Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day

pics
pics

pics

2018
2018

2018

cat
cat

cat

said
 said

said

Tall Enough
Tall Enough

Tall Enough

Quotes
Quotes

Quotes

Animal
Animal

Animal

humor
humor

humor

Pictures
Pictures

Pictures

🔥 | Latest

Ass, Friends, and Mood: vintar i used to get self-conscious over the smallest things but friends let me tell you that today I had to smuggle a furious 8ft python onto the bus during the school rush and not a singie person noticed. not one. if people don't care enough to notice a shopping bag writhing and seething with barely- contained reptilian hatred then i promise you that no-one will pay any attention to that blemish you're fretting about or how you've done your hair Question, why are you bringing a 8 ft python into a public bus? You know that this reptile can kill anyone inside there? buddy she's a snake not a flying death tentacle snakes are not evil killers out for blood, and length doesnt mean lethality! my biggest guy is 11 ft-ifi have him around my neck, both his face and his tail touch the floor- and even his species struggles to take down anything bigger than a smal-to- medium dog the worst damage that my 8fter is capable of is when she decides to do an impression of ab makes my arm go a bit purpie, and even that's just when i humour her dreams of being big and scary and let her squeeze her hardest before i unwind her like a bratty garden hose ood- pressure cuff and as long as you're not some sort of magical tumbiring rat, you're fine Okay, I gotta ask... 1. Why was she angry? 2. Where were you taking her on the bus? is there a leash-free snake park where you live? I need to know. 1. she's a cranky ass in general, but her mood was absolutely not improved by eating a bit of a snake hook, getting stuffed in a sack, experiencing an hour of adelaide 's finest public transport, and having a vet jam a tube into her stomach 2. i think all of australia is technically a leash-free snake park tbh I am so glad there was follow up on this post explaining why the snake was on the bus!! bratty garden hose"I'm dying All of Australia is a leash-free snake park. buddy she's a snake not a flying death tentacle " Learning this took place in Australia really makes it all make much more sense. A positivity post featuring a very angry snake
Ass, Friends, and Mood: vintar
 i used to get self-conscious over the smallest things but
 friends let me tell you that today I had to smuggle a furious
 8ft python onto the bus during the school rush and not a
 singie person noticed. not one. if people don't care enough
 to notice a shopping bag writhing and seething with barely-
 contained reptilian hatred then i promise you that no-one
 will pay any attention to that blemish you're fretting about
 or how you've done your hair
 Question, why are you bringing a 8 ft python into a public
 bus? You know that this reptile can kill anyone inside there?
 buddy she's a snake not a flying death tentacle
 snakes are not evil killers out for blood, and length doesnt
 mean lethality! my biggest guy is 11 ft-ifi have him around my
 neck, both his face and his tail touch the floor- and even his
 species struggles to take down anything bigger than a smal-to-
 medium dog
 the worst damage that my 8fter is capable of is when she
 decides to do an impression of ab
 makes my arm go a bit purpie, and even that's just when i
 humour her dreams of being big and scary and let her squeeze
 her hardest before i unwind her like a bratty garden hose
 ood-
 pressure cuff and
 as long as you're not some sort of magical tumbiring rat, you're
 fine
 Okay, I gotta ask...
 1. Why was she angry?
 2. Where were you taking her on the bus? is there a leash-free
 snake park where you live?
 I need to know.
 1. she's a cranky ass in general, but her mood was absolutely not
 improved by eating a bit of a snake hook, getting stuffed in a sack,
 experiencing an hour of adelaide 's finest public transport, and having
 a vet jam a tube into her stomach
 2. i think all of australia is technically a leash-free snake park tbh
 I am so glad there was follow up on this post explaining why the snake
 was on the bus!!
 bratty garden hose"I'm dying
 All of Australia is a leash-free snake park.
 buddy she's a snake not a flying death tentacle "
 Learning this took place in Australia really makes it all make much more sense.
A positivity post featuring a very angry snake

