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Beijing, Chick-Fil-A, and Clothes: Hong Kong Protest Gear Summer 2019 Yellow construction helmet Goggles For flying debris Protects against rubber bullets, tear gas canisters, flying bricks Gas Mask Protecting against tear gas, which Hong Kong police use liberally Broad face cover To counter facial-recognition technology Black t-shirt Uniform adopted by Hong Kong protestors in contrast to white Ts, worn by Beijing supporters Backpack Typically holds snacks, water, change of clothes. tools and sometimes laser pens Lycra skin covers To protect against tear gas effects to shine in officers eyes. Elbow& knee pads For for falling, crawling and scuffing on city streets Umbrella Protection against rain and pepper spray Loose change For subway fare, to avoid being tracked through electronic transit passes Heat-resistant gloves To throw hot tear gas canisters back at police Photo: Saša Petricic/CBC cisphobicmac: thecringeandwincefactory: i-hate-chick-fil-a: This guide will be useful to Americans when we need to protest This is great stuff for situations where you’re dealing primarily with cops - just please keep in mind that one size does not necessarily fit all situations. We’ve found locally, for instance, that nazis here like to use knives. A lot of knife injuries come from attempting to fend off an attack, and thus result in slashing injuries to the arms. Fortunately there are very light, flexible, and relatively inexpensive products originally intended for butchers to use that are great for this and will cover your whole arm or forearm. Always research this stuff ahead of time and look at what other people in similar situations are doing and share the information you find. And remember that you don’t need to reinvent the wheel to protect yourself. And always mask up. This persons comment wasn’t rebloggable but I felt was an important addition.
Beijing, Chick-Fil-A, and Clothes: Hong Kong Protest Gear Summer 2019
 Yellow construction helmet
 Goggles
 For flying debris
 Protects against rubber
 bullets, tear gas canisters,
 flying bricks
 Gas Mask
 Protecting against tear
 gas, which Hong Kong
 police use liberally
 Broad face cover
 To counter facial-recognition
 technology
 Black t-shirt
 Uniform adopted by
 Hong Kong protestors
 in contrast to white Ts,
 worn by Beijing supporters
 Backpack
 Typically holds snacks,
 water, change of
 clothes. tools and
 sometimes laser pens
 Lycra skin covers
 To protect against tear
 gas effects
 to shine in officers
 eyes.
 Elbow& knee pads
 For for falling,
 crawling and scuffing
 on city streets
 Umbrella
 Protection against rain
 and pepper spray
 Loose change
 For subway fare, to
 avoid being tracked
 through electronic
 transit passes
 Heat-resistant
 gloves
 To throw hot tear gas
 canisters back at
 police
 Photo: Saša Petricic/CBC
cisphobicmac:
thecringeandwincefactory:

i-hate-chick-fil-a:
This guide will be useful to Americans when we need to protest
This is great stuff for situations where you’re dealing primarily with cops - just please keep in mind that one size does not necessarily fit all situations. 
We’ve found locally, for instance, that nazis here like to use knives. A lot of knife injuries come from attempting to fend off an attack, and thus result in slashing injuries to the arms. Fortunately there are very light, flexible, and relatively inexpensive products originally intended for butchers to use that are great for this and will cover your whole arm or forearm.
Always research this stuff ahead of time and look at what other people in similar situations are doing and share the information you find. And remember that you don’t need to reinvent the wheel to protect yourself. And always mask up.

This persons comment wasn’t rebloggable but I felt was an important addition.

cisphobicmac: thecringeandwincefactory: i-hate-chick-fil-a: This guide will be useful to Americans when we need to protest This is great st...

