwise become unopenable during a house fire but the door itself can be hacked down. Or the window. In rare cases, the wall. Firefighters don’t fuck around with collateral damage when lives are at stake.



Sharing for all the safety items!! 



This is horrifying that these things are even necessary. Reblog to save a frickin life

I’ve got the addalock one from above (plus a bar for my sliding door and additional window locks) and it gives me serious piece of mind.

                
            

            
            
dontforgettospeak:

wickedwonderlandd:

trinikelly1984:

morgrimmoon:

letsmcflytobritain:

deminat-20:

smiling-grouch:


ocean-again:...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: soup has a better meaning than the ocean
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: soup has a better meaning than the ocean
                
            

            
            
soup has a better meaning than the ocean

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: phantomemes:
starters  /  prompts taken from f. d. soul’s work ,  between you and these bones .  feel free to change pronouns  /  tenses as necessary .
‘  the problem is you keep trying to use your eyes  ’
‘  how i soften when you pull me against you  ’
‘  you are teaching me to love  ’
‘  i will pretend that i have not already heard the question in your eyes  ’
‘  you perhaps will become my swan song  ’
‘  it is a very human thing to love  ’
‘  you are my good days  ’
‘  i have been loved dearly  ’
‘  i promise you will not always be this war  ’
‘  thank god for the stubbornness of organs  ’
‘  it takes me seven days to stop being in love with you  ’
‘  there will always be another day  ’
‘  there will always be another mercy  ’
‘  perhaps i will take up dancing again  ’
‘  what a pretty little disaster you will be  ’
‘  i am terrified for you  ’
‘  i will fold inside of myself  ’
‘  today i am thankful  ’
‘  i didn’t want to sleep because i didn’t want to wake  ’
‘  come and get me  ’
‘  i tell myself i do not need you  ’
‘  i think i broke again last night  ’
‘  i’m just trying to connect with you  ’
‘  you are an ocean that will perhaps never stop crashing  ’
‘  burn the house down in search of yourself  ’
‘  don’t you dare ever stop looking  ’
‘  i struggle not to feel guilty  ’
‘  you are a wild  ,  unkempt thing  ’
‘  sometimes it is a very sad thing to be human and longing  ’
‘  find that you are made of russian nesting dolls  ’
‘  the trees are always kindest with spring comes  ’
‘  teach yourself the hymns again  ’
‘  he is every amen i have ever laid down on lips  ’
‘  this life is an altar  ’
‘  i am sorry i do not have more time  ’
‘  there is a mountain in me  ’
‘  by the morning i am a triumph  ’
‘  there are words playing hooky in the back of your throat  ’
‘  today is by far the most beautiful creature i have ever come across  ’
‘  there are many things that will fit beneath your skin  ’
‘  forgiveness does not take up much room  ’
‘  some days you will breathe and it will be enough  ’
‘  you do not have to hold it quite so tightly  ’
‘  there is a prayer in me  ,  still  ’
‘  you scare me a little  ’
‘  you can be a good thing and not a whole thing  ’
‘  there are flowers in my chest again  ’
‘  the rain comes and sounds like you  ’
‘  i cannot tell you why i still trust god  ’
‘  find peace and build a home out of it  ’

‘  there is never an end  ’

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: phantomemes:
starters  /  prompts taken from f. d. soul’s work ,  between you and these bones .  feel free to change pronouns  /  tenses as necessary .
‘  the problem is you keep trying to use your eyes  ’
‘  how i soften when you pull me against you  ’
‘  you are teaching me to love  ’
‘  i will pretend that i have not already heard the question in your eyes  ’
‘  you perhaps will become my swan song  ’
‘  it is a very human thing to love  ’
‘  you are my good days  ’
‘  i have been loved dearly  ’
‘  i promise you will not always be this war  ’
‘  thank god for the stubbornness of organs  ’
‘  it takes me seven days to stop being in love with you  ’
‘  there will always be another day  ’
‘  there will always be another mercy  ’
‘  perhaps i will take up dancing again  ’
‘  what a pretty little disaster you will be  ’
‘  i am terrified for you  ’
‘  i will fold inside of myself  ’
‘  today i am thankful  ’
‘  i didn’t want to sleep because i didn’t want to wake  ’
‘  come and get me  ’
‘  i tell myself i do not need you  ’
‘  i think i broke again last night  ’
‘  i’m just trying to connect with you  ’
‘  you are an ocean that will perhaps never stop crashing  ’
‘  burn the house down in search of yourself  ’
‘  don’t you dare ever stop looking  ’
‘  i struggle not to feel guilty  ’
‘  you are a wild  ,  unkempt thing  ’
‘  sometimes it is a very sad thing to be human and longing  ’
‘  find that you are made of russian nesting dolls  ’
‘  the trees are always kindest with spring comes  ’
‘  teach yourself the hymns again  ’
‘  he is every amen i have ever laid down on lips  ’
‘  this life is an altar  ’
‘  i am sorry i do not have more time  ’
‘  there is a mountain in me  ’
‘  by the morning i am a triumph  ’
‘  there are words playing hooky in the back of your throat  ’
‘  today is by far the most beautiful creature i have ever come across  ’
‘  there are many things that will fit beneath your skin  ’
‘  forgiveness does not take up much room  ’
‘  some days you will breathe and it will be enough  ’
‘  you do not have to hold it quite so tightly  ’
‘  there is a prayer in me  ,  still  ’
‘  you scare me a little  ’
‘  you can be a good thing and not a whole thing  ’
‘  there are flowers in my chest again  ’
‘  the rain comes and sounds like you  ’
‘  i cannot tell you why i still trust god  ’
‘  find peace and build a home out of it  ’

‘  there is never an end  ’

                
            

            
            
phantomemes:
starters  /  prompts taken from f. d. soul’s work ,  between you and these bones .  feel free to change pronouns  /  tenses...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Sometimes all I wanna be is a deep ocean weirdo
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Sometimes all I wanna be is a deep ocean weirdo
                
            

            
            
Sometimes all I wanna be is a deep ocean weirdo

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: spoopernatural-2000:

sixpenceee:


How to find crabs
Source


This is why we stay far away from the ocean




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: spoopernatural-2000:

sixpenceee:


How to find crabs
Source


This is why we stay far away from the ocean




                
                

                
            

            
            
spoopernatural-2000:

sixpenceee:


How to find crabs
Source


This is why we stay far away from the ocean





            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

                
            

            
            
cereusblue:
unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the g...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Seriously, “Cool Ocean”, “Adventure” and “Black” are not scents, dammit! by snarkycrow
MORE MEMES
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Seriously, “Cool Ocean”, “Adventure” and “Black” are not scents, dammit! by snarkycrow
MORE MEMES
                
            

            
            
Seriously, “Cool Ocean”, “Adventure” and “Black” are not scents, dammit! by snarkycrow
MORE MEMES

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: fangirltothefullest:

dora-wont-explore:

frozen-void:

linddzz:

only-1-a:

twowandsandadrink:

astral-nexus:

vegan-xicano:

prettynymph:

Sea world should be wiped the fuck out

Seaworld, zoos, circuses

Always reblog, spread the message.

no
no zoos
zoos do good things
zoos help rehabilitate animals who otherwise would not survive in the wild
zoos help protect animals that would otherwise be hunted down
and zoos give them care to keep them healthy
seaworld and circuses (involving animals)
those are the ones that are bad

Are aquariums still considered good? Cuz ours has a bunch of sea animals that were brought in due to injuries, and that seems like a good thing to help them out until they can go back in the ocean.

Aquariums function like aquatic zoos IF they are non-profit and accredited. For instance the National Aquarium does have dolphins BUT last year they stopped doing shows and literally just let the dolphins do what they want. People can come in to watch the dolphins and trainers still are there but now are less “trainers” and more “human toys.” Breeding efforts have stopped and they announced they’re going to care for their existing pod and play as the POD wants for the rest of their life and after that, no dolphins.
Almost all their fish are nearly 20 years old (or less depending on natural life cycle, or MORE… there are a few close to 50) and they also have rehabilitation and release programs for injured animals. Since they are non-profit every bit of money goes to constant improvements in their tanks, research, and conservation efforts.
Sea World, despite all their advertising and talk, is a for profit organization that is more concerned with the paychecks than with animal welfare. Baltimore aquarium got a lot of people in with their dolphin shows but they stopped when learning it wasn’t best for their animals. Sea World has no such concern.