A positivity post featuring a very angry snake

America, Children, and Dude: Callie Little Follow Imagine a United States where kids were given fucking food because they're kids. Imagine a United States where a five year old didn't have to step the fuck up and set the bar. By Elizabeth Licata The Daily Meal OCTOBER 17, 2017, 8:10 PM five-year-old girl from Michigan warmed the Internet's collective heart this week when she emptied out her own piggy bank to try to buy milk for a friend who couldn't afford it. Now her story has touched so many people that her whole class will have milk for at least a year. 7.58 A1 Oct 701T retiredvoldemort: thegeektastichedgehog: a-furious-heart: theinevitablestorm: mysharona1987: I mean, great little girl and all. But people understand this is not really a heartwarming story, right? THIS 5 YEAR OLD HAD TO DO WHAT? This is fucking UNTHINKABLE in Scotland. Every child under the age of 8 is entitled to a free school meal, and milk cartons cost about 12p otherwise. In Sweden we get free food until we graduate at the age of 18/19 AND school is completely free, nothing has t be payed for. In America we routinely let children starve but I guess it’s an improvement in the cannibalism in jamestown Dude for the majority of my time in school I couldn’t afford lunch most days. When this happens in elementary and middle school you have to ask the lunch lady for a ‘free meal’ which is just a carton of milk and a sandwich’ (it’s literally two pieces of white bread with one Kraft single between them, sometimes the bread was moldy too but that’s just a normal American public school problem) I usually just decided to go without food instead At my school (secondary school in South England), we pay for our lunch, but if you cant afford it you can get free lunches because, you know, people need food to function and shit.
America, Children, and Dude: Callie Little
 Follow
 Imagine a United States where kids were
 given fucking food because they're kids.
 Imagine a United States where a five year old
 didn't have to step the fuck up and set the
 bar.
 By Elizabeth Licata
 The Daily Meal
 OCTOBER 17, 2017, 8:10 PM
 five-year-old girl from Michigan warmed the Internet's collective heart this
 week when she emptied out her own piggy bank to try to buy milk for a friend
 who couldn't afford it. Now her story has touched so many people that her
 whole class will have milk for at least a year.
 7.58 A1
 Oct 701T
retiredvoldemort:

thegeektastichedgehog:
a-furious-heart:

theinevitablestorm:

mysharona1987:

I mean, great little girl and all.
But people understand this is not really a heartwarming story, right?

THIS 5 YEAR OLD HAD TO DO WHAT?
This is fucking UNTHINKABLE in Scotland. Every child under the age of 8 is entitled to a free school meal, and milk cartons cost about 12p otherwise.


In Sweden we get free food until we graduate at the age of 18/19 AND school is completely free,  nothing has t be payed for.

In America we routinely let children starve but I guess it’s an improvement in the cannibalism in jamestown


Dude for the majority of my time in school I couldn’t afford lunch most days. When this happens in elementary and middle school you have to ask the lunch lady for a ‘free meal’ which is just a carton of milk and a sandwich’ (it’s literally two pieces of white bread with one Kraft single between them, sometimes the bread was moldy too but that’s just a normal American public school problem) I usually just decided to go without food instead

At my school (secondary school in South England), we pay for our lunch, but if you cant afford it you can get free lunches because, you know, people need food to function and shit.

retiredvoldemort: thegeektastichedgehog: a-furious-heart: theinevitablestorm: mysharona1987: I mean, great little girl and all. But peop...

Apparently, Crazy, and Facebook: report-a-predator Anonymous asked crazy-possum-lady is a zoophilia and animal rapist who lives in australia. It's even worse because she works for an animal rescue and has pets. You can find her blog by googling it but you cannnot find it you use the blog search on tumblr. report-a-predator answered Thank You!!l Okay guys Alright so if you guys can report them to the Australian authorities.- mod sparks deuslock: but-call-me-kat: Sorry to break the news, but you did not report the person behind that blog. Instead, you reported me. And I am still suffering the consequences. I did not run that blog. Yes, they used my image. All my pictures from Facebook and Instagram, my statuses, even the captions. And then interspersed them with animal abuse images, fantasies about beastiality, other fucking disgusting sentiments. You people found my Facebook, where I listed my wildlife rescue group. You didn’t think, for a moment, that it was odd that none of these abuse fantasies appeared on Facebook. A girl who was apparently willing to put her face, her location, the names of her family her local fucking vet clinic on her zoophilic Tumblr page, strangely had none of these thoughts on a just-as-public Facebook page. Not one single person thought, “This is a bit odd, maybe I should reach out to this person just to confirm that it’s them.” You people, high on some fantastical idea of justice, called the authorities. And I did not even know about the existence of the blog until the RSPCA showed up on my doorstep one night. THEY, thankfully, had the sense to believe me. As soon as they showed me the page and I broke down in tears, they got the idea. So they told me to go to the police. The police palmed me off to ACORN (a cybercrime body) who dismissed the case because “nobody in the images was under the age of 18.” Meanwhile, Tumblr had taken the page down, only for it to resurface again last year. I then pursued a civil case. Emailed lawyers in my local city. They advised me only to take it to Tumblr, who shut down the page a second time. No further action was taken. I never received another call from wildlife rescue because I was unable to prove that I did not run this disgusting blog. Wildlife is my biggest passion in the world and I may never work in that industry until I can clear my name. So I messaged this page - report-a-predator. They told me to prove it - fair enough. So I sent them EVERYTHING. The screenshots, my emails to ACORN and SAPOL and Tumblr and the lawyers. They did not respond. I emailed them again, begging them to clear my name. They did not respond. I am furious. I am fucking enraged that this post even still exists on their page, because the actions of this so-called “justice group” has directly impacted the life of an innocent person and they will do nothing to acknowledge it. Not even respond to a simple email. Not even take down the incriminating post. I know my blog is tiny, I know nobody follows it, I know this will probably never be seen. But I am not going to be silent. If you’re ever caught up in a whirlwind of pseudo-justice, maybe check the facts first. Oh, look, another example of callous culture ruining people’s fucking lives.
Apparently, Crazy, and Facebook: report-a-predator
 Anonymous asked
 crazy-possum-lady is a zoophilia and animal rapist
 who lives in australia. It's even worse because she
 works for an animal rescue and has pets. You can find
 her blog by googling it but you cannnot find it you use
 the blog search on tumblr.
 report-a-predator answered
 Thank You!!l Okay guys Alright so if you guys can
 report them to the Australian authorities.- mod sparks
deuslock:

but-call-me-kat:

Sorry to break the news, but you did not report the person behind that blog. Instead, you reported me. And I am still suffering the consequences.
I did not run that blog. Yes, they used my image. All my pictures from Facebook and Instagram, my statuses, even the captions. And then interspersed them with animal abuse images, fantasies about beastiality, other fucking disgusting sentiments.
You people found my Facebook, where I listed my wildlife rescue group. You didn’t think, for a moment, that it was odd that none of these abuse fantasies appeared on Facebook. A girl who was apparently willing to put her face, her location, the names of her family her local fucking vet clinic on her zoophilic Tumblr page, strangely had none of these thoughts on a just-as-public Facebook page.
Not one single person thought, “This is a bit odd, maybe I should reach out to this person just to confirm that it’s them.”
You people, high on some fantastical idea of justice, called the authorities. And I did not even know about the existence of the blog until the RSPCA showed up on my doorstep one night.
THEY, thankfully, had the sense to believe me. As soon as they showed me the page and I broke down in tears, they got the idea. So they told me to go to the police. The police palmed me off to ACORN (a cybercrime body) who dismissed the case because “nobody in the images was under the age of 18.”
Meanwhile, Tumblr had taken the page down, only for it to resurface again last year.
I then pursued a civil case. Emailed lawyers in my local city. They advised me only to take it to Tumblr, who shut down the page a second time. No further action was taken.
I never received another call from wildlife rescue because I was unable to prove that I did not run this disgusting blog. Wildlife is my biggest passion in the world and I may never work in that industry until I can clear my name.
So I messaged this page - report-a-predator. They told me to prove it - fair enough. So I sent them EVERYTHING. The screenshots, my emails to ACORN and SAPOL and Tumblr and the lawyers. They did not respond. I emailed them again, begging them to clear my name. They did not respond.
I am furious. I am fucking enraged that this post even still exists on their page, because the actions of this so-called “justice group” has directly impacted the life of an innocent person and they will do nothing to acknowledge it. Not even respond to a simple email. Not even take down the incriminating post.
I know my blog is tiny, I know nobody follows it, I know this will probably never be seen. But I am not going to be silent.
If you’re ever caught up in a whirlwind of pseudo-justice, maybe check the facts first.


Oh, look, another example of callous culture ruining people’s fucking lives.

deuslock: but-call-me-kat: Sorry to break the news, but you did not report the person behind that blog. Instead, you reported me. And I am...

Amp, Fast, and Will: Fast Furious 15. Will it ever end?
Amp, Fast, and Will: Fast  Furious 15. Will it ever end?

Fast Furious 15. Will it ever end?

Homeless, Shit, and Taken: Rally driver admits he has no idea what co-driver is talking about Top British rally driver, Mark Fischer, today found himself at the centre of a storm of controversy after confessing that he had absolutely no idea what his long- term co-driver, Gethyn Davis, was talking about during races It had been assumed that co-drivers were reading pace notes', a series of instructions describing how to negotiate the road layout ahead, but Fischer daims the notes are 'total nonsense' and that he has simply been humouring his co- driver all these years. It's just gibberish, he said. "But the regulations say that there must be two people in the car at all times during the race, and Gethyn was a good mate so l always just took him along for the ride. Davis is reported to be furious at Fischer's statement and maintains that they were equal partners in the team, but Fisher has been quick to dismiss this. Oh, come on,' he said. ‘l mean, ,50 5-left and stop 2-right half minus braking into K-right 90 maybe and absolute crest 500. What the hell am I supposed to make of that when I'm flat out over a jump sideways at 90mph?" This is not the first time Fischer has courted controversy over the role of co-drivers. In 2009, after finding himself without a co-driver for the Jyvaskyla Rally in Finland, he kidnapped a homeless man and forcibly strapped him into the passenger seat to ensure that the two-people-in-each-car rule was complied with. The stunt only came to ight when onboard footage taken during the race revealed that rather than reading the pace notes', the Finnish co-driver was in fact screaming the words 'Oh shit! over and over again, occasionally interspersed with other phrases induding, Watch out for that house' and 'Slow down, you mad bastard'. Meirl
Homeless, Shit, and Taken: Rally driver admits he has no idea what co-driver is talking
 about
 Top British rally driver, Mark Fischer,
 today found himself at the centre of a
 storm of controversy after confessing that
 he had absolutely no idea what his long-
 term co-driver, Gethyn Davis, was talking
 about during races
 It had been assumed that co-drivers were
 reading pace notes', a series of
 instructions describing how to negotiate
 the road layout ahead, but Fischer daims
 the notes are 'total nonsense' and that
 he has simply been humouring his co-
 driver all these years. It's just gibberish,
 he said. "But the regulations say that
 there must be two people in the car at all times during the race, and Gethyn was a good mate so l
 always just took him along for the ride.
 Davis is reported to be furious at Fischer's statement and maintains that they were equal partners in
 the team, but Fisher has been quick to dismiss this.
 Oh, come on,' he said. ‘l mean, ,50 5-left and stop 2-right half minus braking into K-right 90 maybe and
 absolute crest 500. What the hell am I supposed to make of that when I'm flat out over a jump
 sideways at 90mph?"
 This is not the first time Fischer has courted controversy over the role of co-drivers. In 2009, after
 finding himself without a co-driver for the Jyvaskyla Rally in Finland, he kidnapped a homeless man and
 forcibly strapped him into the passenger seat to ensure that the two-people-in-each-car rule was
 complied with. The stunt only came to ight when onboard footage taken during the race revealed that
 rather than reading the pace notes', the Finnish co-driver was in fact screaming the words 'Oh shit!
 over and over again, occasionally interspersed with other phrases induding, Watch out for that house'
 and 'Slow down, you mad bastard'.
Meirl

