t's funny how scilence fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest I want to see a sci fi universe where we're actually considered one of the more hideous and territying species How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn't be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient ife in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare animal races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth? Like that old story they're made of meat only we're scarier HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods Ram-Bo Schwarzenegger etc REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD WARNING HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE WARNING HUMANS CAN REPROOUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS WARNING HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J CHAN HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY DO NOT INHALE OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD More seriously humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life Our endurance shock resistance and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal We often use the phrase healthy as a horse to connote heartiness -but compared to a human a horse is as fragile as spun glass There's mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace without sleep or rest until it died of exhaustion it's called pursuit predation Basically we're the Terminator The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs That's why we use them for hunting And even then it's only sort of Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most saplent life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about but we don't need to overpower or outrun you We just need to outlast you - and by any other species' standards we just plain don't get tired Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die we can recover from virtually any injury that's not immediately fatal Even traumatic dismemberment isn't necessarily a career-ending injury for a human We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal The results aren't pretty-humans have hyperactive scar tissue among our other survival-oriented traits-but they're highly functional Speaking of scarring look at our medical science We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support In exterrmis humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves and survive Thanks to our extreme heartiness we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons heelangong In essence we'd be Space Orcs I do hope you realize Im going to be picking up this stuff and running with it right? Our jaws have too many TEETH in them so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death often using little analouge traps And by god we Will eat anything We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening our skin We risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see our favorite musicians live We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs outone of them pass out We willingly jump out of planes with only a fimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights We invented dogs We took our one time predators and completely domesticated them On a planet full of lions tigers and bears we managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain't got shit on us can we tak about how pursuit predation is fucking territying it's one thing to face down a cheetah which will slam into you at 60 mph and break your neck it's another thing to run very quickly to get away froma thing only to have it just kind of show up to have it be intelligent enough to figure out where you are by the fur and feather you've left behind your footprints and piss and shit and then you think you've lost it and you bed down for the night but THERE IT IS WAITING WHEN YOU WAKE UP and you spit! again! but it keeps following you always in the corner of your eye untl you just die we are scary motherfuckers ok Meme
@ 357 views ON 2019-10-09 20:47:04 BY
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