Af, Books, and Crying: ti skerb Retweeted Shan AF RJ mesa 15 - AF SP mesa 71 @ShanaBRX Jun 14 Fuck everyone who whines about ao3 News All News May 2019 Newsletter, Volume 135 Published: Thu 13 Jun 2019 01:03PM 03 Comments: 4 Recently, the Archive of Our Own has received an influx of new Chinese users, a result of tightening content restrictions on other platforms. We would like to extend our warmest welcome to them, and remind everyone that our committees are working to make AO3 as accessible as possible in languages other than English Read more... 20 t 2.8K 6.4K Show this thread wetwareproblem: wrangletangle: zoe2213414: eabevella: naryrising: You can read the post here for more info, but I wanted to just add a bit about what this entails from my POV, on the Support team.  Somewhere between ¼ to 1/3 of all our tickets last month were in Chinese (somewhere upwards of 300 out of 1200 or so), almost all from users just setting up their accounts or trying to find out how to get an invitation.  A lot of the tickets are what I’d characterize as “intro” tickets - they say hi, list favourite fandoms or pairings, or provide samples of fic they’ve written. Although this isn’t necessary on AO3, this is not uncommon in Chinese fandom sites that you have to prove your credentials to get in (in fact it wasn’t uncommon in English-language fandom sites 15-20 years ago).  We respond to all of these tickets, even the ones that just say hi.  We check whether the user has managed to receive their invite or get their account sent up, and if they haven’t, we help them do so.  This means taking every single ticket through our Chinese translation team twice, once so we make sure we understand the initial ticket, and then again to translate our reply.  This is a challenging process, although we’ve found ways to streamline it and can normally get a reply out pretty quickly (like within a few days).  We do it because this is part of why AO3 exists in the first place - to provide a safe haven where users can post their works without worrying about censorship or sudden crackdowns on certain kinds of content.  We do it because this is important, and helping these users get their accounts and be able to share their works safely is why we’re here.  We hope that we’ll be able to help as many of them as possible.   There have been a few (thankfully few, that I’ve seen) complaints about these new AO3 users not always knowing how things work - what language to tag with, or what fandom tags to use, for instance.  To this I would say: 1. Have patience and be considerate.  They are coming to a new site that they aren’t familiar with, and using it in a language they may not be expert in, and it might take a while to learn the ropes.  You can filter out works tagged in Chinese if you don’t want to see them.  Or just scroll past.   2. You can report works tagged with the wrong language or the wrong fandom to our Policy and Abuse team using the link at the bottom of any page.  This will not cause the authors to “get in trouble” (a concern I’ve heard before, as people are reluctant to report for these reasons).  It means the Policy and Abuse team will contact them to ask them to change the language/fandom tag, and if the creator doesn’t, they can edit it directly.  If you remember Strikethrough or the FF.net porn ban or similar purges, please keep them in mind and consider that these users are going through something similar or potentially worse.  This is why AO3 exists.  We are doing our best to try and help make the transition smooth.   I am a Taiwanese and I’d like to put some context behind the recent influx of China based AO3 users. China is tightening their freedom of speech in recent years after Xi has became the chairman (he even canceled the 10 years long term of service of chairman, meaning he can stay as the leader of China as long as he lives–he has became a dictator). They censor words that are deemed “sensitive”, you can’t type anything to criticize the chinise government. Big social media platform won’t even post the posts containing sensitive words. You don’t have the freedom of publish books without the books being approved by the government either. To disguise this whole Ninety Eighty-Four nightmare, they started to pick on the easy target: the women and the minorities (China is getting more and more misogynistic as a result of the government trying to control their male population through encouraging them to control the female population through “chinese tradition family value” but that’s another story). Last year, the chinese government arrested a woman who is a famous yaoi/BL novel writer named 天一 and sentenced her 10 years in jail for “selling obscene publications” and “illegal publication” (she’s not the only BL writer who got arrested. Meanwhile, multiple cases where men raped women only get about 2 years of jail time in China). It’s a warning to anyone who want to publish anything that’s “not approved” by the government that they can literally ruin you.  Just recently the chinese government “contacted” website owners of one of their largest romance/yaoi/slash fiction sites 晉江 and announced that for now on, for the sake of a Clean Society, they can’t write anything that’s slightly “obscene”. No sex scene, no sexual interaction, they can’t even write any bodily interaction below neck (I’m not kidding here). But that’s not their actual goal. They also listed other restriction such as: can’t write anything that’s about the government, the military, the police, “sensitive history”, “race problems”, which is… you basically can’t write anything that might be used as a tool to criticize the government (as many novels did). This recent development really hurt the chinese fanfic writers. They can’t write anything without the fear of being put on the guillotine by the government to show their control. Most of them don’t even think that deep politically, they just want to write slash fictions. But there are no platform safe in China, that’s why the sudden influx of chinese users to AO3. I bet it won’t be long before AO3 got banned in China, but until then, be a little bit patient to them. As much as I hate the chinese government, I pity their people. I’m crying so loud…As a Chinese, you don’t know how your kindness meant to us. When I’m young, I read 1984, and I thought this story is so unrealistic, but now, it’s getting tougher and tougher for fanfic and the writer in China. Thank you ao3. Thank you for the people who care about Chinese people. (hope I didn’t spell anything wrong) The OTW’s account on Weibo, the biggest Chinese social media site, is constantly fielding questions from Chinese users about how to get invitations, how to post, all of it. Chinese fans deeply want to learn how to use AO3. The difference between Lofter’s posting system and AO3′s is perhaps even wider than the gulf between Tumblr and AO3. But imagine if you had to navigate across that gap in a language you didn’t speak, using translation programs that don’t understand fan terminology. This is exactly what the AO3 was built to deal with. We just didn’t get a chance to get the internationalization done first, so things may be bumpy for a while. We are all part of fandom, so let’s take care not to leave anyone out. Just in case it isn’t clear to anyone? This. This right here is precisely why the AO3 doesn’t police content or remove things that are icky or obscene. Because it’s not you who defines what’s obscene. It’s the authorities.
Af, Books, and Crying: ti skerb Retweeted
 Shan AF RJ mesa 15 - AF SP mesa 71 @ShanaBRX Jun 14
 Fuck everyone who whines about ao3
 News
 All News
 May 2019 Newsletter, Volume 135
 Published: Thu 13 Jun 2019 01:03PM 03 Comments: 4
 Recently, the Archive of Our Own has received an influx of
 new Chinese users, a result of tightening content restrictions
 on other platforms. We would like to extend our warmest
 welcome to them, and remind everyone that our committees
 are working to make AO3 as accessible as possible in
 languages other than English
 Read more...
 20
 t 2.8K
 6.4K
 Show this thread
wetwareproblem:
wrangletangle:

