i can


                    
                    
                

                

                

            

        
    







            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    

                        


	

	
    
        

            

                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

         pile on
        

            
             pile on
        

    

    

         
 pile on

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        sometime
        

            
            sometime
        

    

    

         
sometime

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        were
        

            
            were
        

    

    

         
were

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        ifs
        

            
            ifs
        

    

    

         
ifs

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        comely
        

            
            comely
        

    

    

         
comely

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        ons
        

            
            ons
        

    

    

         
ons

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        personable
        

            
            personable
        

    

    

         
personable

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        ill
        

            
            ill
        

    

    

         
ill

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        go to
        

            
            go to
        

    

    

         
go to

    



                
                    
                    
                    
                    

    

        schooled
        

            
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schooled

    



                
            

        

    
    

        🔥 | Latest
    

    
    

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration 
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration 
                
            

            
            
feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    College, Creepy, and Dude: If you don't teach your
 child to obey Jesus, the
 devil will teach them
 evolution, sexuality
 psychology, witchcraft
thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
fire-ghoul:

seekerofshores:

grumpyrpgreviews:

prokopetz:

cheesedeity:

prokopetz:

bear-eggs:

geekandmisandry:

Wow, I had no idea Satan was so knowledgeable and generous with his time.
#TeamSatan

Can satan come teach a class at my school

Amusingly, among the Western European demon-conjuring cults of the 16th Century, many demons were greatly valued for their skill as teachers, often to the point that grimoires would place greater emphasis on the subjects each demon was qualified to teach than on their supernatural powers.
For example, this guy?
Teaches moral philosophy.
And this creepy dude?
He’s your astronomy professor.
Seriously, look this stuff up some time - it’s wild.

I now want a comic or cartoon series about demon teachers and their human students. Not sure if it should be college or high school.

“Aw, man - I got Professor Lionwheel. I hear if you fail his exams, he eats your legs.”
“Yeah, but he’s supposed to be really good about keeping regular office hours.”
“Huh. Sort of a trade-off, really.”

What do you have to do to get a scholarship?

I can’t believe you called Buer, Great President of Hell, Professor Lionwheel lmfao. 

this whole post

I’M LATE FOR MY FIRST DAY AT DEMON SCHOOL

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                College, Creepy, and Dude: If you don't teach your
 child to obey Jesus, the
 devil will teach them
 evolution, sexuality
 psychology, witchcraft
thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
fire-ghoul:

seekerofshores:

grumpyrpgreviews:

prokopetz:

cheesedeity:

prokopetz:

bear-eggs:

geekandmisandry:

Wow, I had no idea Satan was so knowledgeable and generous with his time.
#TeamSatan

Can satan come teach a class at my school

Amusingly, among the Western European demon-conjuring cults of the 16th Century, many demons were greatly valued for their skill as teachers, often to the point that grimoires would place greater emphasis on the subjects each demon was qualified to teach than on their supernatural powers.
For example, this guy?
Teaches moral philosophy.
And this creepy dude?
He’s your astronomy professor.
Seriously, look this stuff up some time - it’s wild.

I now want a comic or cartoon series about demon teachers and their human students. Not sure if it should be college or high school.

“Aw, man - I got Professor Lionwheel. I hear if you fail his exams, he eats your legs.”
“Yeah, but he’s supposed to be really good about keeping regular office hours.”
“Huh. Sort of a trade-off, really.”

What do you have to do to get a scholarship?

I can’t believe you called Buer, Great President of Hell, Professor Lionwheel lmfao. 

this whole post

I’M LATE FOR MY FIRST DAY AT DEMON SCHOOL

                
            

            
            
thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
fire-ghoul:

seekerofshores:

grumpyrpgreviews:

prokopetz:

cheesedeity:

prokopetz:

bear-eggs:

geekandmisand...

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Pokemon, Target, and Tumblr: cadenceofhyrule:

This is honestly the only way I can accurately describe watching this movie as an adult pokemon fan. 
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Pokemon, Target, and Tumblr: cadenceofhyrule:

This is honestly the only way I can accurately describe watching this movie as an adult pokemon fan. 
                
            

            
            
cadenceofhyrule:

This is honestly the only way I can accurately describe watching this movie as an adult pokemon fan. 

            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        

            

                




    Children, Comfortable, and Family: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 If by 'the Latina thing,' she means I
 actually do the work instead of just talk
 about it, then yeah, I'm doing 'the
 Latina thing.
 Unless of course she's talking about
 being multilingual, which we know isn't
 a 'Latina thing
 It's a '21st century' thing
 Laura Ingraham And Guest Mock 'Anastasio' Ocasio-Cortez For Doi...
 Laura Ingraham and a guest on her prime-time Fox News show mocked Rep
 yahoo.com

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez O
 @AOC
 Following
 "How dare they refuse to say their name
 in a wrong accent & not mangle their
 own family name so that I can feel more
 comfortable instead of look inside
 myself & examine why something as
 small as *a person's name* makes me
 uncomfortable in the first place?? This is
 an outrage!"

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez*
 Following
 @AOC
 By the way: Fox News likes to say my
 name (incorrectly) as "Cortez," which lI
 can only imagine is bc that sounds more
 'stereotypically' Hispanic probably
 incites more anxiety' for them
 Pro Tip:
 My last name is not "Cortez," just as
 theirs isn't "Inara" or "Carl" or "Hann
 ."
 5:51 PM -20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 Following
 @AOC
 My last name is Ocasio-Cortez. Full stop.
 That's my name.
 No, you can't say "Cortez." l've never
 used that in my life. "Cortez" is referring
 to someone else
 Even if they're trying to be rude +
 wrong, my dad's last name was Ocasio
 anyway.
 (His name was hyphenated too, though.)
 6:01 PM 20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 For the curious, in Latinx culture
 children take *both* their parents'
 names.
 It's not a "progressive, new thing." It's
 just how some names work. PR
 hyphenates, others mark differently.
 Your last name: the families that came
 together to make you.
 AOC is also fine though :)
 6:19 PM-20 Mar 2019
imfemalewarrior:

endangered-justice-seeker:

Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly


Getting someone’s name correct is a sign of Respect. 
-FemaleWarrior, She/They 

    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                Children, Comfortable, and Family: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 If by 'the Latina thing,' she means I
 actually do the work instead of just talk
 about it, then yeah, I'm doing 'the
 Latina thing.
 Unless of course she's talking about
 being multilingual, which we know isn't
 a 'Latina thing
 It's a '21st century' thing
 Laura Ingraham And Guest Mock 'Anastasio' Ocasio-Cortez For Doi...
 Laura Ingraham and a guest on her prime-time Fox News show mocked Rep
 yahoo.com

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez O
 @AOC
 Following
 "How dare they refuse to say their name
 in a wrong accent & not mangle their
 own family name so that I can feel more
 comfortable instead of look inside
 myself & examine why something as
 small as *a person's name* makes me
 uncomfortable in the first place?? This is
 an outrage!"

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez*
 Following
 @AOC
 By the way: Fox News likes to say my
 name (incorrectly) as "Cortez," which lI
 can only imagine is bc that sounds more
 'stereotypically' Hispanic probably
 incites more anxiety' for them
 Pro Tip:
 My last name is not "Cortez," just as
 theirs isn't "Inara" or "Carl" or "Hann
 ."
 5:51 PM -20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 Following
 @AOC
 My last name is Ocasio-Cortez. Full stop.
 That's my name.
 No, you can't say "Cortez." l've never
 used that in my life. "Cortez" is referring
 to someone else
 Even if they're trying to be rude +
 wrong, my dad's last name was Ocasio
 anyway.
 (His name was hyphenated too, though.)
 6:01 PM 20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 For the curious, in Latinx culture
 children take *both* their parents'
 names.
 It's not a "progressive, new thing." It's
 just how some names work. PR
 hyphenates, others mark differently.
 Your last name: the families that came
 together to make you.
 AOC is also fine though :)
 6:19 PM-20 Mar 2019
imfemalewarrior:

endangered-justice-seeker:

Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly


Getting someone’s name correct is a sign of Respect. 
-FemaleWarrior, She/They 

                
            

            
            
imfemalewarrior:

endangered-justice-seeker:

Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly


Getting som...