Damn, they expensive. And fuckin' crazy.
Funny
Funny

Funny

Memes Funny
Memes Funny

Memes Funny

quickmeme
quickmeme

quickmeme

Childrens Ministry
Childrens Ministry

Childrens Ministry

Mom
Mom

Mom

middle child
 middle child

middle child

toddler
toddler

toddler

Wishmeme
Wishmeme

Wishmeme

God No
God No

God No

For Her
For Her

For Her

🔥 | Latest

Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:

minority-cubed:

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes


The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates

I can feel the frustration

feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a...

Advice, Af, and Beautiful: About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking for my conditioner because today is wash day for my hair. As I'm looking for my product, this older white lady approaches me and she says, "Excuse me, miss. Please don't be offended by this." And usually when white people tell me not to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they are about to say is going to be offensive af Anyway, she follows it up with, "My husband and I just recently won our custody battle with our foster daughter and she means the world to us. She's a beautiful African American girl and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I'm afraid because I don't know what to do with her hair It's a lot different from mines and our other children and we are at a total loss. l've tried looking up the YouTube videos and my husband went to the braiding shops so they can teach him how to properly braid her hair, but he's still pretty new and it will be a while before he gets used to it. Do you have any tips you can give me? If you don't have the time, it's okay, really! I just needed a little advice because I want her to look beautiful." Y'all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking to her and what products to use and how to properly detangle and comb her hair with the proper tools and what not to do with natural hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to fol- low natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube account for her so she could save it for later.) but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that she listened to every single thing I had to say and she took little notes on her little notepad. And what really filled my heart was the fact that her husband actually taking classes from African braiding shops. And she showed me a picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful black women showing him how to braid black hair and even the lady he's braiding on is guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old white people and their black daughter who l know have new loving parents because they are willing to step out of their comfort zone just to make her feel and look beautiful. This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!
Advice, Af, and Beautiful: About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking
 for my conditioner because today is wash day
 for my hair. As I'm looking for my product, this
 older white lady approaches me and she says,
 "Excuse me, miss. Please don't be offended by
 this." And usually when white people tell me not
 to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they
 are about to say is going to be offensive af
 Anyway, she follows it up with, "My husband
 and I just recently won our custody battle with
 our foster daughter and she means the world
 to us. She's a beautiful African American girl
 and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I'm afraid
 because I don't know what to do with her hair
 It's a lot different from mines and our other
 children and we are at a total loss. l've tried
 looking up the YouTube videos and my husband
 went to the braiding shops so they can teach
 him how to properly braid her hair, but he's still
 pretty new and it will be a while before he gets
 used to it. Do you have any tips you can give
 me? If you don't have the time, it's okay, really! I
 just needed a little advice because I want her to
 look beautiful."
 Y'all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So
 for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking
 to her and what products to use and how to
 properly detangle and comb her hair with the
 proper tools and what not to do with natural
 hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to fol-
 low natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved
 them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube
 account for her so she could save it for later.)
 but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that
 she listened to every single thing I had to say
 and she took little notes on her little notepad.
 And what really filled my heart was the fact
 that her husband actually taking classes from
 African braiding shops. And she showed me a
 picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and
 loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful
 black women showing him how to braid black
 hair and even the lady he's braiding on is
 guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old
 white people and their black daughter who l
 know have new loving parents because they are
 willing to step out of their comfort zone just to
 make her feel and look beautiful.
This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!

This is a little long but TOTALLY worth the read!

Animals, Children, and Clothes: To the person who uses metal straws to save fish but consumes animals, I'd like to say thank you. To the vegan who isn't aware of our homelessness problem, thank you. To the climate change activists who aren't attentive to fast fashion, thank you. To the girl who gives her old clothes to the disadvantaged but isn't educated on sex trafficking, thank you. To the guy who picks up rubbish on his way home from a surf but isn't well-informed about male suicide rates, thank you. To the people who stand up for horse racing concerns but are uninformed of the cruelty of the dairy industry, thank you. To the positive Instagram influencer who hasn't cultivated a plastic-free lifestyle, thank you. To the grandparents who knit for sick children but aren't up to date with current race and homophobic issues, thank you. To the students that stand up for bullying but are unaware of the constant domestic violence epidemic, thank you. To the peace activists, feminists, stray dog adopters, teachers, volunteers, foster carers, recyclers, givers, doers and believers, I say thank you. We are all on a different path and we all see through different eyes. Current world issues that you are passionate about, aren't always what other people are trying to change... and that's okay. It's not everyone's job to save every part of the world but it is everyone's responsibility to thank every person who is doing THEIR part to save the world. Don't critic, just appreciate. Don't judge, just educate. We're all trying our best. Thank vou. To everyone doing their small part, thank you
Animals, Children, and Clothes: To the person who uses metal straws to save fish but
 consumes animals, I'd like to say thank you. To the vegan
 who isn't aware of our homelessness problem, thank you. To
 the climate change activists who aren't attentive to fast
 fashion, thank you. To the girl who gives her old clothes to
 the disadvantaged but isn't educated on sex trafficking,
 thank you. To the guy who picks up rubbish on his way
 home from a surf but isn't well-informed about male suicide
 rates, thank you. To the people who stand up for horse
 racing concerns but are uninformed of the cruelty of the
 dairy industry, thank you. To the positive Instagram
 influencer who hasn't cultivated a plastic-free lifestyle,
 thank you. To the grandparents who knit for sick children
 but aren't up to date with current race and homophobic
 issues, thank you. To the students that stand up for bullying
 but are unaware of the constant domestic violence
 epidemic, thank you. To the peace activists, feminists, stray
 dog adopters, teachers, volunteers, foster carers, recyclers,
 givers, doers and believers, I say thank you. We are all on a
 different path and we all see through different eyes. Current
 world issues that you are passionate about, aren't always
 what other people are trying to change... and that's okay. It's
 not everyone's job to save every part of the world but it is
 everyone's responsibility to thank every person who is doing
 THEIR part to save the world. Don't critic, just appreciate.
 Don't judge, just educate. We're all trying our best. Thank
 vou.
To everyone doing their small part, thank you

To everyone doing their small part, thank you

Children, Comfortable, and Family: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC Following If by 'the Latina thing,' she means I actually do the work instead of just talk about it, then yeah, I'm doing 'the Latina thing. Unless of course she's talking about being multilingual, which we know isn't a 'Latina thing It's a '21st century' thing Laura Ingraham And Guest Mock 'Anastasio' Ocasio-Cortez For Doi... Laura Ingraham and a guest on her prime-time Fox News show mocked Rep yahoo.com Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez O @AOC Following "How dare they refuse to say their name in a wrong accent & not mangle their own family name so that I can feel more comfortable instead of look inside myself & examine why something as small as *a person's name* makes me uncomfortable in the first place?? This is an outrage!" Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez* Following @AOC By the way: Fox News likes to say my name (incorrectly) as "Cortez," which lI can only imagine is bc that sounds more 'stereotypically' Hispanic probably incites more anxiety' for them Pro Tip: My last name is not "Cortez," just as theirs isn't "Inara" or "Carl" or "Hann ." 5:51 PM -20 Mar 2019 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Following @AOC My last name is Ocasio-Cortez. Full stop. That's my name. No, you can't say "Cortez." l've never used that in my life. "Cortez" is referring to someone else Even if they're trying to be rude + wrong, my dad's last name was Ocasio anyway. (His name was hyphenated too, though.) 6:01 PM 20 Mar 2019 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC Following For the curious, in Latinx culture children take *both* their parents' names. It's not a "progressive, new thing." It's just how some names work. PR hyphenates, others mark differently. Your last name: the families that came together to make you. AOC is also fine though :) 6:19 PM-20 Mar 2019 imfemalewarrior: endangered-justice-seeker: Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly Getting someone’s name correct is a sign of Respect.  -FemaleWarrior, She/They 
Children, Comfortable, and Family: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 If by 'the Latina thing,' she means I
 actually do the work instead of just talk
 about it, then yeah, I'm doing 'the
 Latina thing.
 Unless of course she's talking about
 being multilingual, which we know isn't
 a 'Latina thing
 It's a '21st century' thing
 Laura Ingraham And Guest Mock 'Anastasio' Ocasio-Cortez For Doi...
 Laura Ingraham and a guest on her prime-time Fox News show mocked Rep
 yahoo.com

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez O
 @AOC
 Following
 "How dare they refuse to say their name
 in a wrong accent & not mangle their
 own family name so that I can feel more
 comfortable instead of look inside
 myself & examine why something as
 small as *a person's name* makes me
 uncomfortable in the first place?? This is
 an outrage!"

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez*
 Following
 @AOC
 By the way: Fox News likes to say my
 name (incorrectly) as "Cortez," which lI
 can only imagine is bc that sounds more
 'stereotypically' Hispanic probably
 incites more anxiety' for them
 Pro Tip:
 My last name is not "Cortez," just as
 theirs isn't "Inara" or "Carl" or "Hann
 ."
 5:51 PM -20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 Following
 @AOC
 My last name is Ocasio-Cortez. Full stop.
 That's my name.
 No, you can't say "Cortez." l've never
 used that in my life. "Cortez" is referring
 to someone else
 Even if they're trying to be rude +
 wrong, my dad's last name was Ocasio
 anyway.
 (His name was hyphenated too, though.)
 6:01 PM 20 Mar 2019

 Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
 @AOC
 Following
 For the curious, in Latinx culture
 children take *both* their parents'
 names.
 It's not a "progressive, new thing." It's
 just how some names work. PR
 hyphenates, others mark differently.
 Your last name: the families that came
 together to make you.
 AOC is also fine though :)
 6:19 PM-20 Mar 2019
imfemalewarrior:

endangered-justice-seeker:

Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly


Getting someone’s name correct is a sign of Respect. 
-FemaleWarrior, She/They 

imfemalewarrior: endangered-justice-seeker: Some pundits dislike it when people of color pronounce their own names correctly Getting som...

Being Alone, Children, and Friends: Tweet t1 DickMonger Retweeted Slim Dollars @SlimDollars some people wasnt raised. they was tolerated.. sat in front of a tv and given chicken nuggets and capri suns they whole childhood... we gotta really be mindful of that 4/2/18, 7:59 AM 2,085 Retweets 3,100 Likes smitethepatriarchy: bpdcalvinfischoeder: zakbaganses: jazzisback: sauvamente: Okay but how is this our problem? What’s the context? Thank you, like what does this have to do with me? I’m supposed to be considerate of what here, a lack of socialization? You’re supposed to be aware that some people were raised to be tolerated and that transfers into their adult life. Always being alone as a child doesn’t help you grow into a social adult. It leads you to be friends with people you believe are your friends but are only tolerating you. It leads you to believe that the people who love you and are around you are only tolerating you because you’re around. It feels scary to ask people for anything because you’re afraid they’ll give you what you want only to get you away from them. It makes you feel unlovable, unsocial, and intolerable to the people you love and should know, love you. This is also something that tends to happen to children of resentment; kids who were born to parents who had kids because they were expected to, or any other reason besides wanting kids unconditionally. It’s a very lonely, loveless childhood. It’s a childhood full of you trying to tell your parents about problems and they brush you off, or wanting to talk about something you like and you get “thats nice honey but could you -insert excuse to get you away from them-” You constantly second guess peoples motives. You don’t believe anyone could genuinely want to help you. You see yourself as a bother. You don’t trust people when they do nice things for you because you think theyre just trying to placate you and make you go away. Everyone is only doing nice things for you to be polite, not because theyre a nice person or they care about you. And usually this kind of childhood is accompanied by emotional abuse. Your parents tolerate you, but they would really rather you not be around. And kids aren’t stupid. They know. And it hurts them. It hurt me so much. You grow up believing no one would ever actually love you. Some people really just don’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves to the point that they get offended when you ask them to be aware that many individuals had shitty childhoods.
Being Alone, Children, and Friends: Tweet
 t1 DickMonger Retweeted
 Slim Dollars
 @SlimDollars
 some people wasnt raised. they was
 tolerated.. sat in front of a tv and given
 chicken nuggets and capri suns they
 whole childhood... we gotta really be
 mindful of that
 4/2/18, 7:59 AM
 2,085 Retweets 3,100 Likes
smitethepatriarchy:

bpdcalvinfischoeder:

zakbaganses:

jazzisback:


sauvamente:
Okay but how is this our problem? What’s the context?
Thank you, like what does this have to do with me? I’m supposed to be considerate of what here, a lack of socialization?


You’re supposed to be aware that some people were raised to be tolerated and that transfers into their adult life. Always being alone as a child doesn’t help you grow into a social adult. It leads you to be friends with people you believe are your friends but are only tolerating you. It leads you to believe that the people who love you and are around you are only tolerating you because you’re around. It feels scary to ask people for anything because you’re afraid they’ll give you what you want only to get you away from them. It makes you feel unlovable, unsocial, and intolerable to the people you love and should know, love you.


This is also something that tends to happen to children of resentment; kids who were born to parents who had kids because they were expected to, or any other reason besides wanting kids unconditionally. 
It’s a very lonely, loveless childhood. It’s a childhood full of you trying to tell your parents about problems and they brush you off, or wanting to talk about something you like and you get “thats nice honey but could you -insert excuse to get you away from them-”
You constantly second guess peoples motives. You don’t believe anyone could genuinely want to help you. You see yourself as a bother. You don’t trust people when they do nice things for you because you think theyre just trying to placate you and make you go away. Everyone is only doing nice things for you to be polite, not because theyre a nice person or they care about you.
And usually this kind of childhood is accompanied by emotional abuse. Your parents tolerate you, but they would really rather you not be around. And kids aren’t stupid. They know. And it hurts them. It hurt me so much. 

You grow up believing no one would ever actually love you.


Some people really just don’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves to the point that they get offended when you ask them to be aware that many individuals had shitty childhoods.

smitethepatriarchy: bpdcalvinfischoeder: zakbaganses: jazzisback: sauvamente: Okay but how is this our problem? What’s the context? Tha...