looking-around
looking-around

looking-around

shot through the heart
 shot through the heart

shot through the heart

shotting
 shotting

shotting

no
 no

no

through
through

through

too
too

too

rationalization
rationalization

rationalization

ons
ons

ons

personable
personable

personable

bos
bos

bos

🔥 | Latest

Jumped: libertybill: jooshcraft: theyoungpatriot1776: friendlyalien: klubbhead: friendly-neighborhood-ehrhardt: thestarsareundecided: landysbear: kompanie-mutter: the-mighty-birdy: friendly-neighborhood-patriarch: libertybill: libertybill: libertybill: Uh hey, CNN, why? HEY UH NYT?? WHY?? HEY UH WASHINGTON POST UH??? WHY??? Eeeyup In a world of these chucklefucks, ironically be Buzzfeed holy shit WHAT THE FUCK CNN Isn’t she the Minister of Propaganda or something? propaganda guru, communications aide, administrative gatekeeper yes.  our friends over at nbc also used some creepily similar phrasing to the other major news sources above btw, including comparing her to ivanka trump, although the headline for their piece is more neutral & less glowing. theyre still treating her like some kind of celebrity, & comparing her favorably to various member of the trump administration/family. i cant believe buzzfeed had to be a voice of reason in the press here. buzzfeed. that is horrifying. We’ve jumped timelines AGAIN The terrifying timeline where I have to agree with goddamn Buzzfeed. This feels vaguely like those occasions where an Onion article hits too close to the truth. Vaguely Attractive Communist Woman Lauded by Media Following Gulag PR Campaign. Don’t forget this shit when they try it again. Those who don’t learn history and all that whatnot 🤦🏾‍♀️
Jumped: libertybill:
jooshcraft:


theyoungpatriot1776:


friendlyalien:


klubbhead:

friendly-neighborhood-ehrhardt:


thestarsareundecided:

landysbear:


kompanie-mutter:


the-mighty-birdy:

friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:

libertybill:


libertybill:

libertybill:
Uh hey, CNN, why?
HEY UH NYT?? WHY??


HEY UH WASHINGTON POST UH??? WHY???


Eeeyup

In a world of these chucklefucks, ironically
be Buzzfeed

holy shit


WHAT THE FUCK CNN


Isn’t she the Minister of Propaganda or something? 



propaganda guru, communications aide, administrative gatekeeper
yes. 
our friends over at nbc also used some creepily similar phrasing to the other major news sources above btw, including comparing her to ivanka trump, although the headline for their piece is more neutral & less glowing. theyre still treating her like some kind of celebrity, & comparing her favorably to various member of the trump administration/family.
i cant believe buzzfeed had to be a voice of reason in the press here.
buzzfeed.
that is horrifying.


We’ve jumped timelines 
AGAIN



The terrifying timeline where I have to agree with goddamn Buzzfeed.



This feels vaguely like those occasions where an Onion article hits too close to the truth.



Vaguely Attractive Communist Woman Lauded by Media Following Gulag PR Campaign. 



Don’t forget this shit when they try it again.



Those who don’t learn history and all that whatnot 🤦🏾‍♀️

libertybill: jooshcraft: theyoungpatriot1776: friendlyalien: klubbhead: friendly-neighborhood-ehrhardt: thestarsareundecided: l...

Jumped: aces-away: My australian shepherd jumped into my moms lap and everyone else left and got a dog or a kid to have with the during the meetin
Jumped: aces-away:

My australian shepherd jumped into my moms lap and everyone else left and got a dog or a kid to have with the during the meetin

aces-away: My australian shepherd jumped into my moms lap and everyone else left and got a dog or a kid to have with the during the meetin

Jumped: my-pansexualmess: urbanfantasyinspiration: supreme-leader-stoat: mylifeisafairy-tale: satansbitontheside: bathedinflames: nerdyandyouknowit: cheerfulmetaphysics: tsamthepoet: I hardly see any heroic posts about Muslims on here, so here you go. I love that it takes the time to specify that his attack of choice was a flying kick The hero the world needs I remember this. But I feel we’re missing some key points. When it happened, he was out jogging with his puppy: He heard screams and sprinted towards them. He jumped a fence, saw a man pinning a woman down and immediately fly-kicked him in the face, knocking him out. He then gave the woman his jacket because her dress was ripped and got her a taxi home. She only managed to get in contact with him and tell the papers cause she later found his driver’s license in the pocket of the jacket. “If I see a person in danger then I will intervene. I would not want to ignore it and then read the next day that a woman had been raped or murdered.” And his message to the attacker: “He is a coward and a man with no morals. I won’t forget his face.” Glaswegians will always fly kick someone I swear. Good on him. Something else I love about this is that they’re calling the rapist a “beast” because that is an appropriate word to use for someone who would do something that horrible instead of showing him any form of sympathy or humanizing him What a lad proud of him
Jumped: my-pansexualmess:
urbanfantasyinspiration:

supreme-leader-stoat:


mylifeisafairy-tale:

satansbitontheside:

bathedinflames:

nerdyandyouknowit:

cheerfulmetaphysics:

tsamthepoet:

I hardly see any heroic posts about Muslims on here, so here you go.