Meirl

Homeless, Shit, and Taken: Rally driver admits he has no idea what co-driver is talking about Top British rally driver, Mark Fischer, today found himself at the centre of a storm of controversy after confessing that he had absolutely no idea what his long- term co-driver, Gethyn Davis, was talking about during races It had been assumed that co-drivers were reading pace notes', a series of instructions describing how to negotiate the road layout ahead, but Fischer daims the notes are 'total nonsense' and that he has simply been humouring his co- driver all these years. It's just gibberish, he said. "But the regulations say that there must be two people in the car at all times during the race, and Gethyn was a good mate so l always just took him along for the ride. Davis is reported to be furious at Fischer's statement and maintains that they were equal partners in the team, but Fisher has been quick to dismiss this. Oh, come on,' he said. ‘l mean, ,50 5-left and stop 2-right half minus braking into K-right 90 maybe and absolute crest 500. What the hell am I supposed to make of that when I'm flat out over a jump sideways at 90mph?" This is not the first time Fischer has courted controversy over the role of co-drivers. In 2009, after finding himself without a co-driver for the Jyvaskyla Rally in Finland, he kidnapped a homeless man and forcibly strapped him into the passenger seat to ensure that the two-people-in-each-car rule was complied with. The stunt only came to ight when onboard footage taken during the race revealed that rather than reading the pace notes', the Finnish co-driver was in fact screaming the words 'Oh shit! over and over again, occasionally interspersed with other phrases induding, Watch out for that house' and 'Slow down, you mad bastard'. Meirl
Homeless, Shit, and Taken: Rally driver admits he has no idea what co-driver is talking
 about
 Top British rally driver, Mark Fischer,
 today found himself at the centre of a
 storm of controversy after confessing that
 he had absolutely no idea what his long-
 term co-driver, Gethyn Davis, was talking
 about during races
 It had been assumed that co-drivers were
 reading pace notes', a series of
 instructions describing how to negotiate
 the road layout ahead, but Fischer daims
 the notes are 'total nonsense' and that
 he has simply been humouring his co-
 driver all these years. It's just gibberish,
 he said. "But the regulations say that
 there must be two people in the car at all times during the race, and Gethyn was a good mate so l
 always just took him along for the ride.
 Davis is reported to be furious at Fischer's statement and maintains that they were equal partners in
 the team, but Fisher has been quick to dismiss this.
 Oh, come on,' he said. ‘l mean, ,50 5-left and stop 2-right half minus braking into K-right 90 maybe and
 absolute crest 500. What the hell am I supposed to make of that when I'm flat out over a jump
 sideways at 90mph?"
 This is not the first time Fischer has courted controversy over the role of co-drivers. In 2009, after
 finding himself without a co-driver for the Jyvaskyla Rally in Finland, he kidnapped a homeless man and
 forcibly strapped him into the passenger seat to ensure that the two-people-in-each-car rule was
 complied with. The stunt only came to ight when onboard footage taken during the race revealed that
 rather than reading the pace notes', the Finnish co-driver was in fact screaming the words 'Oh shit!
 over and over again, occasionally interspersed with other phrases induding, Watch out for that house'
 and 'Slow down, you mad bastard'.
Meirl