zoe2213414:

eabevella:

naryrising:

You can read the post here for more info, but I wanted to just add a bit about what this entails from my POV, on the Support team.  Somewhere between ¼ to 1/3 of all our tickets last month were in Chinese (somewhere upwards of 300 out of 1200 or so), almost all from users just setting up their accounts or trying to find out how to get an invitation.  A lot of the tickets are what I’d characterize as “intro” tickets - they say hi, list favourite fandoms or pairings, or provide samples of fic they’ve written. Although this isn’t necessary on AO3, this is not uncommon in Chinese fandom sites that you have to prove your credentials to get in (in fact it wasn’t uncommon in English-language fandom sites 15-20 years ago).  We respond to all of these tickets, even the ones that just say hi.  We check whether the user has managed to receive their invite or get their account sent up, and if they haven’t, we help them do so.  This means taking every single ticket through our Chinese translation team twice, once so we make sure we understand the initial ticket, and then again to translate our reply. 
This is a challenging process, although we’ve found ways to streamline it and can normally get a reply out pretty quickly (like within a few days).  We do it because this is part of why AO3 exists in the first place - to provide a safe haven where users can post their works without worrying about censorship or sudden crackdowns on certain kinds of content.  We do it because this is important, and helping these users get their accounts and be able to share their works safely is why we’re here.  We hope that we’ll be able to help as many of them as possible.  
There have been a few (thankfully few, that I’ve seen) complaints about these new AO3 users not always knowing how things work - what language to tag with, or what fandom tags to use, for instance.  To this I would say:
1. Have patience and be considerate.  They are coming to a new site that they aren’t familiar with, and using it in a language they may not be expert in, and it might take a while to learn the ropes.  You can filter out works tagged in Chinese if you don’t want to see them.  Or just scroll past.  
2. You can report works tagged with the wrong language or the wrong fandom to our Policy and Abuse team using the link at the bottom of any page.  This will not cause the authors to “get in trouble” (a concern I’ve heard before, as people are reluctant to report for these reasons).  It means the Policy and Abuse team will contact them to ask them to change the language/fandom tag, and if the creator doesn’t, they can edit it directly. 
If you remember Strikethrough or the FF.net porn ban or similar purges, please keep them in mind and consider that these users are going through something similar or potentially worse.  This is why AO3 exists.  We are doing our best to try and help make the transition smooth.  