Learn before you burn 

Keep the zoos and aquariums. Fuck sea world and circuses.

Circuses have been getting rid of  their animals in favour of human entertainment because most of them are recognizing the problems with keeping these animals which is more than I can say for sea world. So… fuck sea world.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: fangirltothefullest:

dora-wont-explore:

frozen-void:

linddzz:

only-1-a:

twowandsandadrink:

astral-nexus:

vegan-xicano:

prettynymph:

Sea world should be wiped the fuck out

Seaworld, zoos, circuses

Always reblog, spread the message.

no
no zoos
zoos do good things
zoos help rehabilitate animals who otherwise would not survive in the wild
zoos help protect animals that would otherwise be hunted down
and zoos give them care to keep them healthy
seaworld and circuses (involving animals)
those are the ones that are bad

Are aquariums still considered good? Cuz ours has a bunch of sea animals that were brought in due to injuries, and that seems like a good thing to help them out until they can go back in the ocean.

Aquariums function like aquatic zoos IF they are non-profit and accredited. For instance the National Aquarium does have dolphins BUT last year they stopped doing shows and literally just let the dolphins do what they want. People can come in to watch the dolphins and trainers still are there but now are less “trainers” and more “human toys.” Breeding efforts have stopped and they announced they’re going to care for their existing pod and play as the POD wants for the rest of their life and after that, no dolphins.
Almost all their fish are nearly 20 years old (or less depending on natural life cycle, or MORE… there are a few close to 50) and they also have rehabilitation and release programs for injured animals. Since they are non-profit every bit of money goes to constant improvements in their tanks, research, and conservation efforts.
Sea World, despite all their advertising and talk, is a for profit organization that is more concerned with the paychecks than with animal welfare. Baltimore aquarium got a lot of people in with their dolphin shows but they stopped when learning it wasn’t best for their animals. Sea World has no such concern.

Learn before you burn 

Keep the zoos and aquariums. Fuck sea world and circuses.

Circuses have been getting rid of  their animals in favour of human entertainment because most of them are recognizing the problems with keeping these animals which is more than I can say for sea world. So… fuck sea world.

                
            

            
            
fangirltothefullest:

dora-wont-explore:

frozen-void:

linddzz:

only-1-a:

twowandsandadrink:

astral-nexus:

vegan-xicano:

prettynymp...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: I’ll fight the ocean >:(
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: I’ll fight the ocean >:(
                
            

            
            
I’ll fight the ocean >:(

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: brightlotusmoon:
a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-chama:

ocean-child-love:

kaibas-paragraphical-mind:

what-is-a-homestuck:

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT

YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT

“I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.”

I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid
taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere, 
every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again
and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will.



I don’t see how this is much of a downside
When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve

Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know

That’s great but have you considered
~cosplay
~Halloween costumes
~acting
~cosplay
~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces
~cosplay
~cosplay
~COSPLAY


imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” 



“BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.”
“Don’t antagonize the fae.”
“I AM the fae, Susan.”

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: brightlotusmoon:
a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-chama:

ocean-child-love:

kaibas-paragraphical-mind:

what-is-a-homestuck:

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT

YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT

“I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.”

I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid
taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere, 
every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again
and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will.



I don’t see how this is much of a downside
When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve

Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know

That’s great but have you considered
~cosplay
~Halloween costumes
~acting
~cosplay
~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces
~cosplay
~cosplay
~COSPLAY


imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” 



“BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.”
“Don’t antagonize the fae.”
“I AM the fae, Susan.”

                
            

            
            
brightlotusmoon:
a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-chama:

ocean-ch...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: feniczoroark:

aqueerkettleofish:

brightlotusmoon:

a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-chama:

ocean-child-love:

kaibas-paragraphical-mind:

what-is-a-homestuck:

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT

YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT

“I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.”

I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid
taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere, 
every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again
and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will.



I don’t see how this is much of a downside
When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve

Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know

That’s great but have you considered
~cosplay
~Halloween costumes
~acting
~cosplay
~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces
~cosplay
~cosplay
~COSPLAY


imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” 



“BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.”
“Don’t antagonize the fae.”
“I AM the fae, Susan.”

Also, consider— people will know it’s you, but it doesn’t say they’ll know what you are. “So is Pete a 50 foot flamingo who changes into a man, or the other way around?”“We.. we don’t know.  Barbara asked him once, but he just grinned.  She said they weren’t the teeth of a human OR flamingo and she didn’t want to talk about it.” 



@randomnightlord 


As a trans girl this button has no negative side effects for me
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: feniczoroark:

aqueerkettleofish:

brightlotusmoon:

a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-chama:

ocean-child-love:

kaibas-paragraphical-mind:

what-is-a-homestuck:

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT

YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT

“I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.”

I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid
taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere, 
every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again
and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will.



I don’t see how this is much of a downside
When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve

Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know

That’s great but have you considered
~cosplay
~Halloween costumes
~acting
~cosplay
~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces
~cosplay
~cosplay
~COSPLAY


imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” 



“BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.”
“Don’t antagonize the fae.”
“I AM the fae, Susan.”

Also, consider— people will know it’s you, but it doesn’t say they’ll know what you are. “So is Pete a 50 foot flamingo who changes into a man, or the other way around?”“We.. we don’t know.  Barbara asked him once, but he just grinned.  She said they weren’t the teeth of a human OR flamingo and she didn’t want to talk about it.” 



@randomnightlord 


As a trans girl this button has no negative side effects for me
                
            

            
            
feniczoroark:

aqueerkettleofish:

brightlotusmoon:

a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elven...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Ocean man…
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Ocean man…
                
            

            
            
Ocean man…

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: thoughts-of-a-bibleophile:

dandelionpaint:

Say sike right now




did that tarantula come OUT OF THE OCEAN
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: thoughts-of-a-bibleophile:

dandelionpaint:

Say sike right now




did that tarantula come OUT OF THE OCEAN
                
                

                
            

            
            
thoughts-of-a-bibleophile:

dandelionpaint:

Say sike right now




did that tarantula come OUT OF THE OCEAN

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: blackpeoplefashion:not to be dramatic but frank ocean deserves to be in an art museum
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: blackpeoplefashion:not to be dramatic but frank ocean deserves to be in an art museum
                
            

            
            
blackpeoplefashion:not to be dramatic but frank ocean deserves to be in an art museum

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Scumbag ocean
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Scumbag ocean
                
            

            
            
Scumbag ocean

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: georgetheblob-art:

they’re just goin for a stroll by the ocean, chatting together, you know, like ya do.
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: georgetheblob-art:

they’re just goin for a stroll by the ocean, chatting together, you know, like ya do.
                
            

            
            
georgetheblob-art:

they’re just goin for a stroll by the ocean, chatting together, you know, like ya do.

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: **Sad ocean noises**
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: **Sad ocean noises**
                
            

            
            
**Sad ocean noises**

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: I WANT SOME OCEAN COCAINE by ImFairly_
MORE MEMES
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: I WANT SOME OCEAN COCAINE by ImFairly_
MORE MEMES
                
            

            
            
I WANT SOME OCEAN COCAINE by ImFairly_
MORE MEMES

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: I WANT SOME OCEAN COCAINE
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: I WANT SOME OCEAN COCAINE
                
            

            
            
I WANT SOME OCEAN COCAINE

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: witchesversuspatriarchy:If she was a siren singing at the bottom of the ocean, I’d jump right into it. No doubt. Totally gay :D
Angelic voice 

😍



😍


    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: witchesversuspatriarchy:If she was a siren singing at the bottom of the ocean, I’d jump right into it. No doubt. Totally gay :D
Angelic voice 

😍



😍


                
                

                
            

            
            
witchesversuspatriarchy:If she was a siren singing at the bottom of the ocean, I’d jump right into it. No doubt. Totally gay :D
Angelic v...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: ironwoman359:
cereusblue:

unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER



I love this

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: ironwoman359:
cereusblue:

unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
This is how the golden age of piracy ended.
The first mermaid to get tattoos :)


“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”
“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.
“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”
“i know.”
x
“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”
her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.
“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.
“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.
x
“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”
“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”
she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.
x
“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.
“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”
she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.
“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”
x
her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”
the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.
“why not?” the mermaid asks.
“he’ll win,” the first mate says.
the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.
x
the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.
“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”
x
the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.
“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”
they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.
she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.
the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.
x
she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.
x
“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.
she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.
“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”
the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. 
“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.
“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.
“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”
“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”
“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”
“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”
x
the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.
“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.
the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.
“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”
“and now?”
“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”
the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817
That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!




HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER



I love this

                
            

            
            
ironwoman359:
cereusblue:

unnameablethings:


dragonsateyourtoast:

redporkpadthai:

dragonsateyourtoast:

otherwindow:

otherwindow:
Th...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Helo yes I want rock in ocean
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Helo yes I want rock in ocean
                
            

            
            
Helo yes I want rock in ocean

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: salamispots:You keep dreaming about the ocean
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: salamispots:You keep dreaming about the ocean
                
            

            
            
salamispots:You keep dreaming about the ocean

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Ocean temps drop as mixtapes removed from ocean
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Ocean temps drop as mixtapes removed from ocean
                
            

            
            
Ocean temps drop as mixtapes removed from ocean

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: dani-draws-201:

jesuisperdu:
(entire brick wall smoothed out by the ocean)

Domesticated rock returns to the wild

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: dani-draws-201:

jesuisperdu:
(entire brick wall smoothed out by the ocean)

Domesticated rock returns to the wild

                
            

            
            
dani-draws-201:

jesuisperdu:
(entire brick wall smoothed out by the ocean)

Domesticated rock returns to the wild


            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: epicjohndoe:

Ocean Dress
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: epicjohndoe:

Ocean Dress
                
            

            
            
epicjohndoe:

Ocean Dress

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Like a drop in the ocean they’ve already boiled (via /r/BlackPeopleTwitter)
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Like a drop in the ocean they’ve already boiled (via /r/BlackPeopleTwitter)
                
            

            
            
Like a drop in the ocean they’ve already boiled (via /r/BlackPeopleTwitter)

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Like a drop in the ocean they’ve already boiled by alonelycuteboy
MORE MEMES
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Like a drop in the ocean they’ve already boiled by alonelycuteboy
MORE MEMES
                
            

            
            
Like a drop in the ocean they’ve already boiled by alonelycuteboy
MORE MEMES

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: WillYouPressTheButton?.com
 I will not!
 You can shapeshift into
 any form you choose
 but
 People will always know
 it's you
endyranartz:

brightlotusmoon:
a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-chama:

ocean-child-love:

kaibas-paragraphical-mind:

what-is-a-homestuck:

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT

YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT

“I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.”

I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid
taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere, 
every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again
and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will.



I don’t see how this is much of a downside
When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve

Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know

That’s great but have you considered
~cosplay
~Halloween costumes
~acting
~cosplay
~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces
~cosplay
~cosplay
~COSPLAY


imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” 



“BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.”
“Don’t antagonize the fae.”
“I AM the fae, Susan.”

This would be fun when around friends. 
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: WillYouPressTheButton?.com
 I will not!
 You can shapeshift into
 any form you choose
 but
 People will always know
 it's you
endyranartz:

brightlotusmoon:
a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-chama:

ocean-child-love:

kaibas-paragraphical-mind:

what-is-a-homestuck:

WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT

YOU COULD BE A FUCKING BADASS DRAGON THAT’S THE POINT

“I AM A CREATURE OF DARKNESS” “oh hey sabrina.”

I guess the point is that you could shapeshift into the body you always thought you’d grow into when you were a kid
taller, shorter, slimmer, more muscular, purple hair, tattoos everywhere, tattoos nowhere, 
every single shoe would fit you every single time you tried it on, every single article of clothing would fit your perfectly, all you have to do is transform slightly, you’d never run out of ‘your size’ again
and you wouldn’t have to work for it at all, and you’d never be limitted by your bone structure or something. You could just transform at will.



I don’t see how this is much of a downside
When you turn into a sixty story tentacle demon and terrorize a city you want to get the credit you deserve

Oh man that would be so sweet. I could be an annoying fuck as an insect or something but you couldn’t kill me because everyone would know

That’s great but have you considered
~cosplay
~Halloween costumes
~acting
~cosplay
~stretching to reach stuff and shrinking to fit through spaces
~cosplay
~cosplay
~COSPLAY


imagine being at work minding your business and then suddenly you look out the window and see like a 50ft tall flamingo and then someone just says “oh, yeah, that’s just pete, he does this sometimes, don’t worry” 



“BRB, gonna be a cat-sized dragon for a few hours. Might come home a foot taller with mood tattoos.”
“Don’t antagonize the fae.”
“I AM the fae, Susan.”

This would be fun when around friends. 
                
            

            
            
endyranartz:

brightlotusmoon:
a-holiday-franchise:


perpetualcombustioninstruction:

revereche:

bogleech:

elvenrainbow:

shitsuren-ch...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: electric bulb
 @valarrrrrrry
 I've remembered one of my neighbors
 has ever asked me why I lock my door
 when I'm inside the house and I asked
 him how he knows that and he told
 me with a straight face that he has
 tried to open it some nights to 'greet
 me'.
 16:19 04/09/2019 Twitter for Android
 1,720 Retweets 2,524 Likes
morgrimmoon:

letsmcflytobritain:

deminat-20:

smiling-grouch:


ocean-again:

loueejii:

facelesssavior:

twitblr:

Dormant Predators



This is why I have this. Even if they can get the lock opened they can’t push the door open. Got it at Lowes for $20. 

reblog for that last bit to save a life


If you’re like me and have a large gap under your front door (someone could take a stick and just poke the leaning stick style door jam out), I recommend the Addalock. It’s small, perfect for traveling, and this lock is CRAZY. It’s so simple but the door does not move. 
You can’t see it from the other side, either. It also cost about $20, and I can’t recommend it enough. Easy to travel with, too! Great for Air BnBs!




That’s why I have these on my doors. They get drilled into the side and once its flipped over the door nothing is getting it open. Not the door being unlocked nothing, I’ve unlocked the door and pulled and pushed as hard as I could and it didn’t budge. When I go on a trip this is what I use and when I’m home I leave it on too. No one is getting in here.

Okay I know that it is necessary for many but what do you do if you need medical attention and you’re not able to open the door from the inside? Can the fire department get through these at least?  

Yes. The fire department can and will break down your door if necessary, it’s one of the reasons they have axes; it’s entirely possible for door frames to melt/expand/seize or otherwise become unopenable during a house fire but the door itself can be hacked down. Or the window. In rare cases, the wall. Firefighters don’t fuck around with collateral damage when lives are at stake.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: electric bulb
 @valarrrrrrry
 I've remembered one of my neighbors
 has ever asked me why I lock my door
 when I'm inside the house and I asked
 him how he knows that and he told
 me with a straight face that he has
 tried to open it some nights to 'greet
 me'.
 16:19 04/09/2019 Twitter for Android
 1,720 Retweets 2,524 Likes
morgrimmoon:

letsmcflytobritain:

deminat-20:

smiling-grouch:


ocean-again:

loueejii:

facelesssavior:

twitblr:

Dormant Predators



This is why I have this. Even if they can get the lock opened they can’t push the door open. Got it at Lowes for $20. 

reblog for that last bit to save a life


If you’re like me and have a large gap under your front door (someone could take a stick and just poke the leaning stick style door jam out), I recommend the Addalock. It’s small, perfect for traveling, and this lock is CRAZY. It’s so simple but the door does not move. 
You can’t see it from the other side, either. It also cost about $20, and I can’t recommend it enough. Easy to travel with, too! Great for Air BnBs!




That’s why I have these on my doors. They get drilled into the side and once its flipped over the door nothing is getting it open. Not the door being unlocked nothing, I’ve unlocked the door and pulled and pushed as hard as I could and it didn’t budge. When I go on a trip this is what I use and when I’m home I leave it on too. No one is getting in here.

Okay I know that it is necessary for many but what do you do if you need medical attention and you’re not able to open the door from the inside? Can the fire department get through these at least?  

Yes. The fire department can and will break down your door if necessary, it’s one of the reasons they have axes; it’s entirely possible for door frames to melt/expand/seize or otherwise become unopenable during a house fire but the door itself can be hacked down. Or the window. In rare cases, the wall. Firefighters don’t fuck around with collateral damage when lives are at stake.

                
            

            
            
morgrimmoon:

letsmcflytobritain:

deminat-20:

smiling-grouch:


ocean-again:

loueejii:

facelesssavior:

twitblr:

Dormant Predators...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Facts that can save your life.
 If you vomit and it looks like coffee grounds,
 you need to get to a hospital. You're bleeding
 somew
 The partially digested blood comes up looking
 like coffee grounds.
 here and it's reaching your stomach
 If you ever almost drown to the point of
 throwing up water or passing out, even if you
 feel 100% fine, get to a hospital. Your lungs
 can unwittingly self-fill up with fluid over the
 next few hours.
 When having a heart attack, you don't
 swallow asprin, you chew it. Then swallow.
 If you're ever somewhere really high (e.g
 hiking) and you hear crunchy/crinkling noises
 in the air and/or feel static electricity (like
 your hair standing up) . get out of there
 immediately, lightning is on it's way
 If you're at the beach and the ocean suddenly
 recedes, get to high ground. ASAP
 Rohypnol, the date rape drug, has a salty
 taste to it.
 Utrafacts.umblr.com
mizukiinozomii:

spsyched:

ladyofthegeneral:

bonnieblue85:

keeping-up-with-the-jenners:

just-the-way-youre-not:

ultrafacts:

Source: 1 2 3 4 5 6 If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT

Reblogging because I care about you guys

Important

Rohypnol has an INCREDIBLY salty taste to it. It’s disgusting. And it also isn’t a drug that acts immediately! The minute you notice the salty taste, you have about 5-10 minutes to get somewhere safe or call an ambulance, and it CAN be fought if you’re aware of it. It will make you woozy, it will make you so dizzy you can’t stand upright, it will certainly make you unable to walk properly, but if you struggle to remain conscious you can get about 20 extra minutes of consciousness from the drug before it will knock you out completely. If you’re in a public place, and the person who drugged you is trying to take you somewhere private, start. a. fight. Insist as LOUDLY and as VIOLENTLY as you can that you refuse to go anywhere with them. Odds are they’re 

 trying to make as little of a scene as possible as they drag you away, and if you’re putting up a fight and very clearly ‘drunk’, eyes will turn on them and they’ll either need to let you go, or cause a serious scene, which they don’t want. Don’t just act like you’re just protesting being taken home, though. Fight like your life depends on it even if they aren’t assaulting you. Cause. A. Scene. That’s the last thing they want. 

Everyone should reblog this!


Very useful.

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Facts that can save your life.
 If you vomit and it looks like coffee grounds,
 you need to get to a hospital. You're bleeding
 somew
 The partially digested blood comes up looking
 like coffee grounds.
 here and it's reaching your stomach
 If you ever almost drown to the point of
 throwing up water or passing out, even if you
 feel 100% fine, get to a hospital. Your lungs
 can unwittingly self-fill up with fluid over the
 next few hours.
 When having a heart attack, you don't
 swallow asprin, you chew it. Then swallow.
 If you're ever somewhere really high (e.g
 hiking) and you hear crunchy/crinkling noises
 in the air and/or feel static electricity (like
 your hair standing up) . get out of there
 immediately, lightning is on it's way
 If you're at the beach and the ocean suddenly
 recedes, get to high ground. ASAP
 Rohypnol, the date rape drug, has a salty
 taste to it.
 Utrafacts.umblr.com
mizukiinozomii:

spsyched:

ladyofthegeneral:

bonnieblue85:

keeping-up-with-the-jenners:

just-the-way-youre-not:

ultrafacts:

Source: 1 2 3 4 5 6 If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT

Reblogging because I care about you guys

Important

Rohypnol has an INCREDIBLY salty taste to it. It’s disgusting. And it also isn’t a drug that acts immediately! The minute you notice the salty taste, you have about 5-10 minutes to get somewhere safe or call an ambulance, and it CAN be fought if you’re aware of it. It will make you woozy, it will make you so dizzy you can’t stand upright, it will certainly make you unable to walk properly, but if you struggle to remain conscious you can get about 20 extra minutes of consciousness from the drug before it will knock you out completely. If you’re in a public place, and the person who drugged you is trying to take you somewhere private, start. a. fight. Insist as LOUDLY and as VIOLENTLY as you can that you refuse to go anywhere with them. Odds are they’re 

 trying to make as little of a scene as possible as they drag you away, and if you’re putting up a fight and very clearly ‘drunk’, eyes will turn on them and they’ll either need to let you go, or cause a serious scene, which they don’t want. Don’t just act like you’re just protesting being taken home, though. Fight like your life depends on it even if they aren’t assaulting you. Cause. A. Scene. That’s the last thing they want. 

Everyone should reblog this!


Very useful.

                
            

            
            
mizukiinozomii:

spsyched:

ladyofthegeneral:

bonnieblue85:

keeping-up-with-the-jenners:

just-the-way-youre-not:

ultrafacts:

Source:...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                






            

        

        
        

            

                







    Ocean: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Ocean: Here's a prime example of "Men Are
 From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
 offered by an English professor from
 the University of Phoenix:
 The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex-
 periment with a new form called the tandem story
 The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the
 person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home-
 work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
 of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para-
 graph and send another copy to me. The partner will
 read the first paragraph and then add another para-
 graph to the story and send it back, also sending an-
 other copy to me. The first person will then add a third
 paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
 Remember to re-read what has been written each time
 in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab-
 solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any-
 thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
 The story is over when both agree a con-
 clusion has been reached."
 The following was actually turned in by two of his
 English students:
 Rebecca and Gary
 THE STORY:
 (first paragraph by Rebecca)
 At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea
 she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her
 favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
 her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
 times, that he liked chamomile.
 But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
 mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating,
 and if she thought about him too much her asthma
 started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
 the
 second paragraph by Gary)
 Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of
 the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
 had more important things to think about than the
 neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
 Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
 over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he
 said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar
 orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But
 before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
 flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
 his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
 him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit.
 (Rebecca)
 He bumped his head and died almost immediately,
 but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
 psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
 ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
 stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace
 ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per-
 manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie
 read in her newspaper one morning. The news si-
 multaneously excited her and bored her. She
 stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
 when the days had passed unhurriedly and care-
 free, with no newspaper to read, no television to
 distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
 all the beautiful things around
 her. "Why must one
 lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
 pondered wistfully
 Gary)
 Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec-
 onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
 Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
 lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
 peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
 disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
 Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em-
 pires who were determined to destroy the human
 race. Within two hours after the passage of the
 treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
 Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
 With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
 their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en-
 tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
 in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
 on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
 inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
 poor, stupid Laurie.
 (Rebecca)
 This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
 literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin-
 istic semi-literate adolescent.
 Gary)
 Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered
 tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
 literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have
 chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
 F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an
 air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle
 Steele novels!"
 Gary)
 B*tch.
 (Rebecca)
 F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI
 In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
 A+
 Ireally liked this one.
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
                
            

            
            
epicjohndoe:

A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’