Meirl

Apparently, Bitch, and Children: fez igotcthulhu An Incomplete List of Noteable People T 've Delivered Pizzas TO tybaar It's coming up on a year now since I got my current job as a pizza delivery gir, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the little ever- expanding WTFPIZZZA" note I keep on my cell that helps me remember some of my more, uh-interesting deliveries So without further ado and in no particular order, here's some pizza customers who left a lasting impression on me thus far -A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash. - A woman who sipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoro removal clinic, explaining In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be. - At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice. -An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pear-handled.32 snub nosed revolver and asked if I knew how to load it (1 do) and also, if I could load it for her (1 didn't). A group of EMT's hanging out in the back of an ambulance at a recenty extinguished (but still smouldering) house fire. -A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was "obstructing the mail system and demanded my social security number so he could report me to the proper authorities A group of young teenage gils (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them. - A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dressed as Professor McGonagall from the Hamy Potter films, who were also completely wasted on Jello shots. They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them. A 20-something dude who answered the door with an unsheathed katana dangling through a belt loop on his jeans Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (bitch get your own dealer sheesh) -A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the "spitting image" of his deceased daughter. A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote get a real car in the tip portion of my credit receipt. - A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us. He did the duck lips thing in every shot Multiple prank deliveries (joke's on you motherfucker, I get paid for the gas AND I eat the pizzas you ordered) An elderly man who wrote FUCK OFF as his signature on a credit receipt -A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he works so hard". He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldn't do anything. - A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks+ sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door. Multiple knockings were of no avail A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I'm female. She proceeded to snatch my drivers icense out of my hand, run back into her house and show it to her children while pointing back at me. - A kid no older than 14 who desperately tried to convince me to play WoW on the free custom server he was playing on. (But it has double XPI) - A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose. He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully HIS copy of the receipt -An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and puling me over to get his pizza. A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote 0.00" in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents and handed it to me. It said pizza tip" in the For section - A furious lady who yelled at me for a solid five minutes (1 kept track) all about how long it took for her delivery to get to her. She then tipped me an extra ten bucks on a six dollar order. I dunno. An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober. When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked temified, sat down on the Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis -A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately tuned to vomit into her mailbox. -A surty Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a full-grown woman. - A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color. I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves-everywhere. -A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add. - A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was blaring Regina Spektor so loud and with so much bass I actually couldnt hear anything he was saying. -An elderty guy who deadpan asked me if I knew anyone who could score him hollowpoint bullets. - An adorable older lesbian couple who were mortified that they didnt have any extra money for a tip, so they gave me a big sack of pistachios instead. It took me three weeks to finish the bag. this was so worth reading Source: tybaar #story time aths is.. 219,895 notes realy cool actualy That was a rollercoaster of emotionsomg-humor.tumblr.com
Apparently, Bitch, and Children: fez igotcthulhu
 An Incomplete List of Noteable
 People T 've Delivered Pizzas TO
 tybaar
 It's coming up on a year now since I got my current job as a pizza delivery
 gir, and I thought this would be a good time to delve into the little ever-
 expanding WTFPIZZZA" note I keep on my cell that helps me remember
 some of my more, uh-interesting deliveries
 So without further ado and in no particular order, here's some pizza
 customers who left a lasting impression on me thus far
 -A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into
 a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash.
 - A woman who sipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoro
 removal clinic, explaining In case you want to bring your mutilated skin
 back to how God intended it to be.
 - At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice.
 -An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather
 classy) pear-handled.32 snub nosed revolver and asked if I knew how to
 load it (1 do) and also, if I could load it for her (1 didn't).
 A group of EMT's hanging out in the back of an ambulance at a recenty
 extinguished (but still smouldering) house fire.
 -A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in
 front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then
 explained how this was a federal offense because I was "obstructing the
 mail system and demanded my social security number so he could report
 me to the proper authorities
 A group of young teenage gils (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a
 case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them.
 - A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dressed as Professor
 McGonagall from the Hamy Potter films, who were also completely wasted
 on Jello shots. They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them.
 A 20-something dude who answered the door with an unsheathed
 katana dangling through a belt loop on his jeans
 Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (bitch get
 your own dealer sheesh)
 -A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently
 was the "spitting image" of his deceased daughter.
 A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote get a
 real car in the tip portion of my credit receipt.
 - A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of
 Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us. He did the duck lips thing in
 every shot
 Multiple prank deliveries (joke's on you motherfucker, I get paid for the
 gas AND I eat the pizzas you ordered)
 An elderly man who wrote FUCK OFF as his signature on a credit
 receipt
 -A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he
 works so hard". He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I
 couldn't do anything.
 - A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks+ sandals (indoors) who
 straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying
 and shut the door. Multiple knockings were of no avail
 A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to
 believe my claims that I'm female. She proceeded to snatch my drivers
 icense out of my hand, run back into her house and show it to her
 children while pointing back at me.
 - A kid no older than 14 who desperately tried to convince me to play
 WoW on the free custom server he was playing on. (But it has double
 XPI)
 - A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively
 large) booger out of his nose. He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully
 HIS copy of the receipt
 -An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road
 before I got to the police station and puling me over to get his pizza.
 A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt,
 specifically wrote 0.00" in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a
 check for seventy-eight cents and handed it to me. It said pizza tip" in the
 For section
 - A furious lady who yelled at me for a solid five minutes (1 kept track) all
 about how long it took for her delivery to get to her. She then tipped me
 an extra ten bucks on a six dollar order. I dunno.
 An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober. When I
 complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and
 asked where he got it, he immediately looked temified, sat down on the
 Obligatory naked man with unimpressive penis
 -A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately tuned
 to vomit into her mailbox.
 -A surty Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving
 birth to a full-grown woman.
 - A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated
 community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what
 appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color. I only got a
 quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display
 racks, tables, shelves-everywhere.
 -A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original
 Pokemon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add.
 - A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was blaring
 Regina Spektor so loud and with so much bass I actually couldnt hear
 anything he was saying.
 -An elderty guy who deadpan asked me if I knew anyone who could
 score him hollowpoint bullets.
 - An adorable older lesbian couple who were mortified that they didnt
 have any extra money for a tip, so they gave me a big sack of pistachios
 instead. It took me three weeks to finish the bag.
 this was so worth reading
 Source: tybaar #story time aths is..
 219,895 notes
 realy cool actualy
That was a rollercoaster of emotionsomg-humor.tumblr.com

That was a rollercoaster of emotionsomg-humor.tumblr.com