I am a Taiwanese and I’d like to put some context behind the recent influx of China based AO3 users.
China is tightening their freedom of speech in recent years after Xi has became the chairman (he even canceled the 10 years long term of service of chairman, meaning he can stay as the leader of China as long as he lives–he has became a dictator). 
They censor words that are deemed “sensitive”, you can’t type anything to criticize the chinise government. Big social media platform won’t even post the posts containing sensitive words. You don’t have the freedom of publish books without the books being approved by the government either.
To disguise this whole Ninety Eighty-Four nightmare, they started to pick on the easy target: the women and the minorities (China is getting more and more misogynistic as a result of the government trying to control their male population through encouraging them to control the female population through “chinese tradition family value” but that’s another story). 
Last year, the chinese government arrested a woman who is a famous yaoi/BL novel writer named 天一 and sentenced her 10 years in jail for “selling obscene publications” and “illegal publication” (she’s not the only BL writer who got arrested. Meanwhile, multiple cases where men raped women only get about 2 years of jail time in China). It’s a warning to anyone who want to publish anything that’s “not approved” by the government that they can literally ruin you.  
Just recently the chinese government “contacted” website owners of one of their largest romance/yaoi/slash fiction sites 
晉江

and announced that for now on, for the sake of a Clean Society, they can’t write anything that’s slightly “obscene”. No sex scene, no sexual interaction, they can’t even write any bodily interaction below neck (I’m not kidding here). 
But that’s not their actual goal. They also listed other restriction such as: can’t write anything that’s about the government, the military, the police, “sensitive history”, “race problems”, which is… you basically can’t write anything that might be used as a tool to criticize the government (as many novels did). 
This recent development really hurt the chinese fanfic writers. They can’t write anything without the fear of being put on the guillotine by the government to show their control. Most of them don’t even think that deep politically, they just want to write slash fictions. But there are no platform safe in China, that’s why the sudden influx of chinese users to AO3. 
I bet it won’t be long before AO3 got banned in China, but until then, be a little bit patient to them. As much as I hate the chinese government, I pity their people. 


I’m crying so loud…As a Chinese, you don’t know how your kindness meant to us. When I’m young, I read 1984, and I thought this story is so unrealistic, but now, it’s getting tougher and tougher for fanfic and the writer in China. Thank you ao3. Thank you for the people who care about Chinese people. (hope I didn’t spell anything wrong)

The OTW’s account on Weibo, the biggest Chinese social media site, is
 constantly fielding questions from Chinese users about how to get 
invitations, how to post, all of it. Chinese fans deeply want to learn 
how to use AO3. The difference between Lofter’s posting system and AO3′s
 is perhaps even wider than the gulf between Tumblr and AO3. But imagine
 if you had to navigate across that gap in a language you didn’t speak, 
using translation programs that don’t understand fan terminology.
This is exactly
 what the AO3 was built to deal with. We just didn’t get a chance to get
 the internationalization done first, so things may be bumpy for a 
while. We are all part of fandom, so let’s take care not to leave 
anyone out.


Just in case it isn’t clear to anyone? This. This right here is precisely why the AO3 doesn’t police content or remove things that are icky or obscene.
Because it’s not you who defines what’s obscene. It’s the authorities.

wetwareproblem: wrangletangle: zoe2213414: eabevella: naryrising: You can read the post here for more info, but I wanted to just add a b...

Animals, Bakura, and Birthday: phuiscribbles: When the heart of the card responds to your trust just right #does this make kaiba kuzco #is kaiba gonna build kaibaland on top of Yugi’s gameshop #can we turn kaiba into a llama  #does kaiba dress in drag??  i hate you all  “You threw off my groove!”  “I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the CEO’s groove.”  #omg would Marik’s shoulder devil be Yami Marik?  “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s trying to lead you down the path of righteousness.”  “I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks!” #Rebecca should be the wife #Ok Ok but Kuriboh would totally be the little squirrel >w>  “Kurikurikuri??” “No nonONONONONONO-” “KURIK URIRIRHR!?” #The Big 5 turning into animals  “Get them!”  “Hey, I’ve been turned into a penguin. Can I go home?”  “You’re excused.”  “For the last time, we did not order a Magic Cylinder!”  “You know pal, you could have told me that before I set it up.”  #would baby kaiba have blue eyes white dragon plushies?  i hate all 126,000 of you  “Hey Yugi, you just missed your relatives.”  “Yeah, we just sent them up to your house.” #Kaiba lines up all the yugioh spinoff protags in a line looking for a rival  “Hate your hair. Your hair. And your hair. Annnnd…”  “Lemme guess, you have a great personality.” #And instead of a sewer crocodile it’s some sewer dragon thing..lol… #The dagger on Bakura’s leg is the Millennium Rod “Then I bet you weren’t expecting THIS.”  [SCREAMS OF HORROR]  “AHA!” “Oh, okay.” #So, when Kuzco gets turned into other animals, does Kaiba get turned into other monster cards, like UFO turtle and Fortress Whale since the big 5 got turned into cards? “Don’t you say a word…”  #Yami Bakura being sung Happy Birthday? “ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR~” “Happy, happy birthday!”“From all of us to you!”“We wish it was our birthday!”“So we could party too!” “Happy, happy birthday!”“May all your dreams come true~” “Uh-oh.”   “Don’t tell me. We’re about to go over a waterfall.”  “Yep.”   “Dark hole at the bottom?”  “Most likely.”  “Bring it on.” [*If you like these crossover redraws, consider supporting me on Patreon or buying me a coffee?]
Animals, Bakura, and Birthday: phuiscribbles:
When the heart of the card responds to your trust just right