I love that it takes the time to specify that his attack of choice was a flying kick

The hero the world needs

I remember this. But I feel we’re missing some key points. When it happened, he was out jogging with his puppy:

He heard screams and sprinted towards them. He jumped a fence, saw a man pinning a woman down and immediately fly-kicked him in the face, knocking him out. He then gave the woman his jacket because her dress was ripped and got her a taxi home. She only managed to get in contact with him and tell the papers cause she later found his driver’s license in the pocket of the jacket.
“If I see a person in danger then I will intervene. I would not want to ignore it and then read the next day that a woman had been raped or murdered.”
And his message to the attacker:
“He is a coward and a man with no morals. I won’t forget his face.”

Glaswegians will always fly kick someone I swear. Good on him.


Something else I love about this is that they’re calling the rapist a “beast” because that is an appropriate word to use for someone who would do something that horrible instead of showing him any form of sympathy or humanizing him 



What a lad

proud of him

my-pansexualmess: urbanfantasyinspiration: supreme-leader-stoat: mylifeisafairy-tale: satansbitontheside: bathedinflames: nerdyandy...

Jumped: my-pansexualmess: urbanfantasyinspiration: supreme-leader-stoat: mylifeisafairy-tale: satansbitontheside: bathedinflames: nerdyandyouknowit: cheerfulmetaphysics: tsamthepoet: I hardly see any heroic posts about Muslims on here, so here you go. I love that it takes the time to specify that his attack of choice was a flying kick The hero the world needs I remember this. But I feel we’re missing some key points. When it happened, he was out jogging with his puppy: He heard screams and sprinted towards them. He jumped a fence, saw a man pinning a woman down and immediately fly-kicked him in the face, knocking him out. He then gave the woman his jacket because her dress was ripped and got her a taxi home. She only managed to get in contact with him and tell the papers cause she later found his driver’s license in the pocket of the jacket. “If I see a person in danger then I will intervene. I would not want to ignore it and then read the next day that a woman had been raped or murdered.” And his message to the attacker: “He is a coward and a man with no morals. I won’t forget his face.” Glaswegians will always fly kick someone I swear. Good on him. Something else I love about this is that they’re calling the rapist a “beast” because that is an appropriate word to use for someone who would do something that horrible instead of showing him any form of sympathy or humanizing him What a lad proud of him
Jumped: my-pansexualmess:
urbanfantasyinspiration:

supreme-leader-stoat:


mylifeisafairy-tale:

satansbitontheside:

bathedinflames:

nerdyandyouknowit:

cheerfulmetaphysics:

tsamthepoet:

I hardly see any heroic posts about Muslims on here, so here you go.

I love that it takes the time to specify that his attack of choice was a flying kick

The hero the world needs

I remember this. But I feel we’re missing some key points. When it happened, he was out jogging with his puppy:

He heard screams and sprinted towards them. He jumped a fence, saw a man pinning a woman down and immediately fly-kicked him in the face, knocking him out. He then gave the woman his jacket because her dress was ripped and got her a taxi home. She only managed to get in contact with him and tell the papers cause she later found his driver’s license in the pocket of the jacket.
“If I see a person in danger then I will intervene. I would not want to ignore it and then read the next day that a woman had been raped or murdered.”
And his message to the attacker:
“He is a coward and a man with no morals. I won’t forget his face.”

Glaswegians will always fly kick someone I swear. Good on him.


Something else I love about this is that they’re calling the rapist a “beast” because that is an appropriate word to use for someone who would do something that horrible instead of showing him any form of sympathy or humanizing him 



What a lad

proud of him

my-pansexualmess: urbanfantasyinspiration: supreme-leader-stoat: mylifeisafairy-tale: satansbitontheside: bathedinflames: nerdyandy...

Jumped: When I directly jumped into flutter..
Jumped: When I directly jumped into flutter..

When I directly jumped into flutter..

Jumped: What should I absolutely not do when visiting the USA? Charlie Knoles, I have lived in 5 countries and am an Aussie expat in the USA Answered 2d ago + Don't get out of your car ifyou get pulled over by police. I was pulled over by a police officer while driving in Iowa. It was one week afterI had arrived in the USA for the first time. I had accidentally made a minor mistake disobeying a traffic sign. Back home in Australia it's considered polite to get out of your car and walk over to the police officer's car and hand him your license so he doesn't have to get out of his seat. I wanted to be extra polite so I immediately jumped out of my car and walked towards his car while reaching into my back pocket. I'm lucky to be alive. If you come from a gun-free country like the UK or Australia you don't have any natural instinct for gun culture. You don't realize that police assume that everyone is armed. Things got immediately serious. The police officer's hand went to his weapon and I responded by dropping to my knees with my hands up. He yelled a bunch of things at me but my memory is vague because my heartbeat was suddenly pulsing in my ears blotting out all sound. I don't know if he drew his weapon or not. I was staring intently at the ground, shaking and trying to project non- threatening vibes. My next memory is that there were three police cars around me and a bunch of cops who'd been called for backup. They were all keeping their hands close to their guns. After some time passed (a minute? 30 minutes?I have no idea) the tensions de-escalated and they told me to get up. I gave the officer my license and tried to explain why I'd approached him. It was completely incomprehensible to him that there was a place where people don't fear cops and vice versa at traffic stops. It was as though I was trying to tell him that I came from Narnia and our cops were all talking animals. I've spoken to several British people, New Zealanders, and Australians who have shared almost identical stories. They really need to put signs up in all major US airports. Don't get out of your car if stopped by police. They will assume you are armed and they might shoot you. fierceawakening: adelmortescryche: Reblogging for other diasporic and expat folk. Especially non-caucasian diasporic and expat folk. Some things change when you shift countries. Keep the changes in mind. Whenever I see this I wonder what the gun guys think about it.
Jumped: What should I absolutely not do when visiting the USA?
 Charlie Knoles, I have lived in 5 countries and am an Aussie expat in
 the USA
 Answered 2d ago
 +
 Don't get out of your car ifyou get pulled over by police.
 I was pulled over by a police officer while driving in Iowa. It was one week afterI
 had arrived in the USA for the first time. I had accidentally made a minor
 mistake disobeying a traffic sign. Back home in Australia it's considered polite to
 get out of your car and walk over to the police officer's car and hand him your
 license so he doesn't have to get out of his seat. I wanted to be extra polite so I
 immediately jumped out of my car and walked towards his car while reaching
 into my back pocket.
 I'm lucky to be alive.
 If you come from a gun-free country like the UK or Australia you don't have any
 natural instinct for gun culture. You don't realize that police assume that
 everyone is armed.
 Things got immediately serious. The police officer's hand went to his weapon
 and I responded by dropping to my knees with my hands up. He yelled a bunch
 of things at me but my memory is vague because my heartbeat was suddenly
 pulsing in my ears blotting out all sound. I don't know if he drew his weapon or
 not. I was staring intently at the ground, shaking and trying to project non-
 threatening vibes. My next memory is that there were three police cars around
 me and a bunch of cops who'd been called for backup. They were all keeping
 their hands close to their guns. After some time passed (a minute? 30 minutes?I
 have no idea) the tensions de-escalated and they told me to get up. I gave the
 officer my license and tried to explain why I'd approached him. It was completely
 incomprehensible to him that there was a place where people don't fear cops and
 vice versa at traffic stops. It was as though I was trying to tell him that I came
 from Narnia and our cops were all talking animals.
 I've spoken to several British people, New Zealanders, and Australians who have
 shared almost identical stories. They really need to put signs up in all major US
 airports.
 Don't get out of your car if stopped by police. They will assume you are
 armed and they might shoot you.
fierceawakening:
adelmortescryche:
Reblogging for other diasporic and expat folk. Especially non-caucasian diasporic and expat folk. Some things change when you shift countries. Keep the changes in mind. 

Whenever I see this I wonder what the gun guys think about it.

fierceawakening: adelmortescryche: Reblogging for other diasporic and expat folk. Especially non-caucasian diasporic and expat folk. Some...

Jumped: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a real UFO and it was 'horribly designed' The Shape of Water director Guillermo 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d m808vthetank: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater: “I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.” The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.” (x) the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING “there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky” The real reason we haven’t made official contact with alien life is because they were offended by his remarks and don’t want to come back until we apologise
Jumped: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a
 real UFO and it was 'horribly
 designed'
 The Shape of Water director Guillermo
 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d
m808vthetank:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

doux-amer:

truestoriesaboutme:

dragon-in-a-fez:
imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines
The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics

Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater:

“I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.”
The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.”
(x)



the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING

“there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky”


The real reason we haven’t made official contact with alien life is because they were offended by his remarks and don’t want to come back until we apologise

m808vthetank: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you...

Jumped: r/AskReddit What perfectly true story of yours sounds like an outrageous lie? RamsesThePigeon 13d, 17h Just up the street from my apartment in San Francisco, there was one of those fast food restaurants that was either a KFC or a Taco Bell, depending on the angle from which it was viewed. The establishment was a frequent stopping point for students coming from the nearby college... and those students were a frequent target for a remarkably bright crow Now, on most days, the bird in question would just hang around the restaurant (as well as other ones nearby) and scavenge for scraps. Every once in a while, though - I saw this happen twice, and had it happen to me once - it would enact a much more complex scheme than simply going through the gutter: The crow had apparently discovered that money could be exchanged for food, so it would wait until it saw a likely mark, squawk at them to get their attention, then pick up and drop a coin. Anyone who responded would witness the bird hopping a few feet away, then following its "victim" toward the source of its next snack. When the crow approached me, it dropped a nickel on the ground. I stooped, picked up the coin, and then jumped slightly when the bird made a noise that sounded not unlike "Taco!' Needless to say, I bought that crow a taco. The final out-of-pocket cost for me, minus the nickel, was something like >l.T5. Even so, I figured a bird that smart deserved a reward simply for existing Of course, that was probably exactly what I was supposed to think. TL;DR: A crow paid me five cents to buy it a taco. onyourleftbooob: nadiaoxford: I don’t have a hard time believing this.
Jumped: r/AskReddit
 What perfectly true story of yours sounds like
 an outrageous lie?

 RamsesThePigeon 13d, 17h
 Just up the street from my apartment in San Francisco,
 there was one of those fast food restaurants that was
 either a KFC or a Taco Bell, depending on the angle from
 which it was viewed. The establishment was a frequent
 stopping point for students coming from the nearby
 college... and those students were a frequent target for a
 remarkably bright crow
 Now, on most days, the bird in question would just hang
 around the restaurant (as well as other ones nearby) and
 scavenge for scraps. Every once in a while, though - I saw
 this happen twice, and had it happen to me once - it would
 enact a much more complex scheme than simply going
 through the gutter: The crow had apparently discovered
 that money could be exchanged for food, so it would wait
 until it saw a likely mark, squawk at them to get their
 attention, then pick up and drop a coin. Anyone who
 responded would witness the bird hopping a few feet
 away, then following its "victim" toward the source of its
 next snack.
 When the crow approached me, it dropped a nickel on the
 ground. I stooped, picked up the coin, and then jumped
 slightly when the bird made a noise that sounded not
 unlike "Taco!'
 Needless to say, I bought that crow a taco.
 The final out-of-pocket cost for me, minus the nickel, was
 something like >l.T5. Even so, I figured a bird that smart
 deserved a reward simply for existing
 Of course, that was probably exactly what I was supposed
 to think.
 TL;DR: A crow paid me five cents to buy it a taco.
onyourleftbooob:

nadiaoxford:
I don’t have a hard time believing this.

onyourleftbooob: nadiaoxford: I don’t have a hard time believing this.

Jumped: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a real UFO and it was 'horribly designed' The Shape of Water director Guillermo 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater: “I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.” The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.” (x) the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING “there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky”
Jumped: Guillermo del Toro says he saw a
 real UFO and it was 'horribly
 designed'
 The Shape of Water director Guillermo
 2.4K by Laura Hudson/2d
thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

doux-amer:

truestoriesaboutme:

dragon-in-a-fez:
imagine you saw an alien spacecraft and your first reaction was to critique its flat color palette and unimaginative lines
The Truth is Out There and It Has Bad Aesthetics

Because context actually makes the already great headline even greater:

“I know this is horrible,” del Toro continues. “You sound like a complete lunatic, but I saw a UFO. I didn’t want to see a UFO. It was horribly designed. I was with a friend. We bought a six-pack. We didn’t consume it, and there was a place called Cerro del Cuatro, “Mountain of the Four,” on the periphery of Guadalajara. We said, ‘Let’s go to the highway.’ We sit down to watch the stars and have the beer and talk. We were the only guys by the freeway. And we saw a light on the horizon going super-fast, not linear. And I said, ‘Honk and flash the lights.’ And we started honking.”
The UFO, says del Toro, “Went from 1,000 meters away [to much closer] in less than a second — and it was so crappy. It was a flying saucer, so clichéd, with lights [blinking]. It’s so sad: I wish I could reveal they’re not what you think they are. They are what you think they are. And the fear we felt was so primal. I have never been that scared in my life. We jumped in the car, drove really fast. It was following us, and then I looked back and it was gone.”
(x)



the same man that made a movie about making giant robots to fight aliens SAW SOME ALIENS, INSULTED THEIR AESTHETIC, and RAN AWAY SCREAMING

“there is intelligent life out there but it’s really fuckin tacky”

thefingerfuckingfemalefury: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: doux-amer: truestoriesaboutme: dragon-in-a-fez: imagine you saw an alien...

Jumped: ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :(
Jumped: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate...