Trumped
Trumped

Trumped

One Time
One Time

One Time

A Little
A Little

A Little

Fiending
Fiending

Fiending

My Quarterback
My Quarterback

My Quarterback

Michel
Michel

Michel

Died
Died

Died

A Good
A Good

A Good

The
The

The

So Serious
So Serious

So Serious

🔥 | Latest

Bodies , Bored, and Dad: aRARE daddysbuterfly: pomegranateandivy: canisfamiliaris: gamzees-hole: razzretina: sarahsellaphix: officialgarrusvakarian: we-are-star-stuff: zerostatereflex: An Octopus unscrewing a lid from the inside. Octopuses are going to kill us all someday I had a biology teacher that told us this story about an octopus at an aquarium in Australia. The staff were concerned because their population of crustaceans kept disappearing. No bodies or anything. So they checked the video feed to find out what’s up. Across from the the crustacean tank was a small octopus tank. This little fucker squeezed out of a tiny hole at the top of his tank, walk across the hall, and get into the crustacean tank. He would then hunt and eat. After he was done, he crawled back out and get back in his tank Here’s the kicker: security guards patrolled the area. The staff realized that the octopus had memorized the security’s routine. It would escape and be back between the guards’ round. My friend who worked at Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska had a similar story.  Rare fish were disappearing, they suspected theft, and so set up a camera. An octopus was unlocking the top of its tank, walking across the suspended walkway, unlocking the other tank, eating his fill, re-locking the other tank, then re-locking its own tank. I can’t remember what zoo this happened at, but there was another octopus somewhere who was unscrewing a water valve in the room where its tank was located and routinely flooding the place. The staffers had no idea what it was until they filmed the octopus caught in the act. RELEASE THE KRAKEN!! But, sir, it has already released itself! Octopus Steals Video Camera, Films Own Escape Octopus Escapes from Tank to Prowl on its Neighbors Octopus Escape — 600-pound (272-kilogram) octopus wriggles through a passageway the size of a quarter Legging It: Evasive Octopus Has Been Allowed to Look for Love Octopus Escapes through Small Hole in Ship My dad worked in a lab and one of the rooms had a tank with an octopus in it. If they didn’t go play with the octopus he got bored and would climb out of his tank and steal the paperwork off the desks, and drag stuff into his tank to let the scientists know he was upset with them. 😳😳😳
Bodies , Bored, and Dad: aRARE
daddysbuterfly:

pomegranateandivy:

canisfamiliaris:

gamzees-hole:

razzretina:

sarahsellaphix:

officialgarrusvakarian:

we-are-star-stuff:

zerostatereflex:

An Octopus unscrewing a lid from the inside.

Octopuses are going to kill us all someday

I had a biology teacher that told us this story about an octopus at an aquarium in Australia. The staff were concerned because their population of crustaceans kept disappearing. No bodies or anything. So they checked the video feed to find out what’s up.
Across from the the crustacean tank was a small octopus tank. This little fucker squeezed out of a tiny hole at the top of his tank, walk across the hall, and get into the crustacean tank. He would then hunt and eat. After he was done, he crawled back out and get back in his tank
Here’s the kicker: security guards patrolled the area. The staff realized that the octopus had memorized the security’s routine. It would escape and be back between the guards’ round.

My friend who worked at Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska had a similar story.  Rare fish were disappearing, they suspected theft, and so set up a camera. An octopus was unlocking the top of its tank, walking across the suspended walkway, unlocking the other tank, eating his fill, re-locking the other tank, then re-locking its own tank.

I can’t remember what zoo this happened at, but there was another octopus somewhere who was unscrewing a water valve in the room where its tank was located and routinely flooding the place. The staffers had no idea what it was until they filmed the octopus caught in the act.

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!! But, sir, it has already released itself!

Octopus Steals Video Camera, Films Own Escape
Octopus Escapes from Tank to Prowl on its Neighbors
Octopus Escape — 600-pound (272-kilogram) octopus wriggles through a passageway the size of a quarter
Legging It: Evasive Octopus Has Been Allowed to Look for Love
Octopus Escapes through Small Hole in Ship

My dad worked in a lab and one of the rooms had a tank with an octopus in it. If they didn’t go play with the octopus he got bored and would climb out of his tank and steal the paperwork off the desks, and drag stuff into his tank to let the scientists know he was upset with them.


😳😳😳

daddysbuterfly: pomegranateandivy: canisfamiliaris: gamzees-hole: razzretina: sarahsellaphix: officialgarrusvakarian: we-are-star-stu...

Advice, Ass, and Dogs: laughhard More Web Videos Shopping Search tools Images News About 451,000 results (0.93 seconds) Showing results for i accidentally stepped on my dog's foot does he understand that it was an accident???? like i said sorry but mean does he know calleo Yes, if you react in a way similar to how another dog would react to accidentally harming a play mate or a pack mate. That's why, when dogs are playing (especially noticeable in puppies, as they're still learning bite inhibition), and one dog yelps loudly and sharply, like a dog does if you step on its paw or tail, if you react by immediately jumping back, not doing the thing again, and giving friendly, appeasing gestures (nice petting, scratching, chin scratching, etc...or if you were another dog, submissive gestures, muzzle licking, things that say 'nono sorry! I'm not a threat to you!") the dog does, in fact, realize that you weren't attacking or trying to be mean and that it was accidental. ear That's also why advice to puppy owners or owners trying to retrain a dog that was never taught to not bite during play are advised to yelp like a hurt dog if their puppy/dog gets too rough and immediately stop play and turn away, because that's a clear signal to the dog that they hurt you and you're upset now. Most dogs will immediately 'apologize' in dog language for that as, especially if it was during play, their intent wasn't to hurt anyone, just to have fun. They'll also tend to react that way if you yelp if they step on you. I know I've yelped at Bear a few times because his big 105lb ass is HEAVY and does not feel nice on a foot. plasticseeds Woah the reverse tactic Wow thefingerfuckingfemalefury glad that there is a way I can communicate an apology to a doggo if I accidentally step on their paw... because the only alternative would be exiling myself to the arctic to escape my shame This is SO IMPORTANT I am so luchadorgengar Can confirm this works btw, I used this info to train (ask) my dog to stop biting (she used to bite very hard with her very sharp teeth)
Advice, Ass, and Dogs: laughhard
 More
 Web
 Videos
 Shopping
 Search tools
 Images
 News
 About 451,000 results (0.93 seconds)
 Showing results for i accidentally stepped on my dog's foot does
 he understand that it was an accident???? like i said sorry but
 mean does he know
 calleo
 Yes, if you react in a way similar to how another
 dog would react to accidentally harming a play
 mate or a pack mate.
 That's why, when dogs are playing (especially
 noticeable in puppies, as they're still learning
 bite inhibition), and one dog yelps loudly and
 sharply, like a dog does if you step on its paw
 or tail, if you react by immediately jumping
 back, not doing the thing again, and giving
 friendly, appeasing gestures (nice petting,
 scratching, chin scratching, etc...or if you were
 another dog, submissive gestures, muzzle
 licking, things that say 'nono sorry! I'm not a
 threat to you!") the dog does, in fact, realize
 that you weren't attacking or trying to be mean
 and that it was accidental.
 ear
 That's also why advice to puppy owners or
 owners trying to retrain a dog that was never
 taught to not bite during play are advised to
 yelp like a hurt dog if their puppy/dog gets too
 rough and immediately stop play and turn away,
 because that's a clear signal to the dog that
 they hurt you and you're upset now.
 Most dogs will immediately 'apologize' in dog
 language for that as, especially if it was during
 play, their intent wasn't to hurt anyone, just to
 have fun. They'll also tend to react that way if
 you yelp if they step on you. I know I've yelped
 at Bear a few times because his big 105lb ass is
 HEAVY and does not feel nice on a foot.
 plasticseeds
 Woah the reverse tactic Wow
 thefingerfuckingfemalefury
 glad that there
 is a way I can communicate an apology to a
 doggo if I accidentally step on their paw...
 because the only alternative would be exiling
 myself to the arctic to escape my shame
 This is SO IMPORTANT I am so
 luchadorgengar
 Can confirm this works btw, I used this info to
 train (ask) my dog to stop biting (she used to
 bite very hard with her very sharp teeth)

Being Alone, Bitch, and Books: 42,121 shouldnt.you-be.in.the-kitchen thatawkwardasian chimmychangaroo some kid at school today forgot the word pepperoni so he called them meat sprinkles Source: chimmychangaroo shouldnt-you be.in-the-kitchen thatawkwardasian 6,341 g-wretch I just remembered that one time I was high and referred to Hamlet as "The Fresh Prince of Denmark Source: g-wretch danglingthpider yayimontheinternet 203,319 dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick: mrcraabs imagine if you could screenshot real life camera that thing you're talking about is a camera Source: mrcraabs wherehavemysocksgone comesingoodtime 37,984 mychemicalromanceboner Last night I forgot what milk was called so I called it Cereal water CEREAL WATER Source: iwasateenagewho captainrat twigtea 113,464 chuckle-voodoos aranyeha there should be feelings hookers like you hire one to come to your house and they sit there for an hour and listen to you cry about your life then afterwards you pay them 100 bucks and you never see each other again how perfect would that be that's a therapist that's the thing you just described Source: rosekan steampoweredmusic youjustblinkedandaweepingangel 13,417 belle-ofthe-boulevard today i forgot the name for cauliflower so i called it albino broccoli Source: belle-ofthe-boulev hulksmashmouth 101,851 21st-century-son-ofa-bitch iphysianthe my mom's argument against piracy is "well what if you wrote a book and one person bought it and then hundreds of people got to read it for free and you didn't make any money!" MOTHER YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED LIBRARIES Source: fillette-revolutionn #queue wouldn't like me when I'm angry 123,219 Llike.your.booty iwasso-alone-iowe.you.so-much beellette: dad just said "there should be a netflix for books" five minutes later he shouted "THE LIBRARY Source: ghoulium caraknightley slett 3,159 tupacabra rabioheab: imagine if worms had legs centipedes Source: rabioheab -moriarty joeshmo shavingryansprivates: romeo romeo where the fuck is you, romeo Fuck you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is "Wherefore art thou" And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of fucking asshole, you'd know that wherefore does NOT FUCKING MEAN "WHERE", WHEREFORE MEANS "WHY SHE'S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. FUCK ALL OF YOU FUCK ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS TITS. romeo romeo why the fuck is you romeo More like this at FUNSubstance.com About the library piracy thing: Libraries pay the author to stock the books, just like bookstores.
Being Alone, Bitch, and Books: 42,121
 shouldnt.you-be.in.the-kitchen
 thatawkwardasian
 chimmychangaroo
 some kid at school today forgot the word pepperoni so he called them
 meat sprinkles
 Source: chimmychangaroo
 shouldnt-you be.in-the-kitchen
 thatawkwardasian
 6,341
 g-wretch
 I just remembered that one time I was high and referred to Hamlet as "The
 Fresh Prince of Denmark
 Source: g-wretch
 danglingthpider yayimontheinternet
 203,319
 dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick:
 mrcraabs
 imagine if you could screenshot real life
 camera
 that thing you're talking about is a camera
 Source: mrcraabs
 wherehavemysocksgone
 comesingoodtime
 37,984
 mychemicalromanceboner
 Last night I forgot what milk was called so I called it
 Cereal water
 CEREAL WATER
 Source: iwasateenagewho
 captainrat twigtea
 113,464
 chuckle-voodoos
 aranyeha
 there should be feelings hookers
 like you hire one to come to your house and they sit there for an hour
 and listen to you cry about your life then afterwards you pay them 100
 bucks and you never see each other again how perfect would that be
 that's a therapist
 that's the thing you just described
 Source: rosekan
 steampoweredmusic
 youjustblinkedandaweepingangel
 13,417
 belle-ofthe-boulevard
 today i forgot the name for cauliflower so i called it albino broccoli
 Source: belle-ofthe-boulev
 hulksmashmouth
 101,851
 21st-century-son-ofa-bitch
 iphysianthe
 my mom's argument against piracy is "well what if you wrote a book and
 one person bought it and then hundreds of people got to read it for free
 and you didn't make any money!"
 MOTHER YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED
 LIBRARIES
 Source: fillette-revolutionn
 #queue wouldn't like me when I'm angry
 123,219
 Llike.your.booty
 iwasso-alone-iowe.you.so-much
 beellette:
 dad just said "there should be a netflix for books"
 five minutes later he shouted "THE LIBRARY
 Source: ghoulium
 caraknightley slett
 3,159
 tupacabra
 rabioheab:
 imagine if worms had legs
 centipedes
 Source: rabioheab
 -moriarty
 joeshmo
 shavingryansprivates:
 romeo romeo
 where the fuck is you, romeo
 Fuck you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is "Wherefore art thou"
 And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of fucking
 asshole, you'd know that wherefore does NOT FUCKING MEAN
 "WHERE", WHEREFORE MEANS "WHY
 SHE'S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. FUCK ALL OF YOU
 FUCK ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY
 SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS TITS.
 romeo romeo
 why the fuck is you romeo
 More like this at FUNSubstance.com
About the library piracy thing: Libraries pay the author to stock the books, just like bookstores.

About the library piracy thing: Libraries pay the author to stock the books, just like bookstores.

Bad, Batman, and Joker: Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Batman movies and then asked it to write a Batman movie of its own. Here is the first page. BATMAN INT. TRADITIONAL BATCAVE BATMAN stands next to his batmobile and uses his batcomputer He's sometimes Bruce Wayne sometimes Batman. Alltimes orphan BATMAN This is now a safe city. I have punched a penguin into prison ALFRED, Batman's loyal batler, carries a tray of goth ham ALFRED Eat a dinner, Mattress Wayne An explosion explodes. THE JOKER and TWO-FACE enter the cave Joker is a clown but insane. Two-Face is a man but attorney BATMAN No! It is Two-Face and One-Face. a bat They hate me for being Batman throws Alfred at Two-Face. Two-Face flips Alfred like a coin. Alfred lands heads up which means Two-Face goes home BATMAN (CONT'D) It is just you and I, the Joker. Bat versus clown. Moral enemies THE JOKER I am such a freak. Society is bad You drink water, I drink anarchy ΒΑTMAΝ I drink bats just like a bat would! Batman looks around for his parents, but they are still dead This makes him have anger. He fires a batrocket. The Joker deflects it with his sick sense of humor. A clOwnly power THE JOKER I have never followed a rule. That is my rule. Do you follow? I don't BATMAN Alfred, give birth to Robin Alfred begins the process since it is his job. The Joker now has a present in his hand. He juggles it over to Batman THE JOKER Happy batday, Birthman Batman opens the present since he's a good guy. It contains a coupon for new parents, but is expired. This is a Joker joke
Bad, Batman, and Joker: Keaton Patti
 @KeatonPatti
 I forced a bot to watch over 1,000
 hours of Batman movies and then
 asked it to write a Batman movie of
 its own. Here is the first page.
 BATMAN
 INT. TRADITIONAL BATCAVE
 BATMAN stands next to his batmobile and uses his batcomputer
 He's sometimes Bruce Wayne sometimes Batman. Alltimes orphan
 BATMAN
 This is now a safe city. I have
 punched a penguin into prison
 ALFRED, Batman's loyal batler, carries a tray of goth ham
 ALFRED
 Eat a dinner, Mattress Wayne
 An explosion explodes. THE JOKER and TWO-FACE enter the cave
 Joker is a clown but insane. Two-Face is a man but attorney
 BATMAN
 No! It is Two-Face and One-Face.
 a bat
 They hate me for being
 Batman throws Alfred at Two-Face. Two-Face flips Alfred like
 a coin. Alfred lands heads up which means Two-Face goes home
 BATMAN (CONT'D)
 It is just you and I, the Joker.
 Bat versus clown. Moral enemies
 THE JOKER
 I am such a freak. Society is bad
 You drink water, I drink anarchy
 ΒΑTMAΝ
 I drink bats just like a bat would!
 Batman looks around for his parents, but they are still dead
 This makes him have anger. He fires a batrocket. The Joker
 deflects it with his sick sense of humor. A clOwnly power
 THE JOKER
 I have never followed a rule. That
 is my rule. Do you follow? I don't
 BATMAN
 Alfred, give birth to Robin
 Alfred begins the process since it is his job. The Joker now
 has a present in his hand. He juggles it over to Batman
 THE JOKER
 Happy batday, Birthman
 Batman opens the present since he's a good guy. It contains a
 coupon for new parents, but is expired. This is a Joker joke
Bad, Batman, and Joker: Thread Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Batman movies and then asked it to write a Batman movie of its own. Here is the first page. BATHAN INT. TRADITIONAL BATCAVE BATMAN stands next to his batmobile and uses hia batcomputer. He'e sometimes Bruce Wayne sometimes Batman. Alltimes orphan BATMAN This is now a safe city. I have punched a penguin into prison ALFRED, Batman's loyal batler, carries a tray of goth ham ALFRED Eat a dinner, Mattress Wayne. An explosion explodes. THE JOKER and TWo-FACE enter the cave Joker is a clown but insane. Two-Face is a man but attorney. BATMAN No! It is Two-Face and One-Face They hate me for being a bat Batman throws Alfred at Two-Face. Two-Face flips Alfred like a coin. Alfred lands heade up which mean8 Two-Face goes home. BATMAN (CONT 'D) It is just you and I, the Joker Bat versus clown. Moral enemies THE JOKER I am such a freak. Society is bad You drink water, I drink anarchy BATMAN I drink bats just like a bat would! Batman looks around for his parents, but they are still dead This makes him have anger. He fires a batrocket. The Joker deflects it with his sick sense of humor. A clownly power. THE JOKER I have never followed a rule. That is my rule. Do you follow? I don't BATMAN Alfred, give birth to Robin Alfred begins the process since it is his job. The Joker now has a present in his hand. He juggles it over to Batman THE JOKER Happy batday, Birthman Batman opens the present since he's a coupon for new parents, but is expired. This is a Joker joke. good guy. It contains a meirl
Bad, Batman, and Joker: Thread
 Keaton Patti
 @KeatonPatti
 I forced a bot to watch over 1,000
 hours of Batman movies and then
 asked it to write a Batman movie
 of its own. Here is the first page.
 BATHAN
 INT. TRADITIONAL BATCAVE
 BATMAN stands next to his batmobile and uses hia batcomputer.
 He'e sometimes Bruce Wayne sometimes Batman. Alltimes orphan
 BATMAN
 This is now a safe city. I have
 punched a penguin into prison
 ALFRED, Batman's loyal batler, carries a tray of goth ham
 ALFRED
 Eat a dinner, Mattress Wayne.
 An explosion explodes. THE JOKER and TWo-FACE enter the cave
 Joker is a clown but insane. Two-Face is a man but attorney.
 BATMAN
 No! It is Two-Face and One-Face
 They hate me for being a bat
 Batman throws Alfred at Two-Face. Two-Face flips Alfred like
 a coin. Alfred lands heade up which mean8 Two-Face goes home.
 BATMAN (CONT 'D)
 It is just you and I, the Joker
 Bat versus clown. Moral enemies
 THE JOKER
 I am such a freak. Society is bad
 You drink water, I drink anarchy
 BATMAN
 I drink bats just like a bat would!
 Batman looks around for his parents, but they are still dead
 This makes him have anger. He fires a batrocket. The Joker
 deflects it with his sick sense of humor. A clownly power.
 THE JOKER
 I have never followed a rule. That
 is my rule. Do you follow? I don't
 BATMAN
 Alfred, give birth to Robin
 Alfred begins the process since it is his job. The Joker now
 has a present in his hand. He juggles it over to Batman
 THE JOKER
 Happy batday, Birthman
 Batman opens the present since he's a
 coupon for new parents, but is expired. This is a Joker joke.
 good guy. It contains a
meirl

meirl

Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN sO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH. NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITHA BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED of only they taught beauty class like this Best description of sugar scrub ever.
Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders
 ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN
 SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR
 NOTEPAD
 THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW
 YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I
 KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE
 FUCKERS
 YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT
 YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN
 THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM
 TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A
 NEWBORN
 sO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND
 SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND
 MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART
 OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL
 BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO
 SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL
 THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR
 MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU
 WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM
 SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.
 NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED
 PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITHA BUBBLE
 BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND
 SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS
 VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE
 NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND
 SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A
 HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER
 THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near
 your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really
 important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way
 its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR
 HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS
 WORKING
 NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU
 HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN
 EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN
 BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF
 BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE
 GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT
 WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF
 YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS
 CLASS DISMISSED
 of only they taught beauty class like this
Best description of sugar scrub ever.

Best description of sugar scrub ever.

Birthday, Tumblr, and Best: WHAT THEy DON'T UNDERSTAND ABouT BIrtHDAYS AnD wHAT they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don't. Yotu open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's today. And you don't feel eleven at all. You feel like you're still ten. And you are-underneath the year that makes you eleven Like some days you might say something stupid, and that's the part of you that's still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama's lap because you're scared, and that's the part of you that's five. And maybe one day when you're all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you're three, and that's okay. That's what I tell Mama when she's sad and needs to cry. Maybe she's feeling three. Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That's how being eleven years old is You don't feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you. And you don't feel smart eleven, not until you're almost twelve. That's the way it is. lose-in-my-world: aseaofquotes: Sandra Cisneros, “Eleven” the best thing i read today
Birthday, Tumblr, and Best: WHAT THEy DON'T UNDERSTAND ABouT BIrtHDAYS AnD wHAT
 they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten,
 and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and
 three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your
 eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don't. Yotu
 open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's
 today. And you don't feel eleven at all. You feel like you're still
 ten. And you are-underneath the year that makes you eleven
 Like some days you might say something stupid, and that's
 the part of you that's still ten. Or maybe some days you might
 need to sit on your mama's lap because you're scared, and that's
 the part of you that's five. And maybe one day when you're all
 grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you're three, and
 that's okay. That's what I tell Mama when she's sad and needs
 to cry. Maybe she's feeling three.
 Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like
 the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that
 fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That's
 how being eleven years old is
 You don't feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days,
 weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven
 when they ask you. And you don't feel smart eleven, not until
 you're almost twelve. That's the way it is.
lose-in-my-world:

aseaofquotes:
Sandra Cisneros, “Eleven”

the best thing i read today

lose-in-my-world: aseaofquotes: Sandra Cisneros, “Eleven” the best thing i read today