#does this make kaiba kuzco #is kaiba gonna build kaibaland on top of Yugi’s gameshop


#can we turn kaiba into a llama 


#does kaiba dress in drag?? 


i hate you all 


“You threw off my groove!” 


“I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the CEO’s groove.” 


#omg would Marik’s shoulder devil be Yami Marik? 


“Don’t listen to that guy. He’s trying to lead you down the path of righteousness.” 
“I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks!”
#Rebecca should be the wife 
#Ok Ok but Kuriboh would totally be the little squirrel >w> 
“Kurikurikuri??”
“No nonONONONONONO-”
“KURIK URIRIRHR!?”



#The Big 5 turning into animals 


“Get them!” 


“Hey, I’ve been turned into a penguin. Can I go home?” 


“You’re excused.” 


“For the last time, we did not order a Magic Cylinder!” 


“You know pal, you could have told me that before I set it up.” 


#would baby kaiba have blue eyes white dragon plushies? 


i hate all 126,000 of you 
“Hey Yugi, you just missed your relatives.” 


“Yeah, we just sent them up to your house.”





#Kaiba lines up all the yugioh spinoff protags in a line looking for a rival 


“Hate your hair. Your hair. And your hair. Annnnd…” 
“Lemme guess, you have a great personality.”
#And instead of a sewer crocodile it’s some sewer dragon thing..lol…

#The dagger on Bakura’s leg is the Millennium Rod
“Then I bet you weren’t expecting THIS.” 


[SCREAMS OF HORROR] 


“AHA!”


“Oh, okay.”
#So, when Kuzco gets turned into other animals, does Kaiba get turned into other monster cards, like UFO turtle and Fortress Whale since the big 5 got turned into cards?
“Don’t you say a word…” 

#Yami Bakura being sung Happy Birthday?
“ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR~”


“Happy, happy birthday!”“From all of us to you!”“We wish it was our birthday!”“So we could party too!”


“Happy, happy birthday!”“May all your dreams come true~”




“Uh-oh.”  


“Don’t tell me. We’re about to go over a waterfall.” 


“Yep.”  


“Dark hole at the bottom?” 


“Most likely.” 


“Bring it on.”



[*If you like these crossover redraws, consider supporting me on Patreon or buying me a coffee?]

phuiscribbles: When the heart of the card responds to your trust just right #does this make kaiba kuzco #is kaiba gonna build kaibaland on ...

Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M S youmakemelikecharity: rock-moms: vastderp: gaybuttfuckzone: deltasniper1000: So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it. LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless floating garbage i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees be nice to them they’re doing their best :(
Alive, Apparently, and Bad: ORihad Herrma M
 S
youmakemelikecharity:

rock-moms:

vastderp:

gaybuttfuckzone:

deltasniper1000:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)

They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. 

So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. 

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.

They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. 

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. 

BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. 

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHTSo
 the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not
 sure exactly why but think it’s stabilization. BUT they can jump by 
turning on their side and using them as 
wing type things. It is suspected they do this as a way of “scratching” 
their parasite ridden bodies. So learning that I was like “huh okay they
 have a skill.” Then I discovered this: Since they 
are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry them into deep cold 
water. Then they die. So I have learned that they are so stupid they 
just get slowly consumed by a freezing death. All while they have the 
full ability for that to not happen. Because they’re fucking worthless 
floating garbage



i read this out loud to my marine bio nerd friend and she agrees


be nice to them they’re doing their best